Deleted Scenes from the Big_Fang
Title: Deleted Scenes from the Big_Fang
Author: badboy_fangirl
Pairing(s): Damon/Elena
Word Count: ~1000
Rating/Warnings: PG-13
Summary: Four moments from canon from Damon's POV.
Author's notes: When I started this story so many months ago, I had this idea of doing all these "important" moments in Damon and Elena's relationship for the opening chapter-which is ( Read more... )
Author: badboy_fangirl
Pairing(s): Damon/Elena
Word Count: ~1000
Rating/Warnings: PG-13
Summary: Four moments from canon from Damon's POV.
Author's notes: When I started this story so many months ago, I had this idea of doing all these "important" moments in Damon and Elena's relationship for the opening chapter-which is ( Read more... )
I love how fractured the first one is, as he tries to grasp what has happened and fades in and out of awareness, eventually tethered only by Elena. I love the initial sense of claustrophobia inside the tomb as the truth crashes in on him, and how disorientated he becomes once he stumbles out of it. (I kinda feel like that feels true of Katherine and Elena's effect on his life in general. You know, Katherine drawing him into the dark but forever out of reach while he destroys himself for her, while Elena is like the fresh air, making him feel again, and that is disorientating and sometimes it hurts more than anything, but he can't turn it back off and he can't let go of her.) Also loved the great contrast between his supernatural senses continuing on, his feelings continuing on, his life continuing on, even when he feels utterly dead.
He's the most dead he's ever been, and like all the times before, he still lives.
Oh, Damon. Great line.
And Katherine is not dead, or desiccating, or anywhere.
I love that, because it's so true. She is suddenly infinitely more lost to him, more gone, than she ever was in all the long years when he thought she was locked in there.
Damon's legs start working at some point; he thinks it's only because Elena's hand is in his.
Oh, how much do I love that she both literally and figuratively keeps him going here? So, so much. And oh, the hand holding ♥.
He's been having twinges, for a while now. He doesn't like it
TWINGES. Oh, Damon. You are already in love, boo. Also, I really like how much he much he doesn't want to be feeling these things, and how part of it is not just self-protective, but also that her looking like Katherine is another reason he doesn't like it. Unlike Stefan, whose feelings for Elena are entangled with his feelings for Katherine, it's a separate thing for Damon. It's not about her in any way being a replacement for the woman he lost. It's about him, despite himself, truly liking her and falling in love with her, not being able to help doing so just because of who Elena herself is, despite all the many reasons he shouldn't.
On a totally different note, I loved the little detail of him knowing Stefan was faking still being vervained. Also adored the contrast between Stefan remaining silent and refusing to communicate with Elena, and Damon being unable to help opening up to her and recognising that as one more sign of exactly how much he cares.
It's the quiet moments when he's drinking his scotch and she's just there and he feels contentment. She brings something to the room, the whole house, his life that he never knew was missing.
OF COURSE SHE DOES. SIGH. OTP OTP OTP. And oh, him recognising how far in he's getting. Yes yes yes.
He's actually grateful that she turns away from him and runs out to find his brother.
He doesn't need her pity, and he doesn't deserve it. And he certainly doesn't want it.
OH DAMON. That is so very him and that is what is so perfectly damn tragic about it. Because he believes it, has to believe it for all sorts of reasons. But underneath it all, buried so deep down he can convince himself it doesn't exist, he does want it, he does need it, and in this instance he does deserve it. But it's easier in so very many ways to cling to the not wanting or needing it, to instead stick to the lie of being grateful that she just left. I loved the phrasing of "he's actually grateful". He's so instantly on the defensive, even inside his own head, to protect himself from feeling the sense of rejection. But that in itself ends up being so telling. And oh, the fact that he thinks of what she'd offer in terms of pity, rather than sympathy or understanding or her caring for him. (continued...)
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He shouldn't be surprised that she's still at the Boarding House when he gets back, but he is.
I love this contrasted with the previous section. That she does try and stay with him here and that in a lot of ways, it really was a lot easier for him back in 1.20, when she didn't. Then, he could deny what he was feeling a lot more easily; here, he can't control what he is feeling at all.
and makes him feel reduced to a needy, damaged piece of shit in the process.
Oh, Damon. That somebody actually caring for him makes him feel worse instead of better. SIGH.
he just keeps telling her to leave, in as many ways as he can.
Lovely way of putting it, because that's exactly what he did or tried to do, and yet each action just made it more and more evident how upset he was, and therefore more and more difficult for her to feel able to leave him.
But no, she has to stop and look up at him with those eyes, and then she has to reach out, wrapping her arms around his shoulders like he deserves some kind of absolution
I love how evident the extent of his damage is here, that everything he sees her doing is something he desperately, desperately wants and yet can't face wanting or accept as even being possible, because he feels so tremendously undeserving of it and so unable to ever reach the point of being worthy of it.
And oh, the shifting of the blame onto her for making him feel all those feelings, the desperate longing for it to be easier, to not hurt.
His teeth sink into flesh and tendon and jugular, but he only sees Elena, hears Elena, feels Elena.
Because it's like making the point, isn't it? That he's not worthy of that compassion, that he's not human, that killing people is what he does, that Elena is wrong to see anything more in him, wrong to offer him that compassion, and he has to be right about that, has to make the point to both himself and to her, even if only in his own mind. And yet... the fact is, even at such an incredibly destructive, dangerous low point, she's still there in his head. She's the humanity he can't bury, no matter how hard he tries. He can't stop caring, not anymore, and she is with him everywhere, causing him to feel things it'd be far easier not to feel.
he doesn't go get the shovel from the trunk of his car; he just uses his hands
I like how almost animalistic that seems, like one more rejection of him being in any way capable of embracing his humanity, one more way of reminding himself that he's a vampire, that he's not human and never can be again. Like it's that idea, that part of himself that he's trying to bury, not just Rose.
She vibrates with rage, sadness, and some special emotion she only ever directs at him.
It's so, so true. I love how drawn to her he is, that he sees her as glorious, that he almost jealously guards this side of her, this strength of emotion as reserved just for him, the part of her that he is allowed to have.
he'd be lying if he didn't acknowledge what a bonus it is to be in her presence when she’s so raw.)
Because she isn't that raw with others, because he's so much further under her skin. And because so much of the emotion that she tries to keep restrained around him comes out in moments like this, so of course, of course seeing her like this has it's own kind of pull for him.
should be used to her abuse by now; sometimes he thinks it's her favorite way to touch him
And oh, in a way I think it is. Because in a strange sort of way, it allows her to touch him in a way that is utterly unrestrained. And she can allow herself to feel the full strength of the emotion she has towards him when it is anger or hurt, in a way she can't bear to do when it comes to facing a lot of her other feelings towards him.
it's much easier to handle her wrath than her gratitude.
Oh, Damon.
Loved these deleted scenes ♥!
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So broken, I know.
She's the humanity he can't bury, no matter how hard he tries.
Now I'm just quoting back to you, because this line makes me want to WEEP!
I like how almost animalistic that seems, like one more rejection of him being in any way capable of embracing his humanity, one more way of reminding himself that he's a vampire, that he's not human and never can be again. Like it's that idea, that part of himself that he's trying to bury, not just Rose.
I do think the image of him digging Jessica's grave with his bare hands is complete head-canon for me, so visceral and haunting, and yet here you give it even greater meaning. He's burying himself, yet again. GAH!
Thank you, as always for commenting!
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I mean, these were the throw away parts! I can only imagine your thought processes when it comes to what actually happens in the story!
TWINGES. Oh, Damon. You are already in love, boo.
I also love how you talk to the characters and call them your boo. You're adorable.
Also adored the contrast between Stefan remaining silent and refusing to communicate with Elena, and Damon being unable to help opening up
In some ways this is the epitome of the triangle, is it not? I mean, for serious. Who has the healthy relationship here?
I loved the phrasing of "he's actually grateful". He's so instantly on the defensive, even inside his own head, to protect himself from feeling the sense of rejection.
This was really important to me, to understand why he wouldn't let it bother him that he just made a huge revelation to Elena about himself, and yet she chose to focus on the Stefan aspect of it; so figuring out how he made himself not care seemed appropriate.
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Thank you for writing and sharing it ♥!
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