(no subject)
Dear world - fuck you. No, really - I'm fucking tired of it all.
Why do I even bother? Cos seriously, I just don't know any more. I really don't. I don't know how much more of it I can take. I mean hell, I've already gone past breaking point so... *shrugs*
I'm especially pissed at the fucktard at work who deleted my reconciliation spreadsheet. ALL my reconciliations on every ledger for the whole fucking tax year so far gone. Just... gone.
Was SERIOUSLY not impressed. They were there before I got signed off, and now they're not.
So, rather than spending a couple days doing June's reconciling, I have to spend a couple weeks doing March through June.
So. Fucking. Not. Impressed.
Although, in a very strange, self-deprecating way, its actually kinda nice to be feeling pissed off right now. Makes a nice change from simply feeling suicidal or self-loathing or just generally zoning out like I have been for the last while.
Would have been nice to feel a positive emotion but something's better than nothing, right?
I did have a little teary moment in work this morning.
OK, so people telling me I look pale and tired was annoying, but so many people came and popped their head round the door, said it was good to see me, asked if I was feeling better etc... I was just completely overwhelmed and burst into floods of tears
*facepalm*
I'm trying to look forward to the Jason Manns gig on Sunday. But right now, all I feel is dread. I'm sure once I get there, see the girls, it'll all be fine. But right now, the idea of driving to London and everything... makes me feel sick to the stomach.
I'm trying to look forward to spazzer_mctwich coming over to see me and our road-trip but... I wouldn't want to spend a week in a car with me right now so quite why she does.
Again, I know that once I've picked her up from the ferry port and we get going then everything will be fantastic and we'll have like the most kick-ass time
Also? I keep saying this to them but I really do have THE most amazing friends. The strangest girls who are actually putting up with me at the moment, not letting me feel like shit, letting me talk and cry, giving me hugs and hugs and more hugs and not letting me feel the way I feel.
So, yeah the biggest hugs and love to everyone.
And especially to havenward, monica_catch22, shannonrita and curliegirl - I don't know what I've done to deserve having you girls in my life right now but you have no idea how much I appreciate and love you and... ♥
I think it's safe to say that without my girls, I don't think I'd have made it through the last month - thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I swear, I SWEAR I'll be back to my normal self as soon as I can. I mean, I'm fucking fed up of all of this and I miss... me.
So...
And, since I've not posted in a couple days
Why do I even bother? Cos seriously, I just don't know any more. I really don't. I don't know how much more of it I can take. I mean hell, I've already gone past breaking point so... *shrugs*
I'm especially pissed at the fucktard at work who deleted my reconciliation spreadsheet. ALL my reconciliations on every ledger for the whole fucking tax year so far gone. Just... gone.
Was SERIOUSLY not impressed. They were there before I got signed off, and now they're not.
So, rather than spending a couple days doing June's reconciling, I have to spend a couple weeks doing March through June.
So. Fucking. Not. Impressed.
Although, in a very strange, self-deprecating way, its actually kinda nice to be feeling pissed off right now. Makes a nice change from simply feeling suicidal or self-loathing or just generally zoning out like I have been for the last while.
Would have been nice to feel a positive emotion but something's better than nothing, right?
I did have a little teary moment in work this morning.
OK, so people telling me I look pale and tired was annoying, but so many people came and popped their head round the door, said it was good to see me, asked if I was feeling better etc... I was just completely overwhelmed and burst into floods of tears
*facepalm*
I'm trying to look forward to the Jason Manns gig on Sunday. But right now, all I feel is dread. I'm sure once I get there, see the girls, it'll all be fine. But right now, the idea of driving to London and everything... makes me feel sick to the stomach.
I'm trying to look forward to spazzer_mctwich coming over to see me and our road-trip but... I wouldn't want to spend a week in a car with me right now so quite why she does.
Again, I know that once I've picked her up from the ferry port and we get going then everything will be fantastic and we'll have like the most kick-ass time
Also? I keep saying this to them but I really do have THE most amazing friends. The strangest girls who are actually putting up with me at the moment, not letting me feel like shit, letting me talk and cry, giving me hugs and hugs and more hugs and not letting me feel the way I feel.
So, yeah the biggest hugs and love to everyone.
And especially to havenward, monica_catch22, shannonrita and curliegirl - I don't know what I've done to deserve having you girls in my life right now but you have no idea how much I appreciate and love you and... ♥
I think it's safe to say that without my girls, I don't think I'd have made it through the last month - thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I swear, I SWEAR I'll be back to my normal self as soon as I can. I mean, I'm fucking fed up of all of this and I miss... me.
So...
And, since I've not posted in a couple days