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[badbadbathhouse]

Why, hello there, kittens! I'm Kanji, esteemed reporter of all things fabulous and ever so delightfully naughty, and I'm here with a most special update for a fandom just beginning its long, hard... journey into adulthood~!

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Those Annoying Bugs (2)

[anonymous]

...Anon is sorry for both the lateness and the formatting failure above.

--

Yukiko's arms were beginning to be numb. "Chie, could you..." She stopped when she saw what exactly had had Chie's attention. A dying millipede was wriggling near Chie's knee. A train of black ants was marching toward it, some had already begun surrounding the dead creature like a black circle.

"Bugs..." Chie moaned.

Yukiko covered her mouth just in time, and for good measure pinched her nose as well. She hoped that her shaking wouldn't get them noticed, and knew that she shouldn't have laughed because of what they were doing and it was Chie, her best friend. Yet it tickled her sense of humor that Chie, her prince, was clinging to her like a child because of some arthropods. Yukiko was kind enough to not tell Chie that there was another millipede on the other side of her knees.

"Quiet, all of you!" Rise whispered, pointing at the scene of importance. Yukiko inhaled sharply, re-focusing on their main objective. She tuned in just in time to hear Naoto saying, "-regardless, I do not believe that Tatsumi-kun is capable of such action-"

Kanji hung his head while Soji pat his back. “That ain’t fair,” Kanji said weakly.

"-And I most certainly did not know how to write in such…language, let alone to send it to you." She shook her head. "This is most annoying."

"It's just a harmless prank, Naoto," Soji said. For a moment Yukiko thought he was looking precisely at them, but then he clapped both Naoto and Kanji on the shoulder. "No harm done! Except that now I'm starving. Come on, let's go to Aiya's. I've been dying for their beef bowl."

"But, Senpai-"

Soji clucked his tongue. "How dare you resist free food, Kanji?" He chuckled. By some inhuman strength he managed to pull both Naoto and Kanji, both looking like cicada caught on a fly paper.

The spying team didn't dare move for so long Yukiko forgot that her arms were still attached to her, and Chie's nails dug into them. "Uh, Chie, you can let go now." Chie obeyed by falling backwards on her back and crawled away like a crab.

Rise crouched to Yukiko, frowning at the display of insects. "That's what got you so scared? Won't it all be over in a step of your foot?"

“No! That'd be gross!"

Yosuke looked as though his birthday had come early. "This is priceless," he smirked to Chie, "You are afraid of bugs. So priceless."

"Shut up!" Chie was red from top to bottom. She stood, poked Yosuke on the chest. "Or should I tell them about that time in Junes?"

It was Yosuke's turn to look pale. He held both of his hands forward as if to ward Chie off. "Okay, okay, I get it. Sheesh."

Meanwhile, Rise had kicked the millipede away gleefully. Yukiko snorted, pinching her nose. Not terribly ladylike, but it couldn't be worse than laughing at the most inappropriate moments.

"We have to do something about Soji-senpai, though," Rise said.

Yosuke slapped his forehead. "Oh, right, Soji. Damn that man, what the hell is he doing with Naoto?"

“He can’t have liked her, can he?”

"Naoto certainly seems to admire him. Definitely respects him more than you or me."

"Yeah, you'd have to be an extreme carnivore to do that."

"...Yosuke, do you still love your 'nads'?"

"Someone," Rise interjected loudly, "should go into Aiya and get Soji-senpai out."

"Why don't I like the sound of that?"

Chie clapped her hands. "Good, we have a volunteer."

"Hell no!" Yosuke shouted. "Go get Teddy or do it yourself!"

But Chie had a determined look in her eyes. "Listen, that one time in Junes--"

"Alright, alright! You girls are evil, I tell you. Evil!" He turned around and led them to Aiya with head hung and heavy steps.

Rise giggled. "And we'd have to be quick, senpai, or Soji-senpai will have ruined it already."

Yosuke grumbled; it sounded like, 'bugs', 'Chie', 'evil', and 'nosey girls'.

"Hey," Chie said, indignant, "it was your idea to send anonymous letters like that. Now be responsible for it."

Yosuke's grumbling turned slightly more vulgar and inaudible.

Re: Those Annoying Bugs (2)

[anonymous]

MORE PLEASE

(3/6) The Amazing Yosuke and His Sidekick Soji

[anonymous]

The universe hated him.

No, wait, that was too sweeping of a statement (and some gods might feel offended and wouldn't that be nice?). Okay, some people hated him. Chie didn't count; that would be too easy. But maybe enough people hated him that some powers that be granted their wish and made his life hell.

Okay, maybe that was just wishful thinking, but otherwise what the hell made him stand outside of Aiya like a moron, trying to catch the conversation of two hopelessly awkward teenagers?

Someone clamped a hand over his mouth and breathed, "Yo."

"Mmmph!" Yosuke replied, thinking it was a rapist. Oh, just Soji. He let go of Yosuke's mouth. "What the hell, man. You scared me."

Soji chuckled. "I noticed, but I couldn't guarantee that you're not going to scream like a girl."

"Dude, I so do not scream like a--hey, what about the lovebirds?"

Soji grinned. "See for yourself."

Yosuke spared a quick peek into Aiya. They were still eating and sitting next to each other.

"I don't think they're even talking."

"Hey, come on. They're at least sitting next to each other and enjoying their food. That's an accomplishment."

Yosuke thought about the lunchtimes which Soji had spent with someone else and Kanji and Naoto shared. He decided to let the poor guy believe that Kanji and Naoto could, when left to their own devices, talk, oh, one or two lines to each other.

Then Yosuke's stomach growled. Soji chuckled. "Yeah, I noticed that you've been drooling out here all alone, you poor bastard."

"I do not drool; you do." But he was hungry. "What do you say, ditch the cute juniors and grab some topsicles?"

"...It's January."

"Yeah, getting warmer, too."

Regardless, Soji followed him. He even bought one topsicle for himself. It occurred to him, as he peeled the wrapping, that his mother might not be too happy about him eating snacks right before dinner. Then he remembered that his parents were attending someone's wedding or birthday anyway.

"You wrote the letter, didn't you?" Soji asked suddenly.

"What? Oh, yeah, Naoto's. Did you know that that was still a ton better than what Kanji could do?" Yosuke tossed the wrapper into a trash bin. "Anyway, what were you doing with Naoto? You're not..."

"Not...? Ah, I see." Soji smiled slightly. "Nah, too smart for me, she can do better." And Kanji is secretly a super-computer-run android? Yosuke thought. "She asked me to come." Soji waved his topsicle at Yosuke's direction. "Don't you know that leaving a letter like that is creepy? She thought it was some stalker."

"A-Ask the girls, not me!" Unfortunately, at that precise moment he gestured a little too forcefully and the topsicle flew out of his hand.

Onto Naoto's uniform with a grand 'splat'.

"Oh, shit, I'm sorry," he said rapidly, immediately taking a handkerchief and offered it to Naoto. She sighed, gave the topsicle back to Yosuke, and used the handkerchief to wipe her uniform. She only succeeded in spreading the light blue color. "I'm really, really, sorry."

"Fancy meeting you here, Senpai," Kanji grunted.

"Oh, dear," Soji said, frowning, "Do you have a spare uniform, Naoto?"

"No, just this one," she muttered, staring at the lost cause. "I should wash this promptly and see if it will be dry enough by school tomorrow."

"I have a dri--" Soji elbowed him. Yosuke elbowed him back.

"Kanji." Kanji's head snapped away from ogling Naoto's jacket. "Don't you have a drier at home?"

"Huh? Uh, yeah, I think we do--"

"Perfect." Soji clapped him on the shoulder. "Perhaps Naoto can borrow the washing machine as well?"

"That won't be necessary," Naoto said.

"It will be!" Yosuke said, a brilliant idea upon him. Seeing Naoto's stare, he lowered his voice. "I mean, Kashiwagi is looking for a reason to scold you, you know, since you won the beauty pageant without appearing at when it counts." His palm was sweaty, so he hoped that for this once Kanji would get the hint.

"Oh, look at the time," Soji said, "I've got to go, Dojima's expecting me early, today."

"M-Me too!" Yosuke blurted. "See ya."

He had to fore himself to walk casually; the thought of leaving the two dumbfounded kids with his back felt exhilirating. "You owe me big, Kanji," he mumbled to himself. "Don't you dare mess this up."