FIC: Even If It Hurts Me
Title: Even If It Hurts Me
Author: Cassie Morgan (badfalcon)
Fandom: ITBN
Categories: Christian Kane/Steve Carlson, Fantasy, AU, Angst
Rating: PG-13
Thanks to: You, for reading. havenward, ever, for the beta.
Notes: Part of the Winged!Christian verse
Disclaimer: Christian Kane, Steve Carlson, Jensen Ackles & Riley Smith are real people, and the events in this story are just that - fictional, figments of my sick and twisted imagination. Hell, call it a fantasy if it makes you feel better. Whatever. No rumours should be started in regards to any events in these works of fiction. This story is written purely for entertainment purposes and no money is being made out of it
Summary: Honesty isn't always the best policy as Christian discovers when two of his closest friends have extreme - and opposite - reactions when they find out he's Winged
“You look like someone kicked your puppy,” Christian observed as he sat down, placing a bottle of beer in front of Jensen.
“No, Jared’s fine,” Jensen mumbled distractedly, not taking his eyes of the script in his hands. He blushed when Christian, Steve and Riley all burst out laughing.
“So you admit it then?” Steve grinned. “Not only that Jared is actually nothing but an overgrown puppy but that he is in fact also yours…”
Putting his script on the table, Jensen pulled his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Guys…”
“Don’t worry Jensen. Your big not-even-in-the-slightest-bit-secret is still safe with us.”
Jensen looked up and flashed his friends a grateful smile before picking up his beer and slumping back in the chair. “Thanks.”
“So what’s wrong?” Christian asked. “You were all excited about this new movie role but now…”
“It’s…” Jensen sighed. “You know that book - Fallen Angels by Alina Lawrenson?”
Steve nodded, and then glanced at Christian from the corner of his eye. “The one about the Winged Ones?”
“Yeah. I’ve been offered the role of Jack. The leader of the mob who drives the family out of town,” he elaborated at the three blank looks he received. “And I really don’t know if I can do it.” He ran his hands over his face and looked at Riley, before shrugging his shoulders. “It goes against everything I believe in. I know it’s not real, that it’s just another job but…”
“If you can’t do it, then you can’t do it, Jen. No-one’s gonna hold it against you if you turn it down,” Riley said slowly. “You’d be too uncomfortable with the role and it would come across onscreen. Wouldn’t be fair on anyone.”
Jensen’s head jerked up and he outright stared at Riley, much to the amusement of Christian and Steve. “You…”
“Don’t look at me like that!” Riley grumbled. “I am an actor,” he reminded Jensen.
“Yeah, I know.” Jensen dipped his head in acknowledgement. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do,” he said, picking the script back up.
Christian growled and snatched the script from Jensen’s hand, tossing it over his shoulder. “Forget about it for tonight.”
“Give the role to Riley,” Steve jokingly suggested.
“Would be perfect,” Jensen agreed, Riley’s laughter making him grin. “An anti-Winged protestor… he wouldn’t even need to act,” he said without thinking, swearing when Riley hit him, proclaiming he couldn’t help the way he feel, which started the two men off into their regular fight.
“And here we go again,” Steve muttered, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. He sat back on the couch, squeezing Christian’s thigh reassuringly when he felt him tense. He turned to face him slightly, cupping his cheek in one hand and brushing his thumb over his lips. “You ok, Chris?”
“So fucking tired of this,” he muttered. “Just want them to shut up.” He exhaled heavily before repeating ‘shut up’ half under his, then breath louder and louder until he was all but yelling it; Jensen and Riley both shutting up and staring at him in shock.
“Chris?” Jensen asked.
“Just… shut up.” Christian pushed himself to his feet, pacing the length of the room as he spoke. “The Winged Ones, they’re not… you don’t need to worship them or revere them, or fear them or hate them. They’re just winged; not angels or demons, or gods or monsters. Just men. With wings.” He turned, scowling, hands curled into fists at his side even as he refused to acknowledge the eyes he could feel boring into him.
“When you did get so opinionated on the whole subject?” Riley asked, one eyebrow quirked.
“Hate to say it but… Riley’s right,” Jensen agreed. “We’ve been having the same argument for as long as I can remember. Now Steve… he admits he stays out of it because he knows nothing about them. But you… you’re Oklahoma, Kane. You grew up with the same legends we did, know all the same stories yet you’ve said nothing, not a word, not for years. And now all of a sudden you’re suddenly chiming in with the ‘they’re just men’ side of things?”
Steve swore under his breath at the tight lines of Christian’s shoulders. This was not going to end well, he was sure of it. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he kept a close watch. “Maybe he’s just fed up of you two having the same fight over and over?” he offered, sighing when they ignored him.
“Well I would, wouldn’t I?” Christian snapped. Jensen started to ask him what the hell he meant but stopped mid-sentence when Christian pulled his shirt off. Arching his back, Christian rolled his neck with a sigh before unfurling his wings and stretching them to their full span. He exhaled slowly before letting them settle and hang comfortably behind him. The tension in the room thickened, attempting to smother them. Christian straightened up, eyes fixed to the opposite corner where wall met ceiling.
“You…” Jensen swallowed. His jaw and eyes were wide as he took in Christian’s wings. “You’re… you… You have… you’re Winged,” he breathed, his whole face lighting up. “Chris…”
“Yeah…”
Anything else Christian was about to say was cut off by Riley’s chair toppling backwards with a thud. His wide, panicked eyes were fixed on Christian and his face was pale as he scrambled backwards away from him on his hands. Nostrils flaring, panic clear on his face, Riley pulled himself to his feet and ran out of the door, slamming it behind him. His truck screeched out of the drive moments later.
Christian flinched, his feathers rustling as he shifted in discomfort. He opened his mouth but no sounds came out. He closed it again, shoulders slumping in resignation and head bowing.
Wincing Steve quickly rose to his feet and crossed the floor. He pulled Christian into his arms but Christian pushed him away and wrapped his arms around himself. “Christian…”
Jensen stepped forward, his hands curling around Christian’s upper arms even as his eyes swept over the length of his wings. “You’re Winged,” he repeated, his eyes sliding back to Christian’s face. “All this time… when me and Riley been arguing, you never… I’m sorry… you shoulda said something man.”
“I shoulda said something?” Christian snorted and set his jaw, shaking Jensen’s grip from his arm. “And what good would sayin’ something have done, huh Jensen? You seen Riley, the way he shot outta here and now you’re lookin’ like you wanna supplicate yourself at my fucking feet and you wanna know why I didn’t say something about being Winged?” He shoved Jensen backwards and spread his wings, eyes narrowing at the look of pure reverence on Jensen’s face. “I got wings, that’s all. Like I said, it don’t make me some kinda god or an angel or shit like that. It just means I got wings. I’m still me, nothing’s changed. I’m still Christian, your buddy, remember? I’m not some… fuck, Jensen, I ain’t some being you need to worship or love or whatever it is you think it is you should be doin’ right about now.” He held his hand up when Jensen started to speak. “Don’t. Don’t lie to me. I can see it in your face, it’s written clear as day,” he sighed. “You should leave. I mean it,” he insisted when both Jensen and Steve started to interrupt him. “Just go, Jensen. And… don’t bother coming back until you can…” He shook his head and turned his back on Jensen. “Just go, please,” He asked, his voice cracking.
His eyes darted from Christian to Steve and back again but Jensen nodded and grabbed his coat from the chair. “Ok,” he agreed softly, pulling his keys from his pocket. He opened the door and stepped through, then stopped and turned, watching as Steve pulled Christian into a tight hug. “Christian?” He waited til Christian looked up, his heart sinking at the look of sheer misery on Christian’s face. “I’m sorry. I’ll… see you, yeah.” Christian nodded and Jensen turned again, closing the door behind him.
Christian sagged, deflated and covered his face with his hands. He shuddered from head to toe, wings rustling as a low, pained cry escaped him. Tugging at his hair, he choked out a laugh and lifted his head to look at Steve. "That went well."
Steve said nothing, simply pulled Christian closer against him and wrapped his arms around him. Pressing a kiss to Christian's temple, Steve held him tightly as Christian buried his face in his neck, trembling. "I'm sorry," he murmured, hands stroking down his back, smoothing his feathers until Christian started to calm. "They'll come round, I promise."
Author: Cassie Morgan (badfalcon)
Fandom: ITBN
Categories: Christian Kane/Steve Carlson, Fantasy, AU, Angst
Rating: PG-13
Thanks to: You, for reading. havenward, ever, for the beta.
Notes: Part of the Winged!Christian verse
Disclaimer: Christian Kane, Steve Carlson, Jensen Ackles & Riley Smith are real people, and the events in this story are just that - fictional, figments of my sick and twisted imagination. Hell, call it a fantasy if it makes you feel better. Whatever. No rumours should be started in regards to any events in these works of fiction. This story is written purely for entertainment purposes and no money is being made out of it
Summary: Honesty isn't always the best policy as Christian discovers when two of his closest friends have extreme - and opposite - reactions when they find out he's Winged
“You look like someone kicked your puppy,” Christian observed as he sat down, placing a bottle of beer in front of Jensen.
“No, Jared’s fine,” Jensen mumbled distractedly, not taking his eyes of the script in his hands. He blushed when Christian, Steve and Riley all burst out laughing.
“So you admit it then?” Steve grinned. “Not only that Jared is actually nothing but an overgrown puppy but that he is in fact also yours…”
Putting his script on the table, Jensen pulled his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Guys…”
“Don’t worry Jensen. Your big not-even-in-the-slightest-bit-secret is still safe with us.”
Jensen looked up and flashed his friends a grateful smile before picking up his beer and slumping back in the chair. “Thanks.”
“So what’s wrong?” Christian asked. “You were all excited about this new movie role but now…”
“It’s…” Jensen sighed. “You know that book - Fallen Angels by Alina Lawrenson?”
Steve nodded, and then glanced at Christian from the corner of his eye. “The one about the Winged Ones?”
“Yeah. I’ve been offered the role of Jack. The leader of the mob who drives the family out of town,” he elaborated at the three blank looks he received. “And I really don’t know if I can do it.” He ran his hands over his face and looked at Riley, before shrugging his shoulders. “It goes against everything I believe in. I know it’s not real, that it’s just another job but…”
“If you can’t do it, then you can’t do it, Jen. No-one’s gonna hold it against you if you turn it down,” Riley said slowly. “You’d be too uncomfortable with the role and it would come across onscreen. Wouldn’t be fair on anyone.”
Jensen’s head jerked up and he outright stared at Riley, much to the amusement of Christian and Steve. “You…”
“Don’t look at me like that!” Riley grumbled. “I am an actor,” he reminded Jensen.
“Yeah, I know.” Jensen dipped his head in acknowledgement. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do,” he said, picking the script back up.
Christian growled and snatched the script from Jensen’s hand, tossing it over his shoulder. “Forget about it for tonight.”
“Give the role to Riley,” Steve jokingly suggested.
“Would be perfect,” Jensen agreed, Riley’s laughter making him grin. “An anti-Winged protestor… he wouldn’t even need to act,” he said without thinking, swearing when Riley hit him, proclaiming he couldn’t help the way he feel, which started the two men off into their regular fight.
“And here we go again,” Steve muttered, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. He sat back on the couch, squeezing Christian’s thigh reassuringly when he felt him tense. He turned to face him slightly, cupping his cheek in one hand and brushing his thumb over his lips. “You ok, Chris?”
“So fucking tired of this,” he muttered. “Just want them to shut up.” He exhaled heavily before repeating ‘shut up’ half under his, then breath louder and louder until he was all but yelling it; Jensen and Riley both shutting up and staring at him in shock.
“Chris?” Jensen asked.
“Just… shut up.” Christian pushed himself to his feet, pacing the length of the room as he spoke. “The Winged Ones, they’re not… you don’t need to worship them or revere them, or fear them or hate them. They’re just winged; not angels or demons, or gods or monsters. Just men. With wings.” He turned, scowling, hands curled into fists at his side even as he refused to acknowledge the eyes he could feel boring into him.
“When you did get so opinionated on the whole subject?” Riley asked, one eyebrow quirked.
“Hate to say it but… Riley’s right,” Jensen agreed. “We’ve been having the same argument for as long as I can remember. Now Steve… he admits he stays out of it because he knows nothing about them. But you… you’re Oklahoma, Kane. You grew up with the same legends we did, know all the same stories yet you’ve said nothing, not a word, not for years. And now all of a sudden you’re suddenly chiming in with the ‘they’re just men’ side of things?”
Steve swore under his breath at the tight lines of Christian’s shoulders. This was not going to end well, he was sure of it. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he kept a close watch. “Maybe he’s just fed up of you two having the same fight over and over?” he offered, sighing when they ignored him.
“Well I would, wouldn’t I?” Christian snapped. Jensen started to ask him what the hell he meant but stopped mid-sentence when Christian pulled his shirt off. Arching his back, Christian rolled his neck with a sigh before unfurling his wings and stretching them to their full span. He exhaled slowly before letting them settle and hang comfortably behind him. The tension in the room thickened, attempting to smother them. Christian straightened up, eyes fixed to the opposite corner where wall met ceiling.
“You…” Jensen swallowed. His jaw and eyes were wide as he took in Christian’s wings. “You’re… you… You have… you’re Winged,” he breathed, his whole face lighting up. “Chris…”
“Yeah…”
Anything else Christian was about to say was cut off by Riley’s chair toppling backwards with a thud. His wide, panicked eyes were fixed on Christian and his face was pale as he scrambled backwards away from him on his hands. Nostrils flaring, panic clear on his face, Riley pulled himself to his feet and ran out of the door, slamming it behind him. His truck screeched out of the drive moments later.
Christian flinched, his feathers rustling as he shifted in discomfort. He opened his mouth but no sounds came out. He closed it again, shoulders slumping in resignation and head bowing.
Wincing Steve quickly rose to his feet and crossed the floor. He pulled Christian into his arms but Christian pushed him away and wrapped his arms around himself. “Christian…”
Jensen stepped forward, his hands curling around Christian’s upper arms even as his eyes swept over the length of his wings. “You’re Winged,” he repeated, his eyes sliding back to Christian’s face. “All this time… when me and Riley been arguing, you never… I’m sorry… you shoulda said something man.”
“I shoulda said something?” Christian snorted and set his jaw, shaking Jensen’s grip from his arm. “And what good would sayin’ something have done, huh Jensen? You seen Riley, the way he shot outta here and now you’re lookin’ like you wanna supplicate yourself at my fucking feet and you wanna know why I didn’t say something about being Winged?” He shoved Jensen backwards and spread his wings, eyes narrowing at the look of pure reverence on Jensen’s face. “I got wings, that’s all. Like I said, it don’t make me some kinda god or an angel or shit like that. It just means I got wings. I’m still me, nothing’s changed. I’m still Christian, your buddy, remember? I’m not some… fuck, Jensen, I ain’t some being you need to worship or love or whatever it is you think it is you should be doin’ right about now.” He held his hand up when Jensen started to speak. “Don’t. Don’t lie to me. I can see it in your face, it’s written clear as day,” he sighed. “You should leave. I mean it,” he insisted when both Jensen and Steve started to interrupt him. “Just go, Jensen. And… don’t bother coming back until you can…” He shook his head and turned his back on Jensen. “Just go, please,” He asked, his voice cracking.
His eyes darted from Christian to Steve and back again but Jensen nodded and grabbed his coat from the chair. “Ok,” he agreed softly, pulling his keys from his pocket. He opened the door and stepped through, then stopped and turned, watching as Steve pulled Christian into a tight hug. “Christian?” He waited til Christian looked up, his heart sinking at the look of sheer misery on Christian’s face. “I’m sorry. I’ll… see you, yeah.” Christian nodded and Jensen turned again, closing the door behind him.
Christian sagged, deflated and covered his face with his hands. He shuddered from head to toe, wings rustling as a low, pained cry escaped him. Tugging at his hair, he choked out a laugh and lifted his head to look at Steve. "That went well."
Steve said nothing, simply pulled Christian closer against him and wrapped his arms around him. Pressing a kiss to Christian's temple, Steve held him tightly as Christian buried his face in his neck, trembling. "I'm sorry," he murmured, hands stroking down his back, smoothing his feathers until Christian started to calm. "They'll come round, I promise."