BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
I don't know how the chemistry of it works - seems counterintuitive to me; I trust in Dr Gershon - but lack of sleep provokes manias. So do cigarettes and coffee (and alcohol and weed and basically everything). Not to mention the anti-sleep medication that I'm supposed to take when I'm depressed but am not supposed to take at six-ten times the normal dosage to stay awake and read about the French Revolution. Last night/today was the second all-nighter Justin and I have pulled in the Reg in less than a week, with another scheduled for Tuesday/Wednesday. It just occurred to me that with the craziness of our schedule lately I can't remember the last time I've taken my medication.
My last sort of meltdown - that is, episode with any crying involved at all - was three weeks ago. That's good, especially without medication. But now, here I am, having not slept in more than twenty-four hours, and I can't lay still in bed. My hands are twitching; my eyelids are twitching. It's not unpleasant (yet) except that I'm starting to get really loopy (a few hours ago I sent a complimentary email to a classmate prefaced with "I'm seriously not trying to suck your dick, but...") and can't control that but the mania hasn't kicked in strong enough that my brain is functioning at hyper-productive levels. Soon, my pet, soon.
So here's the situation: I'm supposed to drive to Forest Park tonight to watch Phantom of Liberty with Dave & Co, leaving around 8:00 and getting back at ... 11:30? 12:00? 1:00? 2:00? God knows. My only committment for tomorrow is a 4:15 appointment with my BA advisor.
My options, as I see them:
1. Stay awake. Drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, pump system full of provigil, go to Dave's, and take medication/sleep whenever I find my way back home.
2. Stay awake. Smoke weed. Bail on Dave and spend the evening relaxing at home, numbing out, taking anti-psychotants and benzos early enough to curb mania and go to sleep at a slightly-earlier-than-normal bedtime (10?).
3. Lay down now and FORCE self to stay there, even if sleep is impossible, until it's time to leave. Consume as few substances as possible.
4. Admit defeat: this is not healthy. Take pills now, hope they do their job, watch some cartoons, and go to sleep as soon as possible.
5. Ride the mania. Drink coffee, smoke cigarettes and weed, pump system full of provigil, go to Dave's, come home, repeat previous steps, read about the French Revolution and get ridiculously ahead to facilitate more serious debauchery later in the quarter.
Votes? - because mental health decisions are best left in the care of friends and LJ-readers.
My last sort of meltdown - that is, episode with any crying involved at all - was three weeks ago. That's good, especially without medication. But now, here I am, having not slept in more than twenty-four hours, and I can't lay still in bed. My hands are twitching; my eyelids are twitching. It's not unpleasant (yet) except that I'm starting to get really loopy (a few hours ago I sent a complimentary email to a classmate prefaced with "I'm seriously not trying to suck your dick, but...") and can't control that but the mania hasn't kicked in strong enough that my brain is functioning at hyper-productive levels. Soon, my pet, soon.
So here's the situation: I'm supposed to drive to Forest Park tonight to watch Phantom of Liberty with Dave & Co, leaving around 8:00 and getting back at ... 11:30? 12:00? 1:00? 2:00? God knows. My only committment for tomorrow is a 4:15 appointment with my BA advisor.
My options, as I see them:
1. Stay awake. Drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, pump system full of provigil, go to Dave's, and take medication/sleep whenever I find my way back home.
2. Stay awake. Smoke weed. Bail on Dave and spend the evening relaxing at home, numbing out, taking anti-psychotants and benzos early enough to curb mania and go to sleep at a slightly-earlier-than-normal bedtime (10?).
3. Lay down now and FORCE self to stay there, even if sleep is impossible, until it's time to leave. Consume as few substances as possible.
4. Admit defeat: this is not healthy. Take pills now, hope they do their job, watch some cartoons, and go to sleep as soon as possible.
5. Ride the mania. Drink coffee, smoke cigarettes and weed, pump system full of provigil, go to Dave's, come home, repeat previous steps, read about the French Revolution and get ridiculously ahead to facilitate more serious debauchery later in the quarter.
Votes? - because mental health decisions are best left in the care of friends and LJ-readers.