just some thoughts
Well last night went better than expected. With the exception of 3 people with very good excuses, everyone that was invited showed up. That's cool. Ah, what a beautiful mess.
So it was asked if I was crabby last night. No I am not. I'm just not blind to the inevitable and it hurts.
But it IS inevitable.
Wednesday, I realized something.... I am what can be considered a Scouting Muse.
Scout: finding potential and helping individuals to success.
Muse: Inspiration without credit.
Finding caterpillars, help make them a cocoon, stand by and watch the butterfly fly away. I have spent years doing that.
I think that I am almost amused. These people who wouldn't look twice, or cut down, or consider individuals until it's extremely pointed out the beauty and the talent they carry are now the best friends (so to speak). "Oh look that's something, hey imagine where we can go with that....hey I'll offer you...."
I am proud of these people and their talents for where they lead, I won't deny that. But I hate being forgotten. It's an absolute bitch inspiring others, drilling that they are worth, and yet can't keep anything for myself. I wasn't moved until it was basically said I wasn't even considered a dancer. The thought I wasn't good enough to be considered. Fuck! Not a performer. But I guess it is good to know what I am thought of. No matter how much it hurts.
Everyone leaves.... I am used to that. Yeah.
So it was asked if I was crabby last night. No I am not. I'm just not blind to the inevitable and it hurts.
But it IS inevitable.
Wednesday, I realized something.... I am what can be considered a Scouting Muse.
Scout: finding potential and helping individuals to success.
Muse: Inspiration without credit.
Finding caterpillars, help make them a cocoon, stand by and watch the butterfly fly away. I have spent years doing that.
I think that I am almost amused. These people who wouldn't look twice, or cut down, or consider individuals until it's extremely pointed out the beauty and the talent they carry are now the best friends (so to speak). "Oh look that's something, hey imagine where we can go with that....hey I'll offer you...."
I am proud of these people and their talents for where they lead, I won't deny that. But I hate being forgotten. It's an absolute bitch inspiring others, drilling that they are worth, and yet can't keep anything for myself. I wasn't moved until it was basically said I wasn't even considered a dancer. The thought I wasn't good enough to be considered. Fuck! Not a performer. But I guess it is good to know what I am thought of. No matter how much it hurts.
Everyone leaves.... I am used to that. Yeah.