Mary-sues. Just, no.
Title: suna amber
Author's Name: killer-of-bakas
Name(s): amber
Fandom: Naruto
Species:...
EyeColor: Green, black, then turns to red..whut?
Hair color: Silver
Annoying Origin: She's supposed to be some love child of a Suna nurse and Kakashi-Sensei, and she has some kind of angsty past about her witnessing her mom dying. What else is new?
Annoying connections to canon Characters: somehow, she tags along with the sand siblings with Baki, and is somehow Gaara's best friend. O_O;
Notes: I have to say with all of the grammatical errors and OOC-ness, this was painful to spork. but nonetheless, I tried to make this sporking entertaining.
Nothing is happening as Gaara sand teleports in the sporking theater. He sees Temari and Kankuro looking at something.
Gaara: *Curious* Temari, Kankuro, what are you two up to?
Kankuro: Looks like we've been called in for a mission. Possible B-ranked.
Gaara: ..and that would be?
Temari: *Waves script in hand* Well, just from this, it sounds stupid to me.
Kankuro: Something about a self-insert. I can't make any sense out of it.
Temari: Whatever. Let's just get this damn thing over with.
disclaimer: i own nothing except amber, her mother, and her butler
Gaara: So, she owns some sort of gemstone? I am not impressed.
Kankuro: How do you own your mother?
Temari: By totally beating the hell out of her, of course!
Chapter 1: welcome to konaha
Temari: THIS should be interesting! *Rolls eyes*
amber walked beside gaara as they aproched the gates of konaha. "wow, the gates are huge!"
Gaara: So this amber in question is a girl. Who the Hell is she?
Temari: I think she's the self-insert.
Gaara: Of whom?
Kankuro: *Takes script* The author.
Gaara:....
Kankuro: Damn. We're not even one sentence in, and I'm already hating this.
amber said looking up at the top, her green eyes squinting to see. the wind blew her silver waist-long hair as gaara stopped and turned to look at her. "amber, lets go, i'm not going to let you stand around and gawk at simple things." gaara said cooly and started walking again. amber smirked and ran to catch up with him.
Gaara: If this is some kind of joke someone's playing, I'm definitely not amused I don't associate with random people who just claim they know me. Even if-
Kankuro: We agree whole-heartedly, Gaara! That's why I vote that we should just leave her out to rot in the desert!
Gaara: Or I could just kill her.
Temari: I don't really blame you, either.
"passports please." an older ninja asked, holding out his hand. amber and gaara handed them thier passports and amber pointed her thumb at the three fallowing a good yard behind them and replied softly, "those three behind us are the other members of my squad."
Kankuro: Your squad? Who the hell does she think she is? *Cracks knuckles*
Temari: So this guy's just in the middle of nowhere just asking for people's passports of whoever just happens to walk by?
Kankuro: Looks that way.
the man nodded and let them go through the gates. amber stayed at a steady pace next to gaara until he looked at her from the corner of his eye. "you can stay with kankuro and temari. i'm going to scout the village out." she looked at him and smiled, "sure thing, gaara."
Gaara: You know, everytime this girl speaks, I see her death coming inevitably faster.
Temari: There is something totally wrong with this picture.
meanwhile at the gate
Temari: Wait. Weren't we all traveling together? Why does this get its own scene change?
Gaara: Temari, you obviously weren't paying attention. She said that you were, and I quote, "fallowing a good yard behind them" So yes. because you three were behind us by a mere three feet, it does require it's own scene, accroding to the author.
Kankuro: *Bursts out laughing*
the older ninja walked over to the other ninja who was gaurding the gate. "did you see that girl?" the other looked up from the ground and nodded. "she looks a lot like kakashi."
Temari: Who cares?
Kankuro: This story's going nowhere fast
the other man nodded and spoke in a scratchy voice, "do you think she's related to him?" the other man shrugged, "i over heard him tell iruka one time that he had been dateing a suna woman 12 years ago." they both shrugged and went back to work.
Temari: What are they, gossping teenage girls?
Kankuro: You would know.
Temari: *Smack*
back with amber
Temari: *Twitch*
amber walked back over to kankuro, temari, and baki. "where did gaara go?" baki asked as gaara vanished into sand. "he's going to scan out the village. he told me to stay with kankuro and temari
Gaara: Good, and I hope I don't ever come back.
baki nodded and smiled at them, "well, have fun you three. i'm going to go get a drink."
All: *Doubletake*
Kankuro: I have no idea what this author is smoking, but whatever it is, she needs to stop. Now.
Temari: Did she just..no.
. she threw a rock and it hit some random person and started walking off with temari and kankuro walking close behind hergil is just asking to
Temari: There is no way in Hell I'd let that slide if it were me.
where are we going, amber?" temari asked after a while. they where walking down a back ally. "don't know, don't care." she replied bluntly. "you never do unless gaara does."
Gaara:...What?
Kakuro: I think that she's trying to say that she follows you like a lost puppy.
Temari: Well, if she's following you, lead her down a ditch, or into a set of traps or something.
said kankuro smirking as she stopped. "well at least i don't wet myself everytime he looks at me!" she snapped at him coldly
Kankuro:....
Gaara and Temari:*Stare at him*
Kankuro: *tightly grips armrest*I swear. This girl is staring at her own deathbed.
"i'm surprised you don't! he's as scary as hell!" she turned fully and stared at him coldly. "gaara is not scary! you're the scariest thing on the face of the earth, pig face!" and with that, a fight of verble insults broke out between the two.
Gaara: That's really mature of you. And her.
Kankuro: *grouch*
she raised her hand and in one swift movement, slapped kankuro. temari flinched as the SMACK rang through the alleyway.
All:...
Kankuro: I'll give ths ..wrench to the count of three..
"don't ever say that ever again, scum!" ambers eyes where almost black and her voice was dripping with venom
Kankuro: ..Two
kankuro got up off the ground and was about to fight back, but got rammed into by konahomaru.
Temari: *Burst out laughing*
Kankuro: On-wait. What?
amber smirked at kankuro, "you can't even dodge a kid coming at you."
Kankuro: Yeah, just keep on smirking, damn wrench. *Glares at Temari*
Gaara: Temari, stop it.
Temari: *Abruptly stops laughing and regains composure*
I'm snipping some of this because it's just getting plain stupid.
he's an idiot. kankuro is going to piss off gaara, then gaara's going to kill him. kankuro has a 1 out of 1,000,000,000 chance that he won't
Gaara: Correction: I'd kill you before I'd kill him. And there'd be a 1 out of 1,000,000 chance you'd survive.
Temari: I'd like to see some solid evidence for her to prove that Kankuro is an idiot.
Kankuro: She can't do that, because that would require for her to do some actual research.
amber looked up to see kankuro get hit in the arm with a rock. she looked up in the tree on the other side of the fence. she saw a boy with black hair and eyes. "it's sasuke-kun!" "so?" amber glared at him, eyes darkening to full black. he glared back at her. "what are you doing in my village?" kankuro glared at him and amber looked away. "why you..." the boy in the tree crushed the remaining rock into dust, "get out." "come down here and let me kill you." kankuro said as he unstrapped the puppet on his back. "you're going to use the crow!?" temari asked in worry. "this brat asked for it."
Kakuro: Heeey! This almost sounds like something that happened to us in canon. But you know, without her!
Temari: She's so original, it's mind boggling.
stop it kankuro." amber looked up in the tree and saw gaara hanging upsidown on the other branch. "you're a discrase to our village" "but the brats started it." "shut up, or i'll kill you."
Kankuro: *Points* And she's still doing it!
Temari: Who's talking?
Kankuro: It's not that hard to figure out..
Temari: But still, this lazy ass of an author should at least use a paragraph break or something!
Gaara: D I S G R A C E- I didn't really want to say anything before, but these typos are getting really hard to ignore. How difficult is it to use something so simple as spell check?
Temari: Hey! That almost rhy-
Gaara: *Glare*
kankuro gulped and started shaking, along with temari. "we're really sorry gaara," temari said quickly. "y-yea really sorry!" amber smirked as the two said their apolagies. gaara vanished in sand and appered next to amber. "the only one i can trust to not mess around and act her age is amber."
Gaara: Wait..WHAT?
Temari: She's just throwing all of this at us left and right!
Kankuro: She thinks that she has us wrapped around her scrawny little finger.
amber smiled as her eyes started going back to a bright green. "lets go." amber walked next to gaara and the boy jumped down. "wait, what's your name?" temari turned and blushed, "w-who, me?" "no. the spook beside you, and the girl next to him." gaara stopped and amber did to. "subaku no gaara." the boy turned to amber, "Yoru Amber." "uchiha sasuke." gaara nodded and started walking away. amber stood there, she noticed they were looking at her strangely. "amber, lets go." gaara said over his shoulder. she ran to catch up but looked back one more time to see them look at eachother.
Temari: Paragraph breaks. They're not really that hard to use.
*Snip*
"what do you think gaara, you saw them looking at me strangly right?" gaara nodded as they walked into a bar.
Gaara: Okay, now this author's becoming really lazy now.
Kankuro: 'strangly'? Is that like, strangling someone?
Temari: Yeah! They were probably imagining different ways of strangling her as they were staring at her!
Kankuro: That would explain a few things..
they were currently searching for thier stupid sensei.
Gaara: What right does she have to call anyone stupid? This has got to be one of those pot-kettle situations.
Kankuro: *Jumps up, enraged* If anyone's stupid, it's got to be the lazy ass creator of this fic.
Gaara: That's what I just sai-
Kankuro: Man, what I wouldn't give to give her a piece of my mind.
Temai: *Grabs Kankuro* Sit down!
"i was going to ask them why they were staring at me like that." she looked around at the people in the bar. no sign of baki.
Kankuro: Good for you. *Rolls eyes*
"hey, before your mom died she told you your father was a konaha ninja right." gaara asked as they walked out of the bar and going into the next.
Gaara: Why in the world would I ask that? I still don't even know who she is!
Temari: If Baki-Sensei was with us, we would not be a team of five. Even if we were, we definitely wouldn't be with someone like you.
amber grimised at the memory
-flashback-
amber held her moms hand as her mom smiled at her sweetly.
Kankuro: She has more than one mom?
All: *Shudder*
"amber, sweety, get some sleep. you havn't slept for three days now." amber shook her head.
"no! i'm not going to leave your side. if i do, you'll die!" amber cluched her mothers hand tighter.
Kankuro: How does that work?
her mom smiled at the floor. amber watched her mothers dull green eyes. just to think they where brite and shining a few days ago. her mother sighed and looked back at amber.
Kankuro: brite, huh?
Temari: Yep.
amber, nothing you do will stop what is bound to happen.
Gaara: That sounds vaguely familiar.
i'm not going to be here very long. i know you're still young but try and understand what i'm saying." "mommy, don't talk like that please!" amber begged silently to her mother. "amber, i know i've never spoke to you about your father but i was hoping you would be 15 not 7. your father is a konaha ninja. he was here on a mission and got hurt. i was a nurse at the time so i was looking after him. we soon started talking and then one night, we made you.
Temari: *Snerks*
Kankuro: So wait. He was hurt, and she treated him, and all of a sudden they started-
Gaara: Kankuro, please don't finish that train of thought. We get it now.
Kankuro: In one night?
Temari: But one night? You mean, what would have taken months and months to happpen, only took one night? The first through third trimesters of pregnancy happened in one night?
Gaara: *Sighs*
i always thought of you as his leaving gift to me. i wanted him to come back so i wrote him a letter telling him he had a child, but...i never herd of saw him after that day." amber looked at her mother, her eyes where a dark red as her mother told her this. she never met her father but hated him. even if she only saw pictures. "don't be mad at him, amber. we were both young and foolish. he just wasn't ready to be a father yet..."
Temari: Pssh yeah, right. You're actually going to believe that bull? That's what they all say.
amber noticed her mothers hand was getting colder every minute. "amber, if you ever meet him, tell...him...i..." her hand loosened and started to slip out of ambers but she gripped it again. "mommy? hey, stop playing! mommy! it's not funny! wake up! get up! stop that mommy! mommy! mommy! mommy!!!"
Kankuro: Exclamation point abuse!
Temari: It sure is a direct way to get your point across!!
Kankuro: With emphasis!
Gaara: I'm only going to tell you two just this once. Stop it.
amber was yelling at the top of her lungs trying to get her mother to stop and wake up again. she relised her mom wasn't playing and screamed as hard and loud as she could.
Gaara: She's dead already! Why can't she just get over herself?
Temari: Like screaming is going to wake her up anyway.
everyone in suna could hear her scraeming. her butler came in and had to pull the bawling child away from her mother'sbody.
Kankuro: Her..butler..what?
Gaara: Are we supposed to assume she's rich?
Temari: She's just throwing all of these plot devices in here..
---------end flashback---------
Kankuro: Are we done now?
Temari: *Sighs* No
Kankuro: *Grumbles*
yeah." she said looking around. still no sign. "do you know his name?" she nodded slightly and scaned the next bar, "his name is hatake kakashi."
All:...
Temari: I don't claim to know Kakashi-Sensei that well, but what kind of ninja goes into the enemy's stronghold and flirts with the enemy?
Kankuro: What do you mean?
Temari: Obviously, he was sent on a mission is Suna, right? He then had some sort of fling with this..suna nurse. For all he knew, she could've I dunno, betrayed him and killed him.
Gaara: So?
Temari: I'm trying to say that this author doesn't know the basic traits of a ninja.
Kankuro: Why didn't you just say that then?
Temari: This whole fic is a contradiction to itself.
she spotted baki drunk as hell and talking to a girl. " i found him."
she hopped up on the nearest table and started walking on the tables over to baki. gaara sighed and fallowed her on the ground. she loomed over the drunk jounin.
Gaara: How else am I supposed to follow her, in the air?
"what is wrong with you?" she asked lowly. he looked at her with the pink tints on his cheeks. "hey, you're purty cute."
All: NO YOU'RE NOT!
he slurred at her. she sighed and hit the back of his neck nocking him out. "must you walk on the tables?" gaara asked as he grabbed his other arm. amber just smiled and with gaaras help carried baki to the motel they got.
Gaara: If the person in charge really cared about that place, he would've kicked her out of there by now.
Temari: Good for the bartender then.
with narutosasuke, and sakura
Kankuro: WHOA WAIT WHAT?
Temari: Aren't they supposed to have their own apartments, seeing as how they live there?
Kankuro: This is during the chunin exams, right?
Both *Confused*
Gaara: This is a scene change. I think..
!back at the motel room
amber looked out the window, dark already.
Gaara: Dark from what?
Kankuro: The sun!
Gaara: Looks like the world ended early then.
Temari: Well, that makes alot more sense than what ever the heck this author is trying to pull.
temari was tending to baki, kankuro was watching TV, and amber couldn't find gaara. she looked at the half moon and gimised.
Temari:*Adds 'gimised' to the list of made up words*
after a while, temari got tired and forced kankuro to go to bed and didn't even bother to bug amber.
Kankuro: I'm not even going to grace that with a response.
amber stared out the window until the clock struck midnight. she wasn't sleepy so she decided to check the roof. sure enough, gaara was there.
Gaara: If I'm by myself, that's a sign that I want to be alone.
she walked up and sat next to gaara. "shouldn't you be sleeping?" gaara asked not bothering to look at her. he knew it was her already, "i couldn't sleep." she looked at the moon again. "i don't see why you would hang around a monster like me" garra said coldly.
Gaara: I'm not even going to grace that with a response.
she looked at him eyes widened slightly. "everyone runs from me because i'm a monster." amber looked at him more softly now. "gaara, you're not a monster. true there's a monster inside you, but thats your fathers fault not yours."
Temari: I don't think I know how much more of this I can take.
she moved closer to him and put her arms around the side of his neck hugging him slightly.
Temari: 'Hugging slightly'?
Kankuro: You're either hugging him or not at all! What's so hard about that?
Gaara: If she were doing the latter, that would be because she would have been dead by now.
"you're not a monster to me, you're my best friend gaara. even if you reject me, i'll always be there for you. even if you don't want me to be." gaaras eyes widened but regained their normal shape again.
Gaara: There are no words.
Temari: There sure aren't.
thank you amber, but i can't be changed so quickly. i...want to be brought into the light. with you leading me...
Gaara: No I don't!
Temari: So this is one of those darkness and light cliches?
END CHAPTER ONE
Kankuro: Thank God!
Gaara: Wait..there's more of this?
Temari: *Reads script* Yep! and it looks like..team 7's in it too.
Gaara: *Growls*
Kankuro: *Sits back down angirly*
Man, it was a monster sporking this, and the rich text editor is also a pain in the ass. (I'm such a beginner st this, and there are probably alot of gramamatical errors on my part) Next chapter: Team 7 joins in! *Hides*