yknow. random thoughts, that will only make sense to me im sure.
When this first happened to me, I told myself I would never put myself through that again. And since I worked so hard at that, I was going to keep it. Forever. Well as that didnt plan out that way, because I believe I am incapable of having a long lasting, fundamental relationship. At the same time, it wasn't all it was cracked out to be.
I dont ever want to be someone who cant tell her side of the story. Who is too afraid to speak up for herself. I've done that for too long and its time to change that. I don't want to be walked all over next time.
I want there to be a next time and I want it to be right. I want to have all the answers all the time, and know what to do for each scenario to make everything work out perfect. But that's a joke. There is no way that will happen.
I want it to work. I truely do. Will it? At this moment in time, I am thinking it's not. But here I am again. Being that same girl, chasing someone around. I want to stop, I really do because I hate having my heart feel like it's breaking all day long. There should be no reason for it. So why am I doing it? What makes me want to continue this and not let go. And not give up. I DONT KNOW.
Time will tell, and until then I guess I have to be as strong as possible. And remember to never give up on myself, and never feel like I am next to nothing. I am a good person, and I do deserve a lot out of life.
I have been reading a lot more. Trying to spend more time on my own. Trying to live life as an individual and not part of a whole. I am starting to like it a lot better now. I am starting to realize that I dont always need someone around to make me happy. It will take some time, I am definitly not completely over it, but I feel like I am getting better and better everyday. Although some may say differently :]
I dont ever want to be someone who cant tell her side of the story. Who is too afraid to speak up for herself. I've done that for too long and its time to change that. I don't want to be walked all over next time.
I want there to be a next time and I want it to be right. I want to have all the answers all the time, and know what to do for each scenario to make everything work out perfect. But that's a joke. There is no way that will happen.
I want it to work. I truely do. Will it? At this moment in time, I am thinking it's not. But here I am again. Being that same girl, chasing someone around. I want to stop, I really do because I hate having my heart feel like it's breaking all day long. There should be no reason for it. So why am I doing it? What makes me want to continue this and not let go. And not give up. I DONT KNOW.
Time will tell, and until then I guess I have to be as strong as possible. And remember to never give up on myself, and never feel like I am next to nothing. I am a good person, and I do deserve a lot out of life.
I have been reading a lot more. Trying to spend more time on my own. Trying to live life as an individual and not part of a whole. I am starting to like it a lot better now. I am starting to realize that I dont always need someone around to make me happy. It will take some time, I am definitly not completely over it, but I feel like I am getting better and better everyday. Although some may say differently :]