I'm missing the part where there's any summer, but I spotted the rain.
I decided to spork one of the gems that fomalhaut48 had in her Ouran seasons summary sporks (alliteration FTW lol)
(Spork in bold)
Summer Rain
Summary:
It was the last time that he'd see him, In the summer rain. HikaruKaoru. Yaoi. Fluff. Character Death.
POV: Kaoru's until the flashback, and after the flash back
So basically three paragraphs then?
(part of) Disclaimer: The pairings are fan based and inspirded by the show. You can find the episodes of Ouran High School Host Club on our goodbyes
Inspirded? It’s no good, the inspir is ded!
I became interested in the family business, and cosmatolagy.
Cosmology = a branch of astronomy concerned with the study of the larger-scale structures in the universe. Cosmatolagy on the other hand is study of a Japanese costume shop, which is very in keeping with the Hikaru & Kaoru’s mother’s fashion interests. Don't confuse the two ;)
Hikaru had joined the marines.
Wait…what? The…what now? That fails in a million different ways not least because the Japanese don’t have a Marine Corps - it’s actually Japan Maritime Self-Defense Force
Normally this wouldn't be a problem, until he became 18.
Wouldn’t he have had to be 18 anyway to join the Marines?
(Into the flashback)
Hikaru stood at the train station, bags in hand, waiting to depart. He had been drafted to fight in the war with Iraq.
I think this poor badfic author is confusing Japan with America. It’s easy to do, I mean there’s no real give away in the Anime or Manga that they’re anywhere other than America *end sarcasm*
Hikaru turned around just as Kaoru threw himself into Hikaru's arms and kissed him deeply. This shocked Hikaru some,
Oh poor lonely comma left hanging there in midair like that. It’s like they completely forgot about you. Also, I thought you said he’d joined the Marines? How many ways could you possibly fail in this fic badficcer? I mean it’s less than 500 words long. Although, it could be a cunning way for him to be kicked out of the not-Marines before he even went off to war.
"Hikaru i can never stay mad at you! Your to blind to see that i love you! I always have! I got mad at you because yoru leaving me!"
Is ‘yoru’ one of those fangirl-Japanese words? Of course he loves him, he is his twin. Also, I can see that you have a shift bar, and you capitalised ‘I’ right there, so why aren’t you doing it the other times?
Kaoru ran into a series of hysterics.
He should watch where he’s going then, those hysterics don’t like being run into.
"Don't fret. Nothing will change."
Err, but, you became American, joined them Marines and now you’re going to Iraq; I fail to see how they could change more.
The station was playing soft music, as a custome to leaving soliders.
I read that as costume, maybe I’ve suddenly discovered an interest in cosmatolagy? Anyone know what soliders are? And do they really do that at train stations? (Ah, so many questions this badfic has caused me to ask)
"Come dance with me, please."
Hikaru took Kaoru by the hand to an open area and began to dance with him. as the two began to dance the train pulled up. Kaoru's eyes flooded his vision with tears. […] Hikaru wiped the tears away, and kissed him softly. Hikaru parted his lips and pulled back in a toothly smile.
Did someone temporarily move your shift key again? Also, just in case they hadn’t shown themselves to be truly weird in the eyes of the people waiting at the station the people on the train now get to see them kiss. I wanna know how those pesky eyes managed to turn on the taps.
(skip teary eyed waving and End of Flashback)
He still hasn't come home yet, and I'm still waiting. It's been near to 2 years now. Those Japanese not-Marines are hardcore, they send their men to someone else’s war zone for two whole years with no leave in that whole time. He's out there, i know it. He's stationed on the boarded or Iraq and Iran. I know he's thinking of me, i'm thinking of him. I’d get that shift key looked at if I were you, it seems to have a few issues. It’s no wonder he’s been gone two years if he doesn’t know if he’s in Iraq or Iran and ‘boarded’? I’m not too sure how you even came up with that.
The doorbell rung, the mailman. The mailman, what? I took the envelope from him, it looked like it was from the marines. Do you really expect me to believe that Kaoru answers his own front door and to the mailman no less? *snorts* Doesn’t he have a servant for that or something? Maybe it's one of Hikaru's letters home. Don’t you recognise your own twin’s writing? I took a deep breath as i read the letter. I pulled out the photograph incased inside... A tattered and burnt picture of the two of us. I’m fairly sure that’s not how they notify a family but I wouldn’t know for sure as it’s never happened to me or anyone I know.
That’s it, the end. What a waste, all that angst that could be explored was completely ignored. Poor Kaoru didn’t even get to cry for his lost twin. That said, the whole plot is completely implausible as the Hikaru we all know probably wouldn’t last a minute in the Marines, besides I’m fairly sure his parents wouldn’t be too thrilled if he did join the military.
(Spork in bold)
Summer Rain
Summary:
It was the last time that he'd see him, In the summer rain. HikaruKaoru. Yaoi. Fluff. Character Death.
POV: Kaoru's until the flashback, and after the flash back
So basically three paragraphs then?
(part of) Disclaimer: The pairings are fan based and inspirded by the show. You can find the episodes of Ouran High School Host Club on our goodbyes
Inspirded? It’s no good, the inspir is ded!
I became interested in the family business, and cosmatolagy.
Cosmology = a branch of astronomy concerned with the study of the larger-scale structures in the universe. Cosmatolagy on the other hand is study of a Japanese costume shop, which is very in keeping with the Hikaru & Kaoru’s mother’s fashion interests. Don't confuse the two ;)
Hikaru had joined the marines.
Wait…what? The…what now? That fails in a million different ways not least because the Japanese don’t have a Marine Corps - it’s actually Japan Maritime Self-Defense Force
Normally this wouldn't be a problem, until he became 18.
Wouldn’t he have had to be 18 anyway to join the Marines?
(Into the flashback)
Hikaru stood at the train station, bags in hand, waiting to depart. He had been drafted to fight in the war with Iraq.
I think this poor badfic author is confusing Japan with America. It’s easy to do, I mean there’s no real give away in the Anime or Manga that they’re anywhere other than America *end sarcasm*
Hikaru turned around just as Kaoru threw himself into Hikaru's arms and kissed him deeply. This shocked Hikaru some,
Oh poor lonely comma left hanging there in midair like that. It’s like they completely forgot about you. Also, I thought you said he’d joined the Marines? How many ways could you possibly fail in this fic badficcer? I mean it’s less than 500 words long. Although, it could be a cunning way for him to be kicked out of the not-Marines before he even went off to war.
"Hikaru i can never stay mad at you! Your to blind to see that i love you! I always have! I got mad at you because yoru leaving me!"
Is ‘yoru’ one of those fangirl-Japanese words? Of course he loves him, he is his twin. Also, I can see that you have a shift bar, and you capitalised ‘I’ right there, so why aren’t you doing it the other times?
Kaoru ran into a series of hysterics.
He should watch where he’s going then, those hysterics don’t like being run into.
"Don't fret. Nothing will change."
Err, but, you became American, joined them Marines and now you’re going to Iraq; I fail to see how they could change more.
The station was playing soft music, as a custome to leaving soliders.
I read that as costume, maybe I’ve suddenly discovered an interest in cosmatolagy? Anyone know what soliders are? And do they really do that at train stations? (Ah, so many questions this badfic has caused me to ask)
"Come dance with me, please."
Hikaru took Kaoru by the hand to an open area and began to dance with him. as the two began to dance the train pulled up. Kaoru's eyes flooded his vision with tears. […] Hikaru wiped the tears away, and kissed him softly. Hikaru parted his lips and pulled back in a toothly smile.
Did someone temporarily move your shift key again? Also, just in case they hadn’t shown themselves to be truly weird in the eyes of the people waiting at the station the people on the train now get to see them kiss. I wanna know how those pesky eyes managed to turn on the taps.
(skip teary eyed waving and End of Flashback)
He still hasn't come home yet, and I'm still waiting. It's been near to 2 years now. Those Japanese not-Marines are hardcore, they send their men to someone else’s war zone for two whole years with no leave in that whole time. He's out there, i know it. He's stationed on the boarded or Iraq and Iran. I know he's thinking of me, i'm thinking of him. I’d get that shift key looked at if I were you, it seems to have a few issues. It’s no wonder he’s been gone two years if he doesn’t know if he’s in Iraq or Iran and ‘boarded’? I’m not too sure how you even came up with that.
The doorbell rung, the mailman. The mailman, what? I took the envelope from him, it looked like it was from the marines. Do you really expect me to believe that Kaoru answers his own front door and to the mailman no less? *snorts* Doesn’t he have a servant for that or something? Maybe it's one of Hikaru's letters home. Don’t you recognise your own twin’s writing? I took a deep breath as i read the letter. I pulled out the photograph incased inside... A tattered and burnt picture of the two of us. I’m fairly sure that’s not how they notify a family but I wouldn’t know for sure as it’s never happened to me or anyone I know.
That’s it, the end. What a waste, all that angst that could be explored was completely ignored. Poor Kaoru didn’t even get to cry for his lost twin. That said, the whole plot is completely implausible as the Hikaru we all know probably wouldn’t last a minute in the Marines, besides I’m fairly sure his parents wouldn’t be too thrilled if he did join the military.