I Am Johanna Barker. You Killed My Father. Prepare to Die.
Today, I made one of my frequent visits to the Sweeney Todd archive at fanfiction.net and found a truly delightful story. Sporking is in bold.
Johanna's Revenge
Johana finds out what happened to sweeney todd, her father. she then seeks revenge for his death. one shot
Tsk, tsk. You clearly know how to spell her name correctly. Would it be so hard to do it twice?
A/N this story was written by my GF not me. she deosnt think it's any good so feel free to comment.
Oh, so you both have blood on your hands. Good to know.
This story begins with Johanna having a flashback dream about her visit to Mr. Todd's shop:
I stand on the first step, it creaks under my weight, sure does make me feel good about my self...
Tonight, a very special fanfic focuses on Johanna's body image issues.
Johanna: My guardian almost forced me to marry him, I was unfairly imprisoned in an insane asylum, my father almost killed me, and I LOOK SO FAT IN THIS DRESS!
Anthony: That's not-
Johanna: THIS MARRIAGE IS BUILT ON LIES!
I carry on ignoring the creaking as I get closer to the top a nail catches on my cloak as if someone didn't want to see inside the room, I believe in Fate, Destiny and the Paranormal so it doesn't surprise me that I think this.
...and that's why Judge Turpin took away Johanna's copy of Harry Potter Wuthering Heights.
Johanna sees Mr. Todd kill Judge Turpin, realizes that she's having a dream, and decides to go to the bakehouse, where she sees Toby kill Mr. Todd. Apparently, she's psychic.
It is then that I realise that I must kill Toby for what he did, My dad may have been a crazy old man, but I met him and didn't even get to know who he was.
You did so get to meet him, Johanna. He almost slit your throat. That's not exactly a good first impression, is it? Also, didn't Toby kill Mr. Todd to avenge Mrs. Lovett? Clearly, this is a vicious cycle.
Johanna awakes and has a conversation with Anthony, who is now her husband. He has this to say about Mr. Todd:
“he was sent away for life, accused of committing a crime, he didn't say what it was, he immigrated back with me..."
Dude, Anthony watched the movie! Alternatively, psychic powers are an STD. Also, the author does not know what "immigrated" means.
The conversation continues:
“And Toby killed him after he completed his goal and now I swear revenge for killing my dad before I get to understand who he was, what he did and why he did it”
“Your family loves revenge, I don't think you should, he's probably dead anyway.”
I have nothing to add to that.
Later, Johanna goes on her roaring rampage of revenge with Anthony in tow:
It's 12AM and I start to get ready, I put on my dull yellow dress, Anthony loves it, he says it shows the true colour of my hair in comparison, you don't see many blondes, which is why I rarely go out, people stare and it makes me feel like a freak.
First, that color will wash her out completely. Anthony doesn't know what he's talking about. Second, Johanna is clearly twelve years old, not sixteen. "Everybody's looking at meeeeeeeee! I'm a freeeeeeak!"
there aren't many young folk around either, they usually get abducted and murdered and the police don't do much, it happens all the time, never under ten times a day.
So...bad neighborhood, then? Also, I'd like to know where she got that statistic.
Soon, they find Toby by the docks:
He sits on the docks with us, watching the boat sale.
Ooh, they're having a boat sale? That's exciting! My grandfather used to be a boat salesman before he retired. This brings back lots of memories.
I've never killed anyone before, it scares me to think I'm about to. what if I love it and go on a rampage like my dad?
It might make a good fic, if written by somebody else.
Johanna decides to risk it:
I kneel down and take the barber knife out my stocking.
What happened to your razor, Johanna?
I slice his throat slowly, to make sure he feels the pain I had to suffer knowing he killed my dad. of course it isn't the same pain but it's still pain all the same.
Yeah, well, he's dead, isn't he? Sweet coconut-flavored Jesus, Johanna has a lousy sense of proportion.
Mr. Todd's ghost appears and gives Anthony this warning:
“You better take care of her since I never got the chance, if you don't I'll come back and use a knife on you, worse than my victims” shows a big smile “I'm joking so don't worry, I know you'll take good care of her.”
Mr. Todd: Naw, I'm just kidding. You're alright.
And now for the clincher...
We reach the house and I get ready for bed, after all it is 11PM. Anthony comes back from the bathroom, he whispers something and we both realise.................. I'm pregnant.
Johanna, sweetheart...I'm not sure how to break this to you, but the way you described that blessed event...well, it sounds like Anthony is pregnant. Ah, well. I've always said that there wasn't enough mpreg in my fandom.