Questions You Don't Want to Answer, "Movies" version
It's time for another edition of "Questionable Badfic" - yes, that's right, badfic asking questions you don't want to answer! Today's episode: Movie Questions!
Illustrious mods, I need a tag for "The Ring," please and thankyou.
Ten Things I Hate About You
"Will they develop love, or friendship, or contain hatred?"
Hopefully if they have hatred they'll let it out. I have no idea why they'd want to contain it. Oh, and if you want an answer... they should develop contained hatred, and then let it out all at once.
"Kat pushes everyone away but can Kat really cope on her own and what about her and Patrick?"
Well, either she pushes everyone away, which includes Patrick, or this summary is a liar. I'm going with the second option.
"How was Kat feeling before she wrote that poem for her class?"
Pensive. Next.
"Have you always been this selfish?"
It's possible.
"Kat and Patrick are DEFINITELY in love but is that actually enough?"
Chick flicks say yes. Real life says no.
"What if Kat was a slayer. Everything would make sense"
Okay, so it's not technically a question, but it was supposed to be. That makes sense. The whole slayer thing? Not so much.
"Kat and Patrick have problems.....what should they do?"
The answer, obviously, is "write badfic."
Pirates of the Caribbean
"And will the prophecy be fulfilled?"
Sure it will, if this fic was meant to be in the "Lord of the Rings" section.
"i'm not the best writer so i need your help thru reviews K?"
So this isn't a real question either. You are not the best writer, K?
"What else could you ask for?"
Better fics?
"liadan was the daughter of the most feared pirate in the world now that she is left with the map and key to the treasure a certain captain and certain crew want what she has but does a certain women have certain secrets about the treasur?"
First, take a breath. Second, add some punctuation. Third... figure out what the hell you're talking about.
"Have you ever wondered what happened to Jack's Mum?"
Surprisingly, no.
Not a question, but an excellent Mary Sue + Mary Sue + absurdity = this fic summary:
"Two orphan 13 year old twins, Kris and Ash, female despite their names. The deadliest underage pirates to sail the seven seas. Also addicted to their hats. Follow them as they try to find their true identities, as much as you can when you're blind!"
WALL-E
"What if some Humans surived without going into space with the others? How they surived for the last 700 years? Captain McCrea founds out after falling in love with one of those who ancestors who stayed behind? Will this love go or not?"
What if some Humans read this summary without barfing? Will this be plausible or not?
"But what if it had gone in a different direction?"
Then it would have been a completely different film. Obviously.
"Can he find anyone who cares?"
I can think of someone who WON'T care. He's over in the "House, MD" section.
"What if Wall-E and Eve were turned into humans for a week?"
Then they wouldn't be cute robots and I would be disappointed. You just gave me yet another reason not to read your fic.
"Was the whole thing just chance?"
This is the sort of question I like to yell right out loud with special emphasis on certain parts: "Was the whole thing JUST CHANCE???!???"
"The ability to taste is given to the robots, but how will EVE react when she discovers something called Beer?"
Then we write robot-y drinking songs, fashioned after the "Irish Drinking Song" from "Whose Line is It Anyway?", obviously.
The Ring
"Where has Samara gone?"
The happiest place on Earth, Disney World.
"Fed up with Santa Claus is coming?"
Given the choice between the creepy soul-eating girl and Santa Claus, I think I'd go with Santa. More happiness, less death.
"What happens when they annnoy Samara with... dun dun dun chatspeak?"
Dun dun dun stupidity.
"A bullet can't stop Samara, or can it?"
It can't stop badfic, either.
"What if 'Ring' hadn't ended the way it did?"
It would have had a different ending. This is not rocket science, people!
Illustrious mods, I need a tag for "The Ring," please and thankyou.
Ten Things I Hate About You
"Will they develop love, or friendship, or contain hatred?"
Hopefully if they have hatred they'll let it out. I have no idea why they'd want to contain it. Oh, and if you want an answer... they should develop contained hatred, and then let it out all at once.
"Kat pushes everyone away but can Kat really cope on her own and what about her and Patrick?"
Well, either she pushes everyone away, which includes Patrick, or this summary is a liar. I'm going with the second option.
"How was Kat feeling before she wrote that poem for her class?"
Pensive. Next.
"Have you always been this selfish?"
It's possible.
"Kat and Patrick are DEFINITELY in love but is that actually enough?"
Chick flicks say yes. Real life says no.
"What if Kat was a slayer. Everything would make sense"
Okay, so it's not technically a question, but it was supposed to be. That makes sense. The whole slayer thing? Not so much.
"Kat and Patrick have problems.....what should they do?"
The answer, obviously, is "write badfic."
Pirates of the Caribbean
"And will the prophecy be fulfilled?"
Sure it will, if this fic was meant to be in the "Lord of the Rings" section.
"i'm not the best writer so i need your help thru reviews K?"
So this isn't a real question either. You are not the best writer, K?
"What else could you ask for?"
Better fics?
"liadan was the daughter of the most feared pirate in the world now that she is left with the map and key to the treasure a certain captain and certain crew want what she has but does a certain women have certain secrets about the treasur?"
First, take a breath. Second, add some punctuation. Third... figure out what the hell you're talking about.
"Have you ever wondered what happened to Jack's Mum?"
Surprisingly, no.
Not a question, but an excellent Mary Sue + Mary Sue + absurdity = this fic summary:
"Two orphan 13 year old twins, Kris and Ash, female despite their names. The deadliest underage pirates to sail the seven seas. Also addicted to their hats. Follow them as they try to find their true identities, as much as you can when you're blind!"
WALL-E
"What if some Humans surived without going into space with the others? How they surived for the last 700 years? Captain McCrea founds out after falling in love with one of those who ancestors who stayed behind? Will this love go or not?"
What if some Humans read this summary without barfing? Will this be plausible or not?
"But what if it had gone in a different direction?"
Then it would have been a completely different film. Obviously.
"Can he find anyone who cares?"
I can think of someone who WON'T care. He's over in the "House, MD" section.
"What if Wall-E and Eve were turned into humans for a week?"
Then they wouldn't be cute robots and I would be disappointed. You just gave me yet another reason not to read your fic.
"Was the whole thing just chance?"
This is the sort of question I like to yell right out loud with special emphasis on certain parts: "Was the whole thing JUST CHANCE???!???"
"The ability to taste is given to the robots, but how will EVE react when she discovers something called Beer?"
Then we write robot-y drinking songs, fashioned after the "Irish Drinking Song" from "Whose Line is It Anyway?", obviously.
The Ring
"Where has Samara gone?"
The happiest place on Earth, Disney World.
"Fed up with Santa Claus is coming?"
Given the choice between the creepy soul-eating girl and Santa Claus, I think I'd go with Santa. More happiness, less death.
"What happens when they annnoy Samara with... dun dun dun chatspeak?"
Dun dun dun stupidity.
"A bullet can't stop Samara, or can it?"
It can't stop badfic, either.
"What if 'Ring' hadn't ended the way it did?"
It would have had a different ending. This is not rocket science, people!