[fic] All This Devotion
Title: All This Devotion
Author: badboy_fangirl
Characters/Pairings: Damon POV; Damon/Elena (side Jeremy/Bonnie)
Word Count: ~1300
Rating/Warnings: R
Spoilers: Everything through 4x09 with pure speculation beyond that.
Prompt: From upupa_epops: After ALL THE ANGST Damon and Elena figure out that the sire bond never existed. Spontaneous celebration ensues. Damon's POV please.
Author's notes: Inspired by Florence + the Machine's "Never Let Me Go." And, you know, Damon and Elena. Who are the OTP of OTPs. [shipperjunkie, I finally worked in that vagina/crossbow thing. :D]
And it's peaceful in the deep
Cathedral where you cannot breathe
No need to pray, no need to speak
Now I am under all
And it's breaking over me
A thousand miles down to the sea bed
Found the place to rest my head
Never let me go
He should know what Stefan's about to say simply by the look of devastation on his face, but they've had too many tragedies, so Damon can't assume this is only bad news from his brother's point of view.
Stefan says, "The sire bond isn't real," and he babbles on about Klaus manipulating them all and Shane hypnotizing Elena and how they all played right into it. Damon barely even hears the apology that comes half-heartedly at the end. "I was wrong, Damon. I shouldn't have..."
Whatever he shouldn't have done, thought, felt, whatever, Damon doesn't know. All he knows is he has to get to Elena's as fast as possible.
(It's probably the assiest thing he's ever done, running out on his brother when he's in the bottom basement of emotions, but Damon never claimed he wasn't an ass.)
He doesn't even knock, just barges in the door of the Gilbert house, interrupting Bonnie and Jeremy making out on the couch. "Damon!" Jeremy shouts, dragging the blanket off the back of the sofa to cover up his half-naked girlfriend.
"Where's Elena?" Damon demands
"Not here!" Jeremy says, looking pointedly at Bonnie. "She went to Ric's to give us some privacy."
It suddenly occurs to Damon that he could have saved himself all this wasted time if he would have just called Elena, but he's sort of not thinking straight. Maybe he should text her, just in case. His hand digs into his jacket pocket for his phone automatically.
No! He doesn't want anything passing between them that's not face to face. He might burst and end up spilling something, even through a text.
"Is everything okay, Damon?" This from Bonnie. His eyes snap to the witch's, and while Jeremy just looks supremely irritated by his presence, Bonnie looks concerned.
Bonnie cares.
In a strange turn of events that almost makes him blurt it out, he just grins at the both of them like the stupid, lovesick sap he is. "Everything's fine. Just great!"
He has one moment of lucidity as he's heading back out the door. "Have some class, Jer. Take that girl upstairs."
He hears them both dissolve into giggles as he runs down the steps back to his car.
(Ric's ghost will find a way to haunt him forever if he fucks Elena at the Loft. But he is so fucking Elena at the Loft. He doesn't give a shit.)
She's not at Ric's. He lets himself in, yelling her name as he opens the door. It's absolutely quiet and still through the small apartment. He can smell her perfume, so she's been here, recently even, but she's not here now.
He pulls his phone out and calls her.
"Hey, Damon! What's up?" she asks cheerfully.
This is how it's been between them for the last few months. They act like the best of friends, they get along better than they ever did, and they fucking long for each other. Elena tells him things like, Nothing's different, you know, except that you won't be with me and then she smiles like she's not ripping his heart out. He only calls her if he has to, and he knows she thinks every time is the time when he's finally giving up, when he's finally decided fuck it all because he can't stand it anymore.
But he hasn't done that. Not once. Since he sent her away, he's kept his distance. He's been the perfect picture of a guy letting a girl go who doesn't want to be let go but has no choice.
"Where are you?" he asks, and he thinks he sounds normal.
"At the Grill with Caroline." She giggles, like maybe she's had a few tequila shots. (Stupid compellable bartenders.) "We're playing pool."
He can't stop the swear word that slips out. "Fuck. Of course, you are." Why couldn't she be somewhere with someone who liked him, even a little bit?
"What's wrong?" she asks.
"Nothing, nothing's wrong. I just want to see you. Jeremy said you were at Ric's, so I came here, but you're not and-"
"I'll be right there," she interrupts, and before he can say anything else, the call is disconnected in his ear.
"...Bye?" he says to the empty room.
(There was a part of him that almost gave in at least once a week. She had to hear it in his voice every time he called, that's why she would say things like, If by setting me free you mean to ensure I'll never want anyone but you, it's working, but somehow that would give him greater resolve.
He could do it when he knew she was just saying what he wanted to hear, not what she really meant.)
(Turns out, he wanted to hear it and she really meant it, too.)
He forces himself to sit down on the end of the bed. He debates about moving to the couch, but Elena's a vampire now, so it takes her less than two minutes to get from the Grill to Ric's apartment and he's about to stand up when she bursts through the door.
He freezes in mid-bend, and imagines what Bonnie and Jeremy must have seen when he erupted through their door.
It's like she knows. Even though she can't possibly.
She shuts the door carefully behind her, locking it, and he knows she knows. She fucking already knows, somehow. How? How did she know?
"Did Stefan call you?" he asks.
"The minute before you did," she confirms, her eyes bright. She presses her hands to the door, and just stays there. She could launch herself across the space, pin him to the bed with nothing more than her vagina (she did that to him on this bed one other time, and even though she'd been upset about the hostage situation with her brother, Damon had still gotten aroused. She hadn't mentioned it, and neither had he), and they could be where they've wanted to be for so long, but...
Yeah, neither of them move. They just stare at each other and Damon sits back down on the bed.
"What did he say?" Damon asks, because maybe it's not what he thinks.
"What do you think he said?" she asks, her tone torn between agitation and indulgence. "He was apologizing and crying and he finally told me that if being with you makes me happy then that's what matters most to him."
Damon would respond, but his mouth is suddenly dry, and he thinks maybe he's going to have a panic attack.
(Can vampires have panic attacks? He has no fucking clue.)
"You want to know what I said?" she asks, and he loves her more than ever before because she's actually trying to help him out here while he's being a mother fucking moron.
He nods.
"I told him that I love you. And now I'm telling you, because you have to believe me. I'm not saying it because you want me to, or because I think it will make you happy. I'm saying it because it's true, and I want to say it, and I've wanted to for months, and-"
"Elena?" he croaks.
"What?"
"Please shut up, and come over here."
(He would go to her, but he's pretty damn sure his legs will no longer support him.)
She's in front of him in the blink of an eye, squeezing herself between his knees. She touches a hand to his cheek, and something in his chest loosens.
He 'set her free' at the lake house, but he thinks freedom has just been achieved right here, right now.
He reaches up and cups her face in his palm, but when he draws her down so their lips can meet, she pushes him back, following him down on to the bed.
She's straddling him just like that other time, except there's no crossbow. No, this time it's her vagina and her lips holding him down.
It's her words, whispered declarations said shamelessly and repeatedly because they aren't false, and they can no longer be doubted. As they undress and roll across Ric's bed, it becomes impossible to tell the difference between Damon's desires and Elena's desires.
(And that is the mother fucking point, isn't it?)
Author: badboy_fangirl
Characters/Pairings: Damon POV; Damon/Elena (side Jeremy/Bonnie)
Word Count: ~1300
Rating/Warnings: R
Spoilers: Everything through 4x09 with pure speculation beyond that.
Prompt: From upupa_epops: After ALL THE ANGST Damon and Elena figure out that the sire bond never existed. Spontaneous celebration ensues. Damon's POV please.
Author's notes: Inspired by Florence + the Machine's "Never Let Me Go." And, you know, Damon and Elena. Who are the OTP of OTPs. [shipperjunkie, I finally worked in that vagina/crossbow thing. :D]
And it's peaceful in the deep
Cathedral where you cannot breathe
No need to pray, no need to speak
Now I am under all
And it's breaking over me
A thousand miles down to the sea bed
Found the place to rest my head
Never let me go
He should know what Stefan's about to say simply by the look of devastation on his face, but they've had too many tragedies, so Damon can't assume this is only bad news from his brother's point of view.
Stefan says, "The sire bond isn't real," and he babbles on about Klaus manipulating them all and Shane hypnotizing Elena and how they all played right into it. Damon barely even hears the apology that comes half-heartedly at the end. "I was wrong, Damon. I shouldn't have..."
Whatever he shouldn't have done, thought, felt, whatever, Damon doesn't know. All he knows is he has to get to Elena's as fast as possible.
(It's probably the assiest thing he's ever done, running out on his brother when he's in the bottom basement of emotions, but Damon never claimed he wasn't an ass.)
He doesn't even knock, just barges in the door of the Gilbert house, interrupting Bonnie and Jeremy making out on the couch. "Damon!" Jeremy shouts, dragging the blanket off the back of the sofa to cover up his half-naked girlfriend.
"Where's Elena?" Damon demands
"Not here!" Jeremy says, looking pointedly at Bonnie. "She went to Ric's to give us some privacy."
It suddenly occurs to Damon that he could have saved himself all this wasted time if he would have just called Elena, but he's sort of not thinking straight. Maybe he should text her, just in case. His hand digs into his jacket pocket for his phone automatically.
No! He doesn't want anything passing between them that's not face to face. He might burst and end up spilling something, even through a text.
"Is everything okay, Damon?" This from Bonnie. His eyes snap to the witch's, and while Jeremy just looks supremely irritated by his presence, Bonnie looks concerned.
Bonnie cares.
In a strange turn of events that almost makes him blurt it out, he just grins at the both of them like the stupid, lovesick sap he is. "Everything's fine. Just great!"
He has one moment of lucidity as he's heading back out the door. "Have some class, Jer. Take that girl upstairs."
He hears them both dissolve into giggles as he runs down the steps back to his car.
(Ric's ghost will find a way to haunt him forever if he fucks Elena at the Loft. But he is so fucking Elena at the Loft. He doesn't give a shit.)
She's not at Ric's. He lets himself in, yelling her name as he opens the door. It's absolutely quiet and still through the small apartment. He can smell her perfume, so she's been here, recently even, but she's not here now.
He pulls his phone out and calls her.
"Hey, Damon! What's up?" she asks cheerfully.
This is how it's been between them for the last few months. They act like the best of friends, they get along better than they ever did, and they fucking long for each other. Elena tells him things like, Nothing's different, you know, except that you won't be with me and then she smiles like she's not ripping his heart out. He only calls her if he has to, and he knows she thinks every time is the time when he's finally giving up, when he's finally decided fuck it all because he can't stand it anymore.
But he hasn't done that. Not once. Since he sent her away, he's kept his distance. He's been the perfect picture of a guy letting a girl go who doesn't want to be let go but has no choice.
"Where are you?" he asks, and he thinks he sounds normal.
"At the Grill with Caroline." She giggles, like maybe she's had a few tequila shots. (Stupid compellable bartenders.) "We're playing pool."
He can't stop the swear word that slips out. "Fuck. Of course, you are." Why couldn't she be somewhere with someone who liked him, even a little bit?
"What's wrong?" she asks.
"Nothing, nothing's wrong. I just want to see you. Jeremy said you were at Ric's, so I came here, but you're not and-"
"I'll be right there," she interrupts, and before he can say anything else, the call is disconnected in his ear.
"...Bye?" he says to the empty room.
(There was a part of him that almost gave in at least once a week. She had to hear it in his voice every time he called, that's why she would say things like, If by setting me free you mean to ensure I'll never want anyone but you, it's working, but somehow that would give him greater resolve.
He could do it when he knew she was just saying what he wanted to hear, not what she really meant.)
(Turns out, he wanted to hear it and she really meant it, too.)
He forces himself to sit down on the end of the bed. He debates about moving to the couch, but Elena's a vampire now, so it takes her less than two minutes to get from the Grill to Ric's apartment and he's about to stand up when she bursts through the door.
He freezes in mid-bend, and imagines what Bonnie and Jeremy must have seen when he erupted through their door.
It's like she knows. Even though she can't possibly.
She shuts the door carefully behind her, locking it, and he knows she knows. She fucking already knows, somehow. How? How did she know?
"Did Stefan call you?" he asks.
"The minute before you did," she confirms, her eyes bright. She presses her hands to the door, and just stays there. She could launch herself across the space, pin him to the bed with nothing more than her vagina (she did that to him on this bed one other time, and even though she'd been upset about the hostage situation with her brother, Damon had still gotten aroused. She hadn't mentioned it, and neither had he), and they could be where they've wanted to be for so long, but...
Yeah, neither of them move. They just stare at each other and Damon sits back down on the bed.
"What did he say?" Damon asks, because maybe it's not what he thinks.
"What do you think he said?" she asks, her tone torn between agitation and indulgence. "He was apologizing and crying and he finally told me that if being with you makes me happy then that's what matters most to him."
Damon would respond, but his mouth is suddenly dry, and he thinks maybe he's going to have a panic attack.
(Can vampires have panic attacks? He has no fucking clue.)
"You want to know what I said?" she asks, and he loves her more than ever before because she's actually trying to help him out here while he's being a mother fucking moron.
He nods.
"I told him that I love you. And now I'm telling you, because you have to believe me. I'm not saying it because you want me to, or because I think it will make you happy. I'm saying it because it's true, and I want to say it, and I've wanted to for months, and-"
"Elena?" he croaks.
"What?"
"Please shut up, and come over here."
(He would go to her, but he's pretty damn sure his legs will no longer support him.)
She's in front of him in the blink of an eye, squeezing herself between his knees. She touches a hand to his cheek, and something in his chest loosens.
He 'set her free' at the lake house, but he thinks freedom has just been achieved right here, right now.
He reaches up and cups her face in his palm, but when he draws her down so their lips can meet, she pushes him back, following him down on to the bed.
She's straddling him just like that other time, except there's no crossbow. No, this time it's her vagina and her lips holding him down.
It's her words, whispered declarations said shamelessly and repeatedly because they aren't false, and they can no longer be doubted. As they undress and roll across Ric's bed, it becomes impossible to tell the difference between Damon's desires and Elena's desires.
(And that is the mother fucking point, isn't it?)