Okay, so earlier today I was over at AO3 poking around.
As I've complained to many of you a time or two, I prefer LJ for ficcing because there tends to be more interaction, but today I just had this inkling that I should go over and look at my stories over there. Like, look at the number counts. (upupa_epops mentioned that she does this and gave her a certain good feeling. Since I'm in the market for all good feelings, I decided to follow her example.) Anyway, I was looking at my numbers and realizing that I'm such a jerk. Like, seriously. I have a lot of kudos on several stories, and what THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH? How much praise do you need, you praise-junkie? I was having a moment of humble pie and just realizing the issue I've long struggled with in life and fandom in general (I don't know, maybe all people struggle with this) is to be the FAVORITE or BEST LOVED.
It's enough, most of the time to just know I'm able to construct a sentence that other people would like to read, but everyone needs KUDOS, right? And I should just be grateful for what I've gotten. What brings this on, you may ask? I just got notified that I got nominated for some fanfic award. *facepalms* Anyway, as a personal rule for myself, I never participate in stuff like that, but needless to say, it just brought home even more that I have my moments of obsessing over silly things that I already know.
And now, now I like AO3 for more than archival purposes. Conversations and friendships that start because of fic are wonderful, but so is just knowing people liked what you wrote. That's enough.
It's enough, most of the time to just know I'm able to construct a sentence that other people would like to read, but everyone needs KUDOS, right? And I should just be grateful for what I've gotten. What brings this on, you may ask? I just got notified that I got nominated for some fanfic award. *facepalms* Anyway, as a personal rule for myself, I never participate in stuff like that, but needless to say, it just brought home even more that I have my moments of obsessing over silly things that I already know.
And now, now I like AO3 for more than archival purposes. Conversations and friendships that start because of fic are wonderful, but so is just knowing people liked what you wrote. That's enough.