YES, thank you. And bless you for writing this. I'm sick and tired of "Damon deserves Elena", "Elena doesn't deserve Damon" etc. Elena doesn't deserve Damon and Damon doesn't deserve Elena, because neither of them is a prize you can earn or win. As my friend once said it, "a girl is not a machine you put kindness coins in until sex falls out
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In this day and age, I think it's an act of heroism to live the principles you believe in. I know too many people who don't have any, or choose not live the way they know they should, because it's hard. So, yeah, for me, Elena is heroic. Bonnie is probably MORE heroic, but I still find Elena heroic. I guess it is semantics, in a way
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Yep, semantics. For me, a hero in fiction is someone like a superhero. In real life, of course, I have a much broader definition, close to yours :).
It's the best of romantic love, the relationship that is about doing for the other person instead of making a list of all the things they don't do for you.
Agreed. Keeping score in any relationship (be it love, or friendship, or a family relationship) is just absurd. That's not what people are about.
This is an excellent post, and I agree with it wholeheartedly. Just to get that out of the way.
To copy Marta, yesss, I am so beyond tired of the whole "X deserves Y because of Z" argument. It's ridiculous, and I want it to go away. That presupposes that there is a logic to feelings, that something can only happen because it makes sense for it to happen, and if I can say any one thing about my shipping proclivities, it's that I am addicted to things that happen in spite of, without rhyme or reason, just because it does. I can't stand that people think that Damon and Elena can only happen if one somehow 'earns' the other. That's not how people work, and it's not how feelings work, and I have no interest in escapist fiction if it is so escapist that it departs from any realistic telling of relationships and human character. This has been a rant.
Anyway, back to the point, I love that you don't shy away from the fact that Damon is a terrible person. He is, and that's why we love him. And it is so much more interesting that Elena
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You are so right about Damon underselling himself. It's almost as if he doesn't want any credit for the good things because there are so many bad? Who even knows just how his mind works with regard to that, but yes, it certainly seems he's much more comfortable with everyone's disdain than anyone's gratitude. Poor broken bastard.
Assessing Elena's love for Stefan as something she was "duped" into is very real to me, as well. And is the biggest reason I can't ship them either. I mean by the time they have sex for the first time, she thinks she "knows" what she's getting into, and then she finds the picture of Katherine. And then Stefan dumps the 'you're adopted' bombshell in a way that deflects from the fact that she looks just like Katherine. Ugh. So many ISSUES with that boy.
Elena loves what Stefan has showed to her, what she believes he can become again if he tries hard enough.
I love love love this sentence. So very true, and so beautifully phrased. And the same can be said of Damon, she loves what he's shown her. And she does
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Oh wow. Of course love is something you don't deserve, but I've never heard it put quite so succinctly. And if the word "deserve" enters into it, it's not love.
It actually makes me think about the fallacy of the "X makes Y their best self" or whatever. That's an offshoot of "deserve." Love is just love. You either feel it...or you don't.
Well, I have known people who actually did bring out the worst in people they loved, so I don't know that that part is entirely false--but there is a lot of choice involved and if you learn to repair dysfunction, sometimes those things can be solved. But, yes, sometimes you can't explain love. Sometimes it's obvious why two people love each other and are together, and other times you see a couple and you wonder how that happened! I really think it's just that: love happened. And it's not always logical!
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I agree with pretty much every word of this post.
Period. :)
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It's the best of romantic love, the relationship that is about doing for the other person instead of making a list of all the things they don't do for you.
Agreed. Keeping score in any relationship (be it love, or friendship, or a family relationship) is just absurd. That's not what people are about.
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To copy Marta, yesss, I am so beyond tired of the whole "X deserves Y because of Z" argument. It's ridiculous, and I want it to go away. That presupposes that there is a logic to feelings, that something can only happen because it makes sense for it to happen, and if I can say any one thing about my shipping proclivities, it's that I am addicted to things that happen in spite of, without rhyme or reason, just because it does. I can't stand that people think that Damon and Elena can only happen if one somehow 'earns' the other. That's not how people work, and it's not how feelings work, and I have no interest in escapist fiction if it is so escapist that it departs from any realistic telling of relationships and human character. This has been a rant.
Anyway, back to the point, I love that you don't shy away from the fact that Damon is a terrible person. He is, and that's why we love him. And it is so much more interesting that Elena ( ... )
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Assessing Elena's love for Stefan as something she was "duped" into is very real to me, as well. And is the biggest reason I can't ship them either. I mean by the time they have sex for the first time, she thinks she "knows" what she's getting into, and then she finds the picture of Katherine. And then Stefan dumps the 'you're adopted' bombshell in a way that deflects from the fact that she looks just like Katherine. Ugh. So many ISSUES with that boy.
Elena loves what Stefan has showed to her, what she believes he can become again if he tries hard enough.
I love love love this sentence. So very true, and so beautifully phrased. And the same can be said of Damon, she loves what he's shown her. And she does ( ... )
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It actually makes me think about the fallacy of the "X makes Y their best self" or whatever. That's an offshoot of "deserve." Love is just love. You either feel it...or you don't.
Really thought-provoking post. :D
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I see your hug icon, and raise you mine :D
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