More Unsexy Similes (AKA What Were You Thinking?!)
Aaand he/she's back. With more badfic. OOCness, poor word choices, and WTF-ery abound! [Another one for the Frozen tag, thanks!]
Though he had married her sister Anna, who would soon be delivering Arendelle its first prince in a lifetime
If they had just FedEx-ed it, it would have arrived much sooner.
Kristoff's singular obsession in life had been capturing for himself the majesty of the Ismakt - Elsa's supernatural talent that made his mundane heart bleed as if pierced by a rapier.
And then the talent caused him to bleed out and die.
curled back her head to rest on the hay
Oooh, that sounds painful.
rubbing her thighs against each other like a cricket struggling to make music
Poor Elsa doesn't know how to perform solo. Silly girl. You need a musician to play that instrument...
Elsa twisted her face against his lips as if she were a citrus trying to ream the juices from herself.
Then it should be the other end, right? Just sit on the juicer and twist...
[he] simply let the glacier of Elsa's love flow over him.
It takes a few thousand years because it moves really, really slowly. Good thing he got comfortable, eh?
The conundrum compelled him to simply wait for Elsa to make the first movie
It's called Ice in Heat. The critics' reviews have been sizzling so far.
[on penetration] He felt as though a pair of lips had wrapped around him and pulled him in like a juicy cut of meat stuck with a fork
*winces* Gentlemen, I'm sure you take much, much better care of your, um, meat. And I hope it isn't as bad for you as the author thinks it is.
A glove patterned from his own hand would not have fit as snugly as Kristoff did into his beloved sister-in-law.
I'll bet that's been heard a lot in the divorce proceedings...
Though he had married her sister Anna, who would soon be delivering Arendelle its first prince in a lifetime
If they had just FedEx-ed it, it would have arrived much sooner.
Kristoff's singular obsession in life had been capturing for himself the majesty of the Ismakt - Elsa's supernatural talent that made his mundane heart bleed as if pierced by a rapier.
And then the talent caused him to bleed out and die.
curled back her head to rest on the hay
Oooh, that sounds painful.
rubbing her thighs against each other like a cricket struggling to make music
Poor Elsa doesn't know how to perform solo. Silly girl. You need a musician to play that instrument...
Elsa twisted her face against his lips as if she were a citrus trying to ream the juices from herself.
Then it should be the other end, right? Just sit on the juicer and twist...
[he] simply let the glacier of Elsa's love flow over him.
It takes a few thousand years because it moves really, really slowly. Good thing he got comfortable, eh?
The conundrum compelled him to simply wait for Elsa to make the first movie
It's called Ice in Heat. The critics' reviews have been sizzling so far.
[on penetration] He felt as though a pair of lips had wrapped around him and pulled him in like a juicy cut of meat stuck with a fork
*winces* Gentlemen, I'm sure you take much, much better care of your, um, meat. And I hope it isn't as bad for you as the author thinks it is.
A glove patterned from his own hand would not have fit as snugly as Kristoff did into his beloved sister-in-law.
I'll bet that's been heard a lot in the divorce proceedings...