Profilers & Professors (Part One)
Title: Profilers & Professors (Part One)
Summary: The BAU goes to Hogwarts.
Characters/Pairings: Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, Flitwick, Sprout, Rossi, Reid, Hotch, Garcia, Emily
Genre: Gen, Humour (?)
Beta: N/A
Rating/Warnings: G/none
Word Count: 1739
Author's Notes: Written for caitriona_3 for help_japan. Hope you like it bb! And there'll be a Pt 2 because this one ends rather abruptly and I'm enjoying writing this so far :3
It was an interesting experience from start to finish, to be really honest. Their jet landed in Heathrow, as per the plan, on a chilly Sunday morning. Hotch took care of the paperwork as the other team members who had volunteered to be on the "case" stood around chattering with chattering teeth.
"I d-didn't expect it to be s-so cold," Garcia whispered into the neck of her jumper.
Emily Prentiss looked over at the shivering techie, herself feeling warm and cosy in her smart choice of a thick woollen coat. "Garcia, you practically live in a cold environment. I've rarely seen you in a plus 60 habitat."
"But that's artificial cold! And no one mentioned wind!" the techie shot back before ducking into her jumper again.
Hotch returned, a brown jug in his hand. Rossi glanced at his friend, amused.
"Portkey," the BAU unit chief said shortly. "We're to meet a couple of Aurors a few miles from here."
"Ooh, Portkeys! Did you know that the Ministry still doesn't know who was the original inventor of the first Portkey? It's rumoured that the first object was a Golden Snitch, which was used to stop a Quidditch game from ever ending."
The other four BAU team members stared at Doctor Spencer Reid for a quick moment before Hotch motioned from them to begin their hike to a hill in the distance.
///
"Slick ride," commented Rossi dryly, as they picked themselves off the ground.
The two Aurors that had accompanied them nodded a goodbye as both of them headed out of the office.
"Welcome, dear visitors!" Albus Dumbledore stood, with open arms a few feet away from the group. (Metres, thought Spencer, metres, not feet.) "I trust that your trip has been uneventful so far?"
"Professor, it's an honour to meet you." Ever the stoic leader, Hotch greeted the man with a firm handshake and a smile. "These are the members of my team; meet David Rossi, Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia and Doctor Spencer Reid."
The doctor in question couldn't help himself. "It's a privilege to meet you, sir. Your work on dragon's blood among other incredible feats of courage and intelligence have been unprecedented, and I was wondering if you could comment on the recent research of a possible combination of hellebore and phoenix feather as a replacement for boomslang skin in the making of the Polyjuice Potion?"
Dumbledore looked intrigued by the man before him. Garcia looked ready to burst into laughter.
"Reid, we talked about this," said Hotch, face stern.
"Oh no, Agent Hotchner, I'd be perfectly willing to discuss with the doctor on the aforementioned topics, perhaps later, over some of Minerva's biscuits and, uhm, tea?" his eyes twinkled as he spoke. "You'd make a fine Ravenclaw, my dear fellow. And an excellent Professor."
As Spencer blushed, Emily whispered to Garcia, "What the hell is a Ravenclaw?"
"Ah, Agent Prentiss, if I may?" Dumbledore said, smiling.
"S-sure," she replied, a little embarrassed to be caught whispering while in the headmaster's office. "And call me Emily, Professor."
"Well then. Emily. Ravenclaw is one of our four houses here at Hogwarts, as are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Slytherin. First-year students are traditionally sorted when they first arrive here at the school." the Professor produced a ratty old hat. "The Sorting Hat does the job quite well. Might you want to, as they say, have a go?"
"Uhhhh, sure." Emily let out a laugh and let Dumbledore put the hat on her head. The others stared with quiet curiosity (except for Spencer; his head was clamouring for more answers) as the hat began to speak.
"Ooh, hello! What do we have here? An American mind, so different in knowledge... And the experiences!"
Dumbledore gave a subtle cough.
"Right! Now, there's much bravery in you, I can tell... Good bit of street smarts too, I'll say. Stubborn as an ox as well? Better be... Gryffindor!"
Spencer looked impressed when the Hat was lifted from Emily's head. "Godric Gryffindor was renowned for his bravery - his sword is said to be a very magical artefact. Unfortunately, it's been missing for quite some time now..."
Just then, there was a knock on the door and all the occupants in the room turned to see a tall woman in dark robes stride in.
"Ah, Minerva," said Dumbledore genially, indicating to the witch in the severe bun. "Minerva, these are the American profilers we're working with the next few days; agents, this is Minerva McGonagall, Transfiguration Professor, Deputy Headmistress and Head of Gryffindor House."
The group exchanged greetings, Emily looking slightly relieved that she wasn't a Hogwarts student. Professor McGonagall looked rather fierce, much like Hotch, really.
"I assume you will be joining us for the feast, ladies and gentlemen?" Professor McGonagall asked.
"Yes, they will, Minerva. But right now they're engaging in a little social experiment with the Hat and I. Emily's been Sorted into Gryffindor House. I'm curious to see the others... Miss Garcia, if you please?"
Garcia looked rather shocked that someone had actually put a 'Miss' in front of her last name. "Uh, sure! Let's go!"
The Hat fir snugly over her blond curls and she let out a little jump when it spoke suddenly. "Ah! A tricky one! All that knowledge of electricity and coding nonsense... Feathers? But there's something more glue-ish about you. I know… Hufflepuff!"
"Helga Hufflepuff was famous for her kind nature and welcoming personality," said Dumbledore, before Spencer could open his mouth. "I daresay that you're the ball of thread that always leads these friends of yours out of the labyrinth?"
"She is." Hotch gave a rare smile.
Professor McGonagall glanced at a pocketwatch rather discretely. Dumbledore nodded and cleared his throat. "I fear that we have time for perhaps one last… experiment? The students will be down for dinner soon, and I think the kitchens have prepared a nice lemon tart for us this evening." He offered the Hat to Hotch, who declined with a polite shake of the head.
David Rossi gave a chuckle when the Hat faced him. "Not for me, I'm afraid. But perhaps our resident genius would like to give it a try?"
Spencer was hopping with excitement.
The Hat squirmed when it settled onto his head. "Oooh, questions, my dear boy, won't you ever shut up for an instant! There we go. Difficult. You're a tough one, m'boy, very tough. So interesting, so much information… Oh, will you stop asking me questions, boy? Now, let's see here… Yes, it has to be Ravenclaw!"
The BAU agents didn't look too surprised when they were told about Rowena Ravenclaw's wit, logic and intelligence.
///
After a few days of sight-seeing and getting used to magic spells and enchanted staircases, the agents made their way to the Hogwarts staff room, where the Professors were all gathered for their work.
"Ah, just in time. I do hope the staircase behaved itself today?" Dumbledore asked, peeking over his spectacles.
They nodded.
"Right then! Agents, these are my teaching staff. Professor McGonagall, you've met. This is Professor Sprout, Head of Hufflepuff House and also currently teaching Herbology. Professor Flitwick, our Charms expert and Head of Ravenclaw House."
The witch and wizard who were newly introduced shook hands with the five BAU profilers.
"We're waiting on our final Head of House. Professor Snape is an esteemed Potions Professor and is in charge of Slytherin House. He should be coming along soon enough; must have been a late class," said Dumbledore, motioning for those present to be seated. "Now, let's get down to business."
Hotch took the hint of a wink. "Once again, I'm Agent Aaron Hotchner. I'm the unit chief of the BAU - the Behavioural Analyst Unit. We're profilers. Basically, we do criminal psychology to solve cases."
"And what good can that do us?" A voice cut across the room from the doorway. Professor Snape stood sullenly, robes billowing around him. "Our students aren't criminals. At least… not all of them." His glinting eyes darted towards Professor McGonagall, whose nostrils flared.
"Ah, Severus. Come sit," Dumbledore said cheerily, patting the seat next to him. "This is Professor Snape, dear agents. And don't mind his snarl; his bark is worse than his, er, bite."
The man sneered in disagreement, but took his place next to the Headmaster as Hotch continued.
"As I was saying, we practise criminal psychology. It allows us to step into their minds as well as the minds of the victims. We intend to share some of our knowledge with you, just as we have done with the Ministry of Magic and the Aurors."
"But what for?" Professor Flitwick piped up, brow furrowed.
Spencer spoke up. "We believe that knowing how to pick up certain behavioural cues is inherently useful to anyone in any job scope. As educators, you might find these helpful in terms of gauging a student's mindset, and generally just understanding them better… We don't go into micro detail such as microexpressions, but we do look at more macro features. A room or a diary can tell us equally well about a person's state of mind. It's more about what's symbolic about the choices behind the furniture or the word choice, and about why they made those choices that reflect who they are."
The wizard looked impressed, and shot a glance at Dumbledore, who laughed and said, "Yes, Filius, he is indeed your student."
The Head of Ravenclaw looked pleased.
"Prove it then," drawled Professor Snape, lounging in his chair. "Profile me."
Rossi let out a small smirk. "Sure. Allow me."
The two men surveyed each other for an instant before the BAU agent proceeded with a cautionary look from his unit chief. "You act like an alpha male; you command respect and have a presence about you. But as I said, you act like an alpha male. The way you sit and lean back against the chair strikes me as highly defensive. You're a withdrawn man with perhaps a bad childhood."
Professor Snape's cheek twitched.
Rossi's smirk widened. "A bad childhood. Struck a nerve, I see. True, you do carry yourself well. You're proud and confident, but behind that exterior, you're contemplative and enjoy spending time by yourself. Am I right so far?"
To his credit, the Potions Professor just gave a stiff nod and not much else. He did attempt to sit up straight and assume a supposedly non-defensive position though.
Summary: The BAU goes to Hogwarts.
Characters/Pairings: Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, Flitwick, Sprout, Rossi, Reid, Hotch, Garcia, Emily
Genre: Gen, Humour (?)
Beta: N/A
Rating/Warnings: G/none
Word Count: 1739
Author's Notes: Written for caitriona_3 for help_japan. Hope you like it bb! And there'll be a Pt 2 because this one ends rather abruptly and I'm enjoying writing this so far :3
It was an interesting experience from start to finish, to be really honest. Their jet landed in Heathrow, as per the plan, on a chilly Sunday morning. Hotch took care of the paperwork as the other team members who had volunteered to be on the "case" stood around chattering with chattering teeth.
"I d-didn't expect it to be s-so cold," Garcia whispered into the neck of her jumper.
Emily Prentiss looked over at the shivering techie, herself feeling warm and cosy in her smart choice of a thick woollen coat. "Garcia, you practically live in a cold environment. I've rarely seen you in a plus 60 habitat."
"But that's artificial cold! And no one mentioned wind!" the techie shot back before ducking into her jumper again.
Hotch returned, a brown jug in his hand. Rossi glanced at his friend, amused.
"Portkey," the BAU unit chief said shortly. "We're to meet a couple of Aurors a few miles from here."
"Ooh, Portkeys! Did you know that the Ministry still doesn't know who was the original inventor of the first Portkey? It's rumoured that the first object was a Golden Snitch, which was used to stop a Quidditch game from ever ending."
The other four BAU team members stared at Doctor Spencer Reid for a quick moment before Hotch motioned from them to begin their hike to a hill in the distance.
///
"Slick ride," commented Rossi dryly, as they picked themselves off the ground.
The two Aurors that had accompanied them nodded a goodbye as both of them headed out of the office.
"Welcome, dear visitors!" Albus Dumbledore stood, with open arms a few feet away from the group. (Metres, thought Spencer, metres, not feet.) "I trust that your trip has been uneventful so far?"
"Professor, it's an honour to meet you." Ever the stoic leader, Hotch greeted the man with a firm handshake and a smile. "These are the members of my team; meet David Rossi, Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia and Doctor Spencer Reid."
The doctor in question couldn't help himself. "It's a privilege to meet you, sir. Your work on dragon's blood among other incredible feats of courage and intelligence have been unprecedented, and I was wondering if you could comment on the recent research of a possible combination of hellebore and phoenix feather as a replacement for boomslang skin in the making of the Polyjuice Potion?"
Dumbledore looked intrigued by the man before him. Garcia looked ready to burst into laughter.
"Reid, we talked about this," said Hotch, face stern.
"Oh no, Agent Hotchner, I'd be perfectly willing to discuss with the doctor on the aforementioned topics, perhaps later, over some of Minerva's biscuits and, uhm, tea?" his eyes twinkled as he spoke. "You'd make a fine Ravenclaw, my dear fellow. And an excellent Professor."
As Spencer blushed, Emily whispered to Garcia, "What the hell is a Ravenclaw?"
"Ah, Agent Prentiss, if I may?" Dumbledore said, smiling.
"S-sure," she replied, a little embarrassed to be caught whispering while in the headmaster's office. "And call me Emily, Professor."
"Well then. Emily. Ravenclaw is one of our four houses here at Hogwarts, as are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Slytherin. First-year students are traditionally sorted when they first arrive here at the school." the Professor produced a ratty old hat. "The Sorting Hat does the job quite well. Might you want to, as they say, have a go?"
"Uhhhh, sure." Emily let out a laugh and let Dumbledore put the hat on her head. The others stared with quiet curiosity (except for Spencer; his head was clamouring for more answers) as the hat began to speak.
"Ooh, hello! What do we have here? An American mind, so different in knowledge... And the experiences!"
Dumbledore gave a subtle cough.
"Right! Now, there's much bravery in you, I can tell... Good bit of street smarts too, I'll say. Stubborn as an ox as well? Better be... Gryffindor!"
Spencer looked impressed when the Hat was lifted from Emily's head. "Godric Gryffindor was renowned for his bravery - his sword is said to be a very magical artefact. Unfortunately, it's been missing for quite some time now..."
Just then, there was a knock on the door and all the occupants in the room turned to see a tall woman in dark robes stride in.
"Ah, Minerva," said Dumbledore genially, indicating to the witch in the severe bun. "Minerva, these are the American profilers we're working with the next few days; agents, this is Minerva McGonagall, Transfiguration Professor, Deputy Headmistress and Head of Gryffindor House."
The group exchanged greetings, Emily looking slightly relieved that she wasn't a Hogwarts student. Professor McGonagall looked rather fierce, much like Hotch, really.
"I assume you will be joining us for the feast, ladies and gentlemen?" Professor McGonagall asked.
"Yes, they will, Minerva. But right now they're engaging in a little social experiment with the Hat and I. Emily's been Sorted into Gryffindor House. I'm curious to see the others... Miss Garcia, if you please?"
Garcia looked rather shocked that someone had actually put a 'Miss' in front of her last name. "Uh, sure! Let's go!"
The Hat fir snugly over her blond curls and she let out a little jump when it spoke suddenly. "Ah! A tricky one! All that knowledge of electricity and coding nonsense... Feathers? But there's something more glue-ish about you. I know… Hufflepuff!"
"Helga Hufflepuff was famous for her kind nature and welcoming personality," said Dumbledore, before Spencer could open his mouth. "I daresay that you're the ball of thread that always leads these friends of yours out of the labyrinth?"
"She is." Hotch gave a rare smile.
Professor McGonagall glanced at a pocketwatch rather discretely. Dumbledore nodded and cleared his throat. "I fear that we have time for perhaps one last… experiment? The students will be down for dinner soon, and I think the kitchens have prepared a nice lemon tart for us this evening." He offered the Hat to Hotch, who declined with a polite shake of the head.
David Rossi gave a chuckle when the Hat faced him. "Not for me, I'm afraid. But perhaps our resident genius would like to give it a try?"
Spencer was hopping with excitement.
The Hat squirmed when it settled onto his head. "Oooh, questions, my dear boy, won't you ever shut up for an instant! There we go. Difficult. You're a tough one, m'boy, very tough. So interesting, so much information… Oh, will you stop asking me questions, boy? Now, let's see here… Yes, it has to be Ravenclaw!"
The BAU agents didn't look too surprised when they were told about Rowena Ravenclaw's wit, logic and intelligence.
///
After a few days of sight-seeing and getting used to magic spells and enchanted staircases, the agents made their way to the Hogwarts staff room, where the Professors were all gathered for their work.
"Ah, just in time. I do hope the staircase behaved itself today?" Dumbledore asked, peeking over his spectacles.
They nodded.
"Right then! Agents, these are my teaching staff. Professor McGonagall, you've met. This is Professor Sprout, Head of Hufflepuff House and also currently teaching Herbology. Professor Flitwick, our Charms expert and Head of Ravenclaw House."
The witch and wizard who were newly introduced shook hands with the five BAU profilers.
"We're waiting on our final Head of House. Professor Snape is an esteemed Potions Professor and is in charge of Slytherin House. He should be coming along soon enough; must have been a late class," said Dumbledore, motioning for those present to be seated. "Now, let's get down to business."
Hotch took the hint of a wink. "Once again, I'm Agent Aaron Hotchner. I'm the unit chief of the BAU - the Behavioural Analyst Unit. We're profilers. Basically, we do criminal psychology to solve cases."
"And what good can that do us?" A voice cut across the room from the doorway. Professor Snape stood sullenly, robes billowing around him. "Our students aren't criminals. At least… not all of them." His glinting eyes darted towards Professor McGonagall, whose nostrils flared.
"Ah, Severus. Come sit," Dumbledore said cheerily, patting the seat next to him. "This is Professor Snape, dear agents. And don't mind his snarl; his bark is worse than his, er, bite."
The man sneered in disagreement, but took his place next to the Headmaster as Hotch continued.
"As I was saying, we practise criminal psychology. It allows us to step into their minds as well as the minds of the victims. We intend to share some of our knowledge with you, just as we have done with the Ministry of Magic and the Aurors."
"But what for?" Professor Flitwick piped up, brow furrowed.
Spencer spoke up. "We believe that knowing how to pick up certain behavioural cues is inherently useful to anyone in any job scope. As educators, you might find these helpful in terms of gauging a student's mindset, and generally just understanding them better… We don't go into micro detail such as microexpressions, but we do look at more macro features. A room or a diary can tell us equally well about a person's state of mind. It's more about what's symbolic about the choices behind the furniture or the word choice, and about why they made those choices that reflect who they are."
The wizard looked impressed, and shot a glance at Dumbledore, who laughed and said, "Yes, Filius, he is indeed your student."
The Head of Ravenclaw looked pleased.
"Prove it then," drawled Professor Snape, lounging in his chair. "Profile me."
Rossi let out a small smirk. "Sure. Allow me."
The two men surveyed each other for an instant before the BAU agent proceeded with a cautionary look from his unit chief. "You act like an alpha male; you command respect and have a presence about you. But as I said, you act like an alpha male. The way you sit and lean back against the chair strikes me as highly defensive. You're a withdrawn man with perhaps a bad childhood."
Professor Snape's cheek twitched.
Rossi's smirk widened. "A bad childhood. Struck a nerve, I see. True, you do carry yourself well. You're proud and confident, but behind that exterior, you're contemplative and enjoy spending time by yourself. Am I right so far?"
To his credit, the Potions Professor just gave a stiff nod and not much else. He did attempt to sit up straight and assume a supposedly non-defensive position though.