Disclaimer: not mine. Rating: 18+ (sex, language)
Fandom: SG-1
Cliche: "We're about to die, so OMG, let's have hot!sex--oops, we didn't die!"
Season: 6. For gratuitous Jonas purposes.
Pairing: Sam/Jack.
Notes: I would like to note that I have written WAY too much Sam/Jack porn in my time, and I'm obviously tired of it. I apologize if this feels slightly lackluster. (also, yes, I know it is slightly late. Sorry.)
Length: 1,300 (what? They snark...)
Rocks in Uncomfortable Places
by ALC Punk!
It was turning out to be a bad year for Sam Carter. Alien invasions, the loss of her best friend, and now this.
"Carter--"
"Tried it, sir," she informed her commanding officer without bothering to find out what he was asking.
Colonel Jack O'Neill kicked at something, and a moment later there was a splash. "And you're sure--?"
"I'm sure, sir."
"Well, damn."
"Yes, sir." This was the fourth time they'd had this conversation. And nothing was going to change. They were still stuck in a cave that was slowly flooding (Sam estimated six hours and there would be no air left), there was still no way out. And they were going to die. Also, she hadn't had sex in a really long time. But she didn't think that was the sort of thing she was supposed to tell her commanding officer. Even if he was hot, and she wouldn't mind having sex with him.
Again. It hadn't been a very good year for Major Samantha Carter.
"There must be something we can do, Carter."
"We could have sex, sir."
Shit.
The words had come out without her meaning to say them, even if she (might have) meant them.
He coughed. "So..."
"We're about to die, sir."
"In six hours, Carter."
"Yes," she slumped a little more against her patch of rock. "In six hours. Or so."
"Not long enough."
"Not really, no." Sam sighed. "I think I left a half-finished pot of spaghetti on my stove. Do you think by the time they start dealing with my personal effects that it'll have mold?"
"Yes."
"Damn."
"So..."
"We tried that, sir."
"Actually..." He shuffled, "About that sex...."
"I was joking, sir."
"Oh."
"Kind of."
There was an awkward silence, then he sat next to her, "Carter, you know--"
"Shut up and kiss me, sir."
That silenced him. And then he moved, and she moved and slammed her forehead into his chin. "Damnit, Carter!"
"Sorry, sir."
"Stop calling me sir."
"Right--" She didn't get to finish her statement, because he was kissing her.
It was a nice kiss, if she ignored the throbbing in her forehead and the rocks digging into her back. And that he'd had mushrooms for breakfast. Sam hated mushrooms. But, hey, she was getting kissed. And then he shifted and she shifted and--the kiss was much better than 'nice'.
By the time Sam registered the cold ground under her back, Jack's hand was up her shirt doing interesting things to her breasts. And so, while the ground was hard and rocky (and cold) under her back, she didn't exactly notice it.
Besides, she kept making Jack whimper with what her hand down his pants was doing.
"Carter--" He nipped her neck, "This should really--"
"Be done naked?" She guessed, arching into his touch with a soft groan. "And in a bed."
"No beds."
"I can deal with that." With a shift, Sam rolled them over, straddling him. She kissed him again before he could protest.
Sam lost track of things in the half-light from the one flashlight they had. One moment, she was straddling the colonel, kissing his neck, the next she was standing to wriggle out of her pants. She paused for a moment as the colonel unbuttoned his own pants, to consider things. "Sir, I--"
"Second thoughts?"
"No. I just..." She shook her head and snorted, "Never mind."
"C'mere." He held up a hand.
Yanking off one boot, Sam got her pants off her leg, then dropped her shirt next to Jack's hips and lowered herself, kneeling on her pants and shirt. She paused above him and he reached between them and stroked her. She sighed happily and wriggled a little, bumping against him.
A thought occurred to her, and she smirked, "We who are about to die."
"Carter--"
"Not interested in speeches, sir?"
"God no." He grabbed her hips and pulled her down onto him.
Sam gasped and braced herself against his chest. "Not quite what I'd had in mind."
"No?" He pushed up against her.
"But I think I can adjust." And she did. It took them a few false-starts to get the right rhythm going, and he didn't quite have it down, but she didn't care. Her own fingers provided the better stimulus, and he looked surprised when she orgasmed.
"That was hot. Do it again." He panted.
"Nah." She leaned down and bit his chin. "Your turn." And she twisted her hips and arched.
It didn't take long to drive him over the edge, and he came with a grunt, hands tightening on her hips almost painfully.
Sam propped herself against his chest with a sigh.
"Well."
"Yeah." She shifted. "I need a bath. Or a shower."
"Sounds good."
"Yeah, pity there's not..." Sam trailed off, her brain suddenly working again. "Crap." She straightened up and began standing. "Um, sir? I think I know how we can get out of here. And I can't believe I didn't think of it before."
"Oh?"
"Swim."
"Swim."
"Yeah. There's a good twenty feet from the lip of the cave to the entrance, but we should make it."
"Oh."
Sam hastily pulled her other boot off and staggered over to the water, wincing as she rinsed herself. It was very cold water. Plus, there were muscles in her legs that hadn't been used in quite that way for a while. She used her shirt to dry, then pulled her underwear and pants back on and looked over to find the colonel still staring at her. "It will work, sir."
"I'm a little tired, Carter." He waved a hand, then flopped his arm over his eyes. "You wore me out."
"Nonsense, sir. I'll get an energy bar and you'll be ready to go in a minute." Sam rummaged in her vest and pulled one out, handing it to him.
"Fine." He yanked the wrapper off and took a bite. "I hate these things."
"Sorry, sir."
"Carter..."
"Yeah?"
"This--thing..."
"The sex, sir?"
"Yeah, that."
"What sex, sir?"
He actually looked at her for a moment, then nodded and went back to eating his energy bar. Sam stood and picked up her shirt, shaking it out before pulling it on. It was damp, but she'd be soaking wet shortly, so she figured it didn't matter. Besides. She had to think about other things--like forgetting the fact she'd had sex with her commanding officer.
Even if it had been pretty good--she was pretty sure it could have been better. What a pity she wouldn't be able to find out. Practice, after all, made perfect.
A few minutes later, she was seriously considering staying in the cave to die. "This water is cold, sir. It's really, really cold."
"You don't say, Carter." His hand caught her shoulder. "You ready?"
"No."
"Go anyway."
"Yes, sir." She looked back at him. "Sir? I've changed my mind."
"Carter?"
"I know the perfect way to warm up when we get out of here."
He blinked, then turned off the flashlight, leaned in and kissed her. "'K."
It took them less time than Sam had thought it would to swim the underground passage. She was shivering badly by the time she surfaced on the other side.
"Sam!" A flashlight shone in her face, and Jonas began talking a mile a minute as he hauled her out of the water and sat her down, exclaiming how glad he was to see her and the colonel, and that he and Teal'c had been just about to call for reinforcements to find them.
"Indeed." Teal'c agreed, smiling at both of them.
Sam swore he was eyeing them like a father eyes two disobeying children. But she didn't care. "Sir? I'm going home. Janet will give me chicken soup and warm blankets." She untied her boots from her belt and pulled them on, making a face as she squelched.
"Good plan, Carter." The colonel pulled his own boots on with a squelch. "Teal'c, you take the rear-guard."
They moved out, two of them shivering and blue, two of them amused and (possibly) smug. But what thoughts were going through the minds of a Kelownan and a Jaffa one may never know.
-f-