(no subject)
Hey. I just read through the first half of The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and then turned out the lights and tried to fall asleep. I couldn't. What do you think about while lying in bed at night? I thought about my grades, and how horribly lazy I am. And how late it is. And how if maybe I went to sleep a little earlier I wouldn't tell myself how incredibly ignorant I am, when I can't find the words to express myself..hmm, accurately? I thought about how Annalise told me her screen name, although I hadn't realized it. I remember that it happened, but I must've just shrugged it off as someone from IGN looking through my posts. Happens a lot. I also thought about what happened at lunch.
Colleen, Kristi, and a few others were talking about putting cologne on penis'. Yep. I kind of just mutter that "This is what I get for sitting at table with all girls." Although, I meant for them to hear it. I meant it as a joke. They didn't hear it the first time, so I repeated it. They were obviously too involved in imagining a penis smelling like Polo Sport For Men. Colleen and Kirsti turn around with hideous looks on their faces. They told me to go sit a different table. In all fairness, to me, they couldn't have looked more serious. I just kind of looked awa, and didn't say much. Although I should've said something like this: "Shut the fuck up and learn to take a goddamn joke. I'm not moving." Oh, I wish I would've said that. The look (of anger no doubt) on Colleen's face would be ever-so-pleasing. Sweet revenge, but hey, it's Colleen. I guess the feeling of hatred is pretty mutual now. She hates me for not letting her use my cheese, and now I'm starting to get a little annoyed at how I constantly just keep backing down to her, no matter what kind of abuse I put up with. Well, fuck that.
Anyway, whenever I do open my mouth, I usually do get some odd look like I broke some godly, unspoken rule. Well fuck that too. I just won't speak. It'll be better for all who think the air they breathe is any more significant than the same air that passes through my lungs.
Woo. Back to Perks. It's really a good book, which I have no doubt that you have read it already. Charlie's a good guy, although every new letter I read, I feel like I can relate less and less. That was one of the major things that appealed to mea bout the book. That I could relate to the protagonist. Despite all the things that are wrong with him, he has a lot going for him. He has a supportive family, a good relationship with his sister, great friends; I mean friends you can really hang out with, and just talk to for hours. Friends that invite you places, friends that you can invite to dinner. I guess that's where I stop relating to him. In fact, that kind of relationship is what appeals to me most in any book, and I almost lose all interest if such a thing were lost.
I've been trying to figure myself out lately, but have found no solution. "Who am I?" is the popular question, and I'm the only person who can answer it. No one to help. There are a lot of questions that I need to answer, some of which should come before the Ultimatum. I'll make a list. Basically a stress thing that you probably will never understand by looking right at it. I feel like if even the slightes bit more weight is added, I'm going to collapse where I stand, and really fall into something bad.
1. School
-Grades - Laziness, too deep to truly meet anyone's great expectations. Hey, that's a book.
-College - Any future at all? (Do I appear intelligent, or incredibly stupid)
2. Friends - are they even there?
- Will I have someone to truly talk to without recieving a distorted facial experession?
-Dieing alone?
-A definition of a friend. Is there one?
3. Family
-Everything's wrong.
So who am I? I'm 15, no... 16. Damn Birthdays. Just reminding me that I've wasted yet another good year of a potential good life. My name is Henry Perkins. I live in Illinois.
Wait. I know what I'm looking for. A diagnosis. What the fuck is wrong with me? Some twisted state of depression? I think about all the symptoms, but really can't come to the conclusion, because sometimes I'm insanly happy, and don't know why. Other times I could kill myself. Just another teen crisis? I feel like all the answeres to every question I have are just a few years too late.
ps. iloveyoutaraandiwantyouhere
Colleen, Kristi, and a few others were talking about putting cologne on penis'. Yep. I kind of just mutter that "This is what I get for sitting at table with all girls." Although, I meant for them to hear it. I meant it as a joke. They didn't hear it the first time, so I repeated it. They were obviously too involved in imagining a penis smelling like Polo Sport For Men. Colleen and Kirsti turn around with hideous looks on their faces. They told me to go sit a different table. In all fairness, to me, they couldn't have looked more serious. I just kind of looked awa, and didn't say much. Although I should've said something like this: "Shut the fuck up and learn to take a goddamn joke. I'm not moving." Oh, I wish I would've said that. The look (of anger no doubt) on Colleen's face would be ever-so-pleasing. Sweet revenge, but hey, it's Colleen. I guess the feeling of hatred is pretty mutual now. She hates me for not letting her use my cheese, and now I'm starting to get a little annoyed at how I constantly just keep backing down to her, no matter what kind of abuse I put up with. Well, fuck that.
Anyway, whenever I do open my mouth, I usually do get some odd look like I broke some godly, unspoken rule. Well fuck that too. I just won't speak. It'll be better for all who think the air they breathe is any more significant than the same air that passes through my lungs.
Woo. Back to Perks. It's really a good book, which I have no doubt that you have read it already. Charlie's a good guy, although every new letter I read, I feel like I can relate less and less. That was one of the major things that appealed to mea bout the book. That I could relate to the protagonist. Despite all the things that are wrong with him, he has a lot going for him. He has a supportive family, a good relationship with his sister, great friends; I mean friends you can really hang out with, and just talk to for hours. Friends that invite you places, friends that you can invite to dinner. I guess that's where I stop relating to him. In fact, that kind of relationship is what appeals to me most in any book, and I almost lose all interest if such a thing were lost.
I've been trying to figure myself out lately, but have found no solution. "Who am I?" is the popular question, and I'm the only person who can answer it. No one to help. There are a lot of questions that I need to answer, some of which should come before the Ultimatum. I'll make a list. Basically a stress thing that you probably will never understand by looking right at it. I feel like if even the slightes bit more weight is added, I'm going to collapse where I stand, and really fall into something bad.
1. School
-Grades - Laziness, too deep to truly meet anyone's great expectations. Hey, that's a book.
-College - Any future at all? (Do I appear intelligent, or incredibly stupid)
2. Friends - are they even there?
- Will I have someone to truly talk to without recieving a distorted facial experession?
-Dieing alone?
-A definition of a friend. Is there one?
3. Family
-Everything's wrong.
So who am I? I'm 15, no... 16. Damn Birthdays. Just reminding me that I've wasted yet another good year of a potential good life. My name is Henry Perkins. I live in Illinois.
Wait. I know what I'm looking for. A diagnosis. What the fuck is wrong with me? Some twisted state of depression? I think about all the symptoms, but really can't come to the conclusion, because sometimes I'm insanly happy, and don't know why. Other times I could kill myself. Just another teen crisis? I feel like all the answeres to every question I have are just a few years too late.
ps. iloveyoutaraandiwantyouhere