FIC: Bitter Reflection, Part 01

Aug 25, 2004 20:53

Title: Bitter Reflection
Author: Adelaide Elizabeth Morgan (falconkenobi@aol.com)
Author Web Page: http://www.aemslash.co.uk Obsess, Much?
Fandom: RPS - Good Charlotte
Categories: Benji Madden/Joel Madden. Angst, H/c, drama
Rating: NC17
Archive: Yes to list archives. All others please let me know where so I can come and preen, okay?
Thanks to: You, for reading this. Paul, for being patient and understanding when I disappear into the computer room for days on end to write.
Disclaimer: Benji & Joel Madden are real people, and the events in this story are just that - fictional, figments of my sick and twisted imagination. Hell, call it a fantasy if it makes you feel better. Whatever. No rumours should be started in regards to any events in these works of fiction. This story is written purely for entertainment purposes and no money is being made out of it.
Notes: This was originally written back in March but I scrapped it because I didn’t know where I was going with it. I’ve now worked it out and am re-writing sections of it.
Summary: Joel doesn’t like what he sees in his reflection and struggles to cope when the cracks leave the mirror

Was typing up chapter 3 of this fic, and I realised I couldn't remember if I'd posted the new and improved version of this. So I'm posting it now.



Not bothering to wipe the sleep from his eyes, Joel stumbled into the bathroom and leaned over the sink, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He stared at himself for long minutes before sighing and shaking his head; he didn’t look sick, but he was. Completely and utterly sick in the head. He’d had another one of those dreams, one of those dreams with Benji, where they were doing things that twins should most definitely not being doing. At least not with each other.

His breath caught in his throat, finding it suddenly hard to breath, the air feeling heavy, as though he was breathing a thick liquid rather than air. He lifted his hand to the mirror, rubbing away the steam his breath had left, a low moan escaping him when his mind projected Benji’s reflection, grinning back at him in the mirror. Panic shot through him and he picked up his deodorant, using the can to smash the mirror again and again, shards of glass cutting his arms as it broke. His legs turned to jelly, refusing to support him and he clutched the edge of the sink but was unable to hold himself up, falling heavily to the cold tiled floor.

Unbidden, his mind drifted back to the dream he’d just woken up from, a dream where he and Benji had done… unmentionable things in front of a full-length mirror. In his dream, Joel had just gotten out the shower and was standing in front the mirror styling his hair, a towel wrapped loosely around his hips. Benji had walked up behind him, arms around his waist, head resting on his shoulder, tongue flickering out to taste a droplet of water clinging to his neck.

“I like the way you think, baby” Benji had commented, his hands dropping Joel’s towel to the floor, fingers curling around Joel’s erection. “I’ve never watched us fuck in a mirror before!” As he spoke, his cock had slid into Joel’s body. And that was when Joel had woken up.

Feeling the bile rising in his stomach, Joel ran a shaky hand through his hair, pushing himself to his knees and crawling across the tiles, only just making it to the toilet when he was sick. Moaning, Joel curled up on the floor, trembling, silent tears streaming down his face. “No,” he whimpered. “Wrong. Fucking twins not… no… not fucking, definitely not fucking… Bad Joel. Bad Joel. Wrong. Wrong. Bad Joel.”

“Joel?” Benji called, stepping into the bathroom, eyes going wide at the sight of his twin curled up on the floor, crying and muttering about bad and wrong. He wrinkled his nose against the smell of vomit and, ignoring it, crouched down next to Joel, shaking his shoulder gently. “Joel?”

Joel whimpered and blinked, blood-shot eyes meeting Benji’s concerned gaze. “No,” he moaned, trying to pull away from Benji, curling into a tighter ball, rocking backward and forward.

“Joel, stop it.” But Joel ignored him, continuing to rock. “Joel, please, stop it, you’re scaring me.” Still no response from Joel, so Benji sat down on the floor and pulled Joel into his lap, holding him close and trying to calm him down. He wasn’t expecting a violent reaction from Joel, so wasn’t prepared for him to start screaming and thrashing about, one flailing fist hitting him square in the nose.

Crying out, hands going to his face, Benji released his grip on Joel, not stopping Joel when he pulled away, scurrying across the floor on his hands and knees, curling up in the corner, watching Benji warily.

“Joel, what’s wrong?”

Ignoring Benji, he picked up a fragment of glass from the floor and started twisting it in his hands; accidentally cutting the palm of one of his hands, blood welling to the surface. He hissed at the stab of pain, and then frowned, staring fixatedly at the crimson droplet, nibbling thoughtfully on his lower lip. “Got to get it out,” he muttered, moving the point of the glass to his inner arm. “Bad Joel,” he repeated, clenching his teeth against the pain as he dug the glass in, dragging it along the skin, watching as the blood welled to the surface, a thin red line along his arm.

Frozen to the spot in fear, Benji could only watch as Joel made a second, then a third cut along his arm, the blood running down his arm to drip on the floor, the red harsh against the white tiles. A moan of pain escaped Joel and shook Benji from his paralysis.

“Joel, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He wiped the blood away from his nose and walked across the room to crouch in front of Joel, frowning when Joel flinched away from him. “Joel, stop it.” Joel looked up at him and shook his head, changing hands to cut his other arm. “Joel, no! You’re hurting yourself,” Benji shot a hand out, trying to grab Joel’s wrist to stop himself from cutting again, but Joel turned on Benji, slashing at him with the glass.

Benji swore as he fell to his back on the floor, Joel screaming like a banshee, attacking him with the piece of bloody glass, too manically to actually cut him, but wildly enough to scare the shit out of him. Throwing his arms up to protect his face, Benji hissed as the glass sliced into his arm.

“That is enough, Joel!” He growled, sliding sideways, grunting under Joel’s weight. “Stop it!” He demanded, heart breaking at the pain etched on Joel’s face, the tears still streaming down his cheeks. “C’mon Joel.” A note of desperation tinged Benji’s tone when he realized Joel wasn’t paying him the slightest bit of attention. The glass gashed his cheek and his hand flew to it automatically, gasping at the blood. “Joel, fuck…” Shaking his head, Benji managed to grab hold of Joel’s wrist and tried to uncurl his fingers from around the glass.

Not letting go of the glass, Joel started hitting Benji with his free fist, knees pummeling his chest and stomach. He was still screaming, the sound growing hoarse and broken with sobs. He leaned forward, sinking his teeth into Benji’s forearm.

Benji gasped and let go of Joel’s wrist, wincing when Joel started swiping at him again with the glass. “You bit me!” Ignoring the pain from the cuts and the bite, Benji managed to grab hold of both of Joel’s wrists and, bringing his leg up, kneed Joel in the stomach, winding him long enough to flip them over so he was on top, pinning Joel to the ground. He smashed Joel’s hand to the floor making him let go of the glass, and then shoved the glass along the floor, out of Joel’s reach. Satisfied that Joel was weaponless, Benji sat up slightly, still trapping Joel on the floor and tried to get his attention.

His screams had faded to a pained keening noise and Joel struggled to a sitting position, his hands curling into fists, alternately pummeling at Benji and trying to push him away.

Benji sighed and shook his head, grunting at the force of Joel’s attack. He grabbed hold of both of Joel’s wrists and pushed him back down on the floor, his full weight holding Joel down.

“I’m really sorry about this Joel, but…” He drew his arm back and, clenching his hand into a fist, punched Joel hard, wincing as his twin’s head cracked down against the tiles and he lay still.

benji madden/joel madden, fanfiction, good charlotte

Previous post Next post
Up