(no subject)
Am I a fucked up person? All day I've been making dark jokes to people and having them back fire in my face. I thought I was simply being my strange jackass self, but It turns out I was hurting people. I hate hurting people.... In fact it's the most painful thing I can do as a person. So, now I feel like all my attempts at good deeds are over shadowed by my success at damaging things. I don't even have to try! I just have to say the fucked up things I think of and bam, people are scared of me, insulted by me, or otherwise put off. Maybe I'm more broken than I realized. Maybe these things I find amusing are unhealthy, not just odd. Maybe I'm the confused or the scared one. I want to be the anchor for people, but maybe I’m the current that keeps stirring shit up. Maybe that's why I feel like there is something similar in me to the guys that want nothing more than to destroy and control a girl. Maybe I AM the bad guy. Maybe it's just waiting for the opportunity to come out in me. Maybe I have said that fucking word too may times and this needs to end. Now.