Not to sound pretentious, badfic author, but WHAT DID I JUST READ?
Since joining xi_rpg as Xioalin Showdown's Jack Spicer, I have, understandably, been on a Jack Spicer kick. I've mostly been looking at fanart, but today I decided I would set out in search of fic. There's a lot of junk in the Pit, of course, but a few gems of character analysis and the occasional cute JackxKimiko, and then...
there's Little Mistake.
Sporking in bold.
Tell me, Jack. Are you a boy genius?" His father sneered.
"Yes. Whatever you wish." The boy answered angrily.
Already, I'm wondering if this fic is a The Princess Bride crossover. Maybe that would have made it better... But what's really happening is, his father is having a party. Lots of people who make random snide remarks about Jack's albino-ness are there, eating those little weenies on sticks and drinking champagne.
His father had been teasing him ever since he came up for water.
...This sentence is just bizarre. Came up for water? I don't understand what this even MEANS.
"Father, can I go back to the basement? I rather like the silence without the pretentious atmosphere. Big words. Yes?"
Author, can Jack go back to the way he is in canon? I rather like him when he is being a whiny spazz. In character. Yes?
Anyway, Jack's father sends him to his room, a little girl follows him and wants to play with him.
"Yes?" He said nicely, smiling at her.
Do the words "Evil Boy Genius" mean NOTHING to you, author?
"What's your name?" He closed his name and placed her on his bed.
He closed his name? What!? ...I honestly have no clue what's SUPPOSED to be there, actually.
"Mikai Mary-Sue." She smiled.
Jack washes his face and hands, makes a random comment about his father, and comes back to the room, where Mikai is playing.
He walked back in to see Mikai admiring the small robots he had on his desk. Preferably a small ballerina. Why he had it was beyond him. Maybe to be a plot device. He had probably made it for some reason. Most likely to be a plot device. "It dances." He said nicely as the girl turned around. ...I read that with very creepy subtext. I'm a horrible person. T_T
"Here. It's yours." He smiled again. "You like ballerinas, hmm?"
And now he's giving little girls random ballerina toys he made. THAT DANCE.
Where the hell is Jack and what have you done with him? >|
Finally Jack heard people leaving. He pushed the thing he drew to Mikai. "It's you." She stared at the intricate drawing of a ballerina that looked just like her. She was posed beautifully, and she was colored vibrantly. She smiled from ear to ear when Jack put it in front of her. "Hold on." He wrote in cursive letters. "You like princesses?"
"Mhm!" She nodded cutely.
"Princess Mikai." He smiled. He wrote a small note on the back as well, reading that Princess Mikai has been deemed the best dancer in the kingdom by Prince Jack. Brb, going to vomit. She found this most amusing. He hugged him happily. I find the sudden sex change most amusing.
He smiled as he looked at the picture, picking out details to fawn over.
Fawn over? Jack doesn't FAWN over anything! Except Chase Young...
"You're a very good child, Jackson." Jack smiled.
"Thank you."
He builds killer robots in his basement! He fights on the side of darkness everyday! He's bent on WORLD DOMINATION. What part of EVIL do you not understand!?
Mikai's mother pays Jack $300 bucks for watching her kid for an hour and leaves. Jack's dad proves to be the abusive father we fangirls were hoping would show up that never appeared in canon, and throws him into some glass. Whether it was a window or some other random glass object is not specified.
A woman's voice came from the other room. It was Jack's mother. She had stayed in bed the whole party. Ah, that's where he gets his anti-social tendencies from.
Jack coughed and a piece of glass came up. Oi, that sounds serious, you should maybe go to the hospital...
"Jackson, go to your room, lie down and get yourself fixed up. I'll be in to check on you in a moment." Or just do that, I guess that works, too...?
Finally, I know this is outside the fic, but this part of the author's note amused me greatly:
always saw Jack's father as a pretentious ass
There's a little bit of difference between being a pretentious ass and THROWING YOUR SON THROUGH A WINDOW.
Mods, if that was TL:DR, tell me and I'll shorten it ASAP. ^^
there's Little Mistake.
Sporking in bold.
Tell me, Jack. Are you a boy genius?" His father sneered.
"Yes. Whatever you wish." The boy answered angrily.
Already, I'm wondering if this fic is a The Princess Bride crossover. Maybe that would have made it better... But what's really happening is, his father is having a party. Lots of people who make random snide remarks about Jack's albino-ness are there, eating those little weenies on sticks and drinking champagne.
His father had been teasing him ever since he came up for water.
...This sentence is just bizarre. Came up for water? I don't understand what this even MEANS.
"Father, can I go back to the basement? I rather like the silence without the pretentious atmosphere. Big words. Yes?"
Author, can Jack go back to the way he is in canon? I rather like him when he is being a whiny spazz. In character. Yes?
Anyway, Jack's father sends him to his room, a little girl follows him and wants to play with him.
"Yes?" He said nicely, smiling at her.
Do the words "Evil Boy Genius" mean NOTHING to you, author?
"What's your name?" He closed his name and placed her on his bed.
He closed his name? What!? ...I honestly have no clue what's SUPPOSED to be there, actually.
"Mikai Mary-Sue." She smiled.
Jack washes his face and hands, makes a random comment about his father, and comes back to the room, where Mikai is playing.
He walked back in to see Mikai admiring the small robots he had on his desk. Preferably a small ballerina. Why he had it was beyond him. Maybe to be a plot device. He had probably made it for some reason. Most likely to be a plot device. "It dances." He said nicely as the girl turned around. ...I read that with very creepy subtext. I'm a horrible person. T_T
"Here. It's yours." He smiled again. "You like ballerinas, hmm?"
And now he's giving little girls random ballerina toys he made. THAT DANCE.
Where the hell is Jack and what have you done with him? >|
Finally Jack heard people leaving. He pushed the thing he drew to Mikai. "It's you." She stared at the intricate drawing of a ballerina that looked just like her. She was posed beautifully, and she was colored vibrantly. She smiled from ear to ear when Jack put it in front of her. "Hold on." He wrote in cursive letters. "You like princesses?"
"Mhm!" She nodded cutely.
"Princess Mikai." He smiled. He wrote a small note on the back as well, reading that Princess Mikai has been deemed the best dancer in the kingdom by Prince Jack. Brb, going to vomit. She found this most amusing. He hugged him happily. I find the sudden sex change most amusing.
He smiled as he looked at the picture, picking out details to fawn over.
Fawn over? Jack doesn't FAWN over anything! Except Chase Young...
"You're a very good child, Jackson." Jack smiled.
"Thank you."
He builds killer robots in his basement! He fights on the side of darkness everyday! He's bent on WORLD DOMINATION. What part of EVIL do you not understand!?
Mikai's mother pays Jack $300 bucks for watching her kid for an hour and leaves. Jack's dad proves to be the abusive father we fangirls were hoping would show up that never appeared in canon, and throws him into some glass. Whether it was a window or some other random glass object is not specified.
A woman's voice came from the other room. It was Jack's mother. She had stayed in bed the whole party. Ah, that's where he gets his anti-social tendencies from.
Jack coughed and a piece of glass came up. Oi, that sounds serious, you should maybe go to the hospital...
"Jackson, go to your room, lie down and get yourself fixed up. I'll be in to check on you in a moment." Or just do that, I guess that works, too...?
Finally, I know this is outside the fic, but this part of the author's note amused me greatly:
always saw Jack's father as a pretentious ass
There's a little bit of difference between being a pretentious ass and THROWING YOUR SON THROUGH A WINDOW.
Mods, if that was TL:DR, tell me and I'll shorten it ASAP. ^^