Facebook cliques.
Facebook is destroying me inside. I watch people write each other and talk about meeting up for "mini" reunions, going out for coffee, drinks, and/or out to eat, or just hang out. Why don't they ask me? What did I do that people have little to no interest in seeing me? I've been home for a few weeks and there were many promises of coffee or lunch/dinner. Have I heard from one single person? nope. Instead I watch as they post on each others facebook pages and plan fun reunions.
I feel lame. In Ohio, Chicago, and everywhere else I go. Does anybody really fucking care about whether I'm there or not? Do I really MEAN anything to anyone outside my family? I'm just lost inside and feel as if I have no place in the world. I'm unemployed. I'm living with my parents. I'm carless. I'm poor. I lack confidence. I lack the strength I need to move on. I'm unloved and unable to have a meaningful relationship. I'm basically one big fucking mess.
Everyday I spend hours trying to figure out what I should do with my life. Where should I go? Should I go back to Chicago? Should I go to Germany? Should I go to New York? Where am I supposed to be? Where do I want to be? Should I? Should I? Should I?
I went cliff diving once in Austria at Wolfgangsee. I was determined to do it. Just put my fear aside and jump into the water. When we arrived, I looked at how far the drop was. I watched others jump off and into the water. I kept letting others go before me and seriously considered not jumping. In the end I did. I cleared my mind, I walked right up the edge, and without a second though I just jumped. It was great and I'm happy I did it.
Sometimes it's best just to jump and just hope that everything works out. I sometimes feel that it would be best to only hold on to a few close friends, pick up my life, and start over in a completely different city. Escaping just feels like the right thing to do. Get myself alone in a strange place and sort out my life without the influence of others. I was set on moving to Europe at the end of this year, but my decision to not go and stay in Chicago was the influenced by a few friends. I've put myself second again.
I got very off track here. All this started with me feeling left out. It feels good to write all this. Although I know I'm writing to an audience of 1, it still feels great just to vent.
I feel lame. In Ohio, Chicago, and everywhere else I go. Does anybody really fucking care about whether I'm there or not? Do I really MEAN anything to anyone outside my family? I'm just lost inside and feel as if I have no place in the world. I'm unemployed. I'm living with my parents. I'm carless. I'm poor. I lack confidence. I lack the strength I need to move on. I'm unloved and unable to have a meaningful relationship. I'm basically one big fucking mess.
Everyday I spend hours trying to figure out what I should do with my life. Where should I go? Should I go back to Chicago? Should I go to Germany? Should I go to New York? Where am I supposed to be? Where do I want to be? Should I? Should I? Should I?
I went cliff diving once in Austria at Wolfgangsee. I was determined to do it. Just put my fear aside and jump into the water. When we arrived, I looked at how far the drop was. I watched others jump off and into the water. I kept letting others go before me and seriously considered not jumping. In the end I did. I cleared my mind, I walked right up the edge, and without a second though I just jumped. It was great and I'm happy I did it.
Sometimes it's best just to jump and just hope that everything works out. I sometimes feel that it would be best to only hold on to a few close friends, pick up my life, and start over in a completely different city. Escaping just feels like the right thing to do. Get myself alone in a strange place and sort out my life without the influence of others. I was set on moving to Europe at the end of this year, but my decision to not go and stay in Chicago was the influenced by a few friends. I've put myself second again.
I got very off track here. All this started with me feeling left out. It feels good to write all this. Although I know I'm writing to an audience of 1, it still feels great just to vent.