That was the week that was
It's been a while since I've updated, at least properly. It's been a weird old week, a total rollercoaster of health, both physically and emotionally.
Physical health wise, I was starting to feel better by about Thursday, thanks to the antibiotics and steroids. I was sleeping a lot, but my fever came down and breathing was getting easier.
Until my mum decided to give me her cold and now I'm all snuffly and wheezy again. But it's a different kind of wheezy, so I'm comfortable in that it's just a cold
HOWEVER a week on the steroids has a horrible side effect. Especially when combined with the side effects of lots of ventolin. I have the shakes. Something chronic. It's not nice. AND, because of steroids, I've put weight on this week. Quite a bit of it.
Which leads us nicely into the emotional health aspect. And a complete and utter smashing of the tiny bit of self-esteem that I'd managed to gather around myself. Most of it is concon related with an additional hatred of self due to weight gain.
Basically, for the most part, I'm stupidly stupidly excited about this convention and mostly about meeting up with fangirls. But, somehow, I got it into my head that no-one was looking forward to seeing me. I'd even convinced myself that Dragon only wanted to see me to drive her to the airport and the Steve gigs. That Haven only gave a damn because I'd bought David's ticket. I'm still freaking out and teary and then again, why would anyone want to spend a weekend with me?
I've been.. mostly swayed from this now, I think. A lot of it due to a ten minute long call from Dragon (and Dragon!Mummy) where I basically just... cried down the phone.
So, even if my fear/worst case scenario is true, I'm looking forward to spending a good 10 day break with my Dragon :)
While on the subject of concon, and straying from the mental health issues for a time. I'm now completely and utterly prepared.
I have my US$, my paperwork is all sorted and printed, I've completed my API and my Visa Waiver - and been approved entry! My bag is packed (one hand luggage, 8kg - has one pair shoes, one pair jeans, my cocktail dress, my shrug, my banquet outfit, my bustier, 5 t-shirts, 6 pairs of pants, 4 pairs of socks, teenytinychris and his power cables, my plug converter, my phone charger, a book, my meds, a spare inhaler, tissues, plasters and sweets. All that needs to go in on weds is my toothbrush and goldie)
Ok, back onto the topic...
Weight wise... I've been steadily gaining weight since I moved back to Telford. I know a lot of it is because my job is completely sedentary and I'm getting no exercise again. Plus, with this job, pretty much everyone raids the vending machine on last break for a pick me up - a can of pepsi and a chocolate bar.
I've always been a good size 14-16 but... I had to go jeans shopping yesterday, because I had none that fit me, and I'm now an 18-20. Which the store didn't carry. So I bought mens jeans.
To start with, I was horrified by the fact I was reduced to buying mens jeans. But, by the time I'd got them on, I was in LOVE. They're so fucking comfortable. They're big and baggy where I like them but fit where I like them and they're soft and comfortable and won't need breaking in at all and they're only £10!
Mum pointed out to me that hell, I wear men's t-shirts, shirts, sweaters and shoes... jeans are no different. And I like them for the same reasons - big, baggy and comfortable!
This weekend has two conclusions:
1) Life would be so much easier without emotions
2) I'm a transvestite
Physical health wise, I was starting to feel better by about Thursday, thanks to the antibiotics and steroids. I was sleeping a lot, but my fever came down and breathing was getting easier.
Until my mum decided to give me her cold and now I'm all snuffly and wheezy again. But it's a different kind of wheezy, so I'm comfortable in that it's just a cold
HOWEVER a week on the steroids has a horrible side effect. Especially when combined with the side effects of lots of ventolin. I have the shakes. Something chronic. It's not nice. AND, because of steroids, I've put weight on this week. Quite a bit of it.
Which leads us nicely into the emotional health aspect. And a complete and utter smashing of the tiny bit of self-esteem that I'd managed to gather around myself. Most of it is concon related with an additional hatred of self due to weight gain.
Basically, for the most part, I'm stupidly stupidly excited about this convention and mostly about meeting up with fangirls. But, somehow, I got it into my head that no-one was looking forward to seeing me. I'd even convinced myself that Dragon only wanted to see me to drive her to the airport and the Steve gigs. That Haven only gave a damn because I'd bought David's ticket. I'm still freaking out and teary and then again, why would anyone want to spend a weekend with me?
I've been.. mostly swayed from this now, I think. A lot of it due to a ten minute long call from Dragon (and Dragon!Mummy) where I basically just... cried down the phone.
So, even if my fear/worst case scenario is true, I'm looking forward to spending a good 10 day break with my Dragon :)
While on the subject of concon, and straying from the mental health issues for a time. I'm now completely and utterly prepared.
I have my US$, my paperwork is all sorted and printed, I've completed my API and my Visa Waiver - and been approved entry! My bag is packed (one hand luggage, 8kg - has one pair shoes, one pair jeans, my cocktail dress, my shrug, my banquet outfit, my bustier, 5 t-shirts, 6 pairs of pants, 4 pairs of socks, teenytinychris and his power cables, my plug converter, my phone charger, a book, my meds, a spare inhaler, tissues, plasters and sweets. All that needs to go in on weds is my toothbrush and goldie)
Ok, back onto the topic...
Weight wise... I've been steadily gaining weight since I moved back to Telford. I know a lot of it is because my job is completely sedentary and I'm getting no exercise again. Plus, with this job, pretty much everyone raids the vending machine on last break for a pick me up - a can of pepsi and a chocolate bar.
I've always been a good size 14-16 but... I had to go jeans shopping yesterday, because I had none that fit me, and I'm now an 18-20. Which the store didn't carry. So I bought mens jeans.
To start with, I was horrified by the fact I was reduced to buying mens jeans. But, by the time I'd got them on, I was in LOVE. They're so fucking comfortable. They're big and baggy where I like them but fit where I like them and they're soft and comfortable and won't need breaking in at all and they're only £10!
Mum pointed out to me that hell, I wear men's t-shirts, shirts, sweaters and shoes... jeans are no different. And I like them for the same reasons - big, baggy and comfortable!
This weekend has two conclusions:
1) Life would be so much easier without emotions
2) I'm a transvestite