Wait.... Wait.... Wait for it...
I spent the last 10 days all giddy and full of excitement over what?... A boy. I am 30 years old and this still happens. It's the same old story. A random night out with a friend who meets other friends, who have friends too, one of which I hit it off with. Fun leads to flirting. Flirting leads to kissing. Kissing leads me to walking around with my head in the fucking clouds. Acting like a god damn teenage girl after her first kiss. He seems like a nice enough guy. Funny. Smart. Comfortable to be around. However, I'm just waiting for it. Just waiting for the "I really like you and I think your very nice. It's just that I don't really have time for a 'relationship' right now". Or the slow decrease in communication. Multiple texts drop down to dangerously low levels of next to nothing. Unexpected evening phone calls disappear. Flirty comments exist no more. That's when I wait for it.
With this current one, I've kept my heart out of the whole mix. Kept my distance. I pushed all signs of excitement deep down and away from my silly, heart. "Keep yourself from getting too excited. That way you won't be so disappointed when it doesn't work out for you."
I find dating to be kind of a pain in the ass. The whole crazy mental shit that goes with it is enough to give up dating all together and choose to live a lonely life with cats. The whole " what does he really think of me?", "does he like me?", "are we going to be really dating?" All this crap is what helps me keep my heart ice cold. I'm not interested in fighting for anyones attention. He either likes me or he doesn't. Simple as that. No fighting. No tears. No problems. Just brush off and move on.
I have about 11 years of shitty "relationships" that are causing me to have such a "I don't give a fuck" attitude. In those 11 years, I must say that I did have 1 REALLY great partnership. He was wonderful. He still is. However, we grew apart and have an awfully big fucking ocean between us these days. No really. The Atlantic Ocean is literally between us. When you truly love someone, you are willing to compromise in order to make it work. That's where we are wrong. Neither of us have ever been willing to compromise. Make the big gesture. Move to be with the other. I never wanted to leave my life and family here to live in Europe and he didn't want to move to the States. I guess we don't really love each other that much after all. *heart grows colder with this thought*
I'd like to say that multiple disappoints have brought me to where I am at right now. Disappointed in them as well as disappointed in myself.
As for the boy who has my head in the clouds... we will just have to see how he lets me down. I will make note of his reasons and move on with a skip in my walk.
With this current one, I've kept my heart out of the whole mix. Kept my distance. I pushed all signs of excitement deep down and away from my silly, heart. "Keep yourself from getting too excited. That way you won't be so disappointed when it doesn't work out for you."
I find dating to be kind of a pain in the ass. The whole crazy mental shit that goes with it is enough to give up dating all together and choose to live a lonely life with cats. The whole " what does he really think of me?", "does he like me?", "are we going to be really dating?" All this crap is what helps me keep my heart ice cold. I'm not interested in fighting for anyones attention. He either likes me or he doesn't. Simple as that. No fighting. No tears. No problems. Just brush off and move on.
I have about 11 years of shitty "relationships" that are causing me to have such a "I don't give a fuck" attitude. In those 11 years, I must say that I did have 1 REALLY great partnership. He was wonderful. He still is. However, we grew apart and have an awfully big fucking ocean between us these days. No really. The Atlantic Ocean is literally between us. When you truly love someone, you are willing to compromise in order to make it work. That's where we are wrong. Neither of us have ever been willing to compromise. Make the big gesture. Move to be with the other. I never wanted to leave my life and family here to live in Europe and he didn't want to move to the States. I guess we don't really love each other that much after all. *heart grows colder with this thought*
I'd like to say that multiple disappoints have brought me to where I am at right now. Disappointed in them as well as disappointed in myself.
As for the boy who has my head in the clouds... we will just have to see how he lets me down. I will make note of his reasons and move on with a skip in my walk.