way too long, way too much.
2 years. 2 fucking years! What the hell happened?!?! I seriously thought he was it, i had found the one i would be with and love forever. It all ended so fast I feel like im not in my own life. Almost exactly 2 years to the day. GONE!
So how did it happen? Well im trying to figure that out still. I was looking back at the post i had made when corey and i first met and I know i wasnt totally happy then but i wanted to make it work. I think the not coming home part really got the ball rolling, I mean what the hell am i supposed to think when i wake up alone. I tried several ways to make him understand that wasnt cool, most of them me being very angry, but i did try just talking to him about it too. It all just made me feel so disrespected, why didnt that sink into his head? It never changed and i always felt like crap.
Then there was the X factor, who the hell goes and hangs out with a total wacko X that tried to destroy your life and relationship? This fuckhead called ME at work to fuck with me and told lies about me that almost destroyed us! I cant even remember all the shit he did, and i would have loved to smash his face in for it. And corey kept having to act like he was ok now and he wasnt crazy anymore. Why does he deserve any attention from you? dont you remember what he did? Cause i sure do! That poison needs sucked out and spit out. But he will never learn and he will keep getting shit on.
OH then the lies!!!! Im going out with this person when im really going out with this other person. Im doing this when im really doing that. Then you get busted and its excuses excuses excuses. Probably my favorite one was how he signed a lease on an apartment and didnt tell me, i know something was up and had to beat it out of him on the phone the day he moved in. I told him to move out, why didnt you just tell me? Was i just going to find out when i walked in the door and found all your stuff gone? Cause thats a real fucked up thing to do to the person you say you love.
Putting me into collections because of his cell phone bill was pretty fucked up too. I mean fucking with someones credit just isnt cool. The day after that i found out the cable bill in my name he was 'paying' wasnt paid and was due to be shut off that weekend. FUCK! I had to scramble and get my shit back together real quick...and i did it.
Probably one of the dumbest things i ever did was get him the car! OMFG! I know when i signed those papers it was because i thought he was it and it would be fine but oh fuck me! The stress i have gotten from that car is out of control! From him busting the mirror off and not fixing it to his crazy drunk driving to the way he totally trashed it! Omg it literally stinks inside! I told him i wanted it back and naturally he cant get a car to save his life so before he fucked it up even more i stole it back. Yes I had my friend drop me off in the parking lot at his work, i got in and i drove it away. I called him right as he was going on his break and told him it was gone, he said 'wow'. Amazingly my pulse started to slow down pretty quickly after that. I told him i sure wasnt 'trying' anymore and i didnt want him cruizing around in my car like he was somebuddy. I really cant believe how trashed it is. Sad.
There were several times when i would get SO mad at him and want to kill him for doing something that was so hurtfull to me i died inside and all i needed was to hear 'baby im so sorry' and i would have probably melted and been ok. I wanted to grab him and tell him to please stop, please stop hurting me baby...but if it did work it would have only worked for a week max and it would have been right back to BS!
We did have our good times but i dont know how good they really were. Who knows what he was really doing. In the end he was just here because the car was mine anyway. He needed wheels to go see the crazy X behind my back anyway. BASTARD!
Well so anywayz. Here i am...2 years...the good...the bad...the ugly...the REALLY ugly. Im counting my loses and moving on with my life. A few more things to 'clean up' and my life will be back to normal. I was hanging out with my little sister the other night talking about our relationship troubles and she said something totally true and made me feel really happy. She told me 'our family is full of strong people'.
And with that...on I go and im going to find that person that treats me right and i will be happy. No it might not be tomorrow but im not in a hurry.
So how did it happen? Well im trying to figure that out still. I was looking back at the post i had made when corey and i first met and I know i wasnt totally happy then but i wanted to make it work. I think the not coming home part really got the ball rolling, I mean what the hell am i supposed to think when i wake up alone. I tried several ways to make him understand that wasnt cool, most of them me being very angry, but i did try just talking to him about it too. It all just made me feel so disrespected, why didnt that sink into his head? It never changed and i always felt like crap.
Then there was the X factor, who the hell goes and hangs out with a total wacko X that tried to destroy your life and relationship? This fuckhead called ME at work to fuck with me and told lies about me that almost destroyed us! I cant even remember all the shit he did, and i would have loved to smash his face in for it. And corey kept having to act like he was ok now and he wasnt crazy anymore. Why does he deserve any attention from you? dont you remember what he did? Cause i sure do! That poison needs sucked out and spit out. But he will never learn and he will keep getting shit on.
OH then the lies!!!! Im going out with this person when im really going out with this other person. Im doing this when im really doing that. Then you get busted and its excuses excuses excuses. Probably my favorite one was how he signed a lease on an apartment and didnt tell me, i know something was up and had to beat it out of him on the phone the day he moved in. I told him to move out, why didnt you just tell me? Was i just going to find out when i walked in the door and found all your stuff gone? Cause thats a real fucked up thing to do to the person you say you love.
Putting me into collections because of his cell phone bill was pretty fucked up too. I mean fucking with someones credit just isnt cool. The day after that i found out the cable bill in my name he was 'paying' wasnt paid and was due to be shut off that weekend. FUCK! I had to scramble and get my shit back together real quick...and i did it.
Probably one of the dumbest things i ever did was get him the car! OMFG! I know when i signed those papers it was because i thought he was it and it would be fine but oh fuck me! The stress i have gotten from that car is out of control! From him busting the mirror off and not fixing it to his crazy drunk driving to the way he totally trashed it! Omg it literally stinks inside! I told him i wanted it back and naturally he cant get a car to save his life so before he fucked it up even more i stole it back. Yes I had my friend drop me off in the parking lot at his work, i got in and i drove it away. I called him right as he was going on his break and told him it was gone, he said 'wow'. Amazingly my pulse started to slow down pretty quickly after that. I told him i sure wasnt 'trying' anymore and i didnt want him cruizing around in my car like he was somebuddy. I really cant believe how trashed it is. Sad.
There were several times when i would get SO mad at him and want to kill him for doing something that was so hurtfull to me i died inside and all i needed was to hear 'baby im so sorry' and i would have probably melted and been ok. I wanted to grab him and tell him to please stop, please stop hurting me baby...but if it did work it would have only worked for a week max and it would have been right back to BS!
We did have our good times but i dont know how good they really were. Who knows what he was really doing. In the end he was just here because the car was mine anyway. He needed wheels to go see the crazy X behind my back anyway. BASTARD!
Well so anywayz. Here i am...2 years...the good...the bad...the ugly...the REALLY ugly. Im counting my loses and moving on with my life. A few more things to 'clean up' and my life will be back to normal. I was hanging out with my little sister the other night talking about our relationship troubles and she said something totally true and made me feel really happy. She told me 'our family is full of strong people'.
And with that...on I go and im going to find that person that treats me right and i will be happy. No it might not be tomorrow but im not in a hurry.