Coming to you live from a very steamy journal post~
Why, hello there, kittens! I'm Kanji, esteemed reporter of all things fabulous and ever so delightfully naughty, and I'm here with a most special update for a fandom just beginning its long, hard... journey into adulthood~!
SHIN MEGAMI TENSEI: PERSONA 4 KINK MEME
In this scintillating post of mine, you can comment anonymously with any pairing ( Read more... )
SHIN MEGAMI TENSEI: PERSONA 4 KINK MEME
In this scintillating post of mine, you can comment anonymously with any pairing ( Read more... )
It had same clothes - his winter school uniform like him, same gray hair, same figure because it was him. The difference was only the eyes and the glasses he used.
“Souji…”
He couldn’t believe it, but it really existed. The proof was in front of his eyes.
“…I’m tired.”
His shadow.
xXxXxXx
Excuse me, Fate?
It was what I heard from a weird man with weird nose (if I was correct, Igor was his name?) when I was in a weird place - vehicle named Velvet Room in my dream. I didn’t understand what he said. Well, how could I understand if I was just an outsider and suddenly dealing with fate or something I must solve? I thought it must be a stupid dream - maybe because I was too exhausted from the journey?
But after that, I knew it wasn’t a dream.
xXxXxXx
He needed to calm down. He could handle this. His friend could do it, so why he couldn’t?
“I’m the leader. Yes, it’s correct. I can do everything. I’m perfect. I have many friends, despite the fact I’m transferred student. People are proud of me.”
He just needed to accept it. Accept it and it would go. He just needed to say that it was part of him and he accepted its existence. It was easy.
“It’s what they think, but they don’t know that I’m tired.”
But he hesitated.
xXxXxXx
It began with a rumor, The Midnight Channel, the world inside the TV, shadows, and persona. I didn’t know about that power, I didn’t know how to get it. And then they, because of our promise to the bear, decided to explore the TV world and saving people. They made me their leader and I didn’t refuse. If that was they wanted, fine, I would give it.
They started to depend on me, everyone was depending on me. So, to whom I could depend?
xXxXxXx
Souji knew that he couldn’t reject it. But why, why deep inside his heart, he couldn’t accept it? He was afraid? To what? To himself?
“Why me, all of the people? Don’t they know I just a human - same as them? What makes they think I’m a superhero? It’s me. Yeah. It’s me. I act all tough, calm, and what the hell they expect from me. I lie to them, lie to myself.”
He couldn’t bear to hear it. The gray haired boy tried to put his hands in his ears. He knew he was on the wrong track, but he couldn’t help it.
“And why, why no one notice it?”
xXxXxXx
And that social link things made me must socialize with others. I met them, spent time with them, consoled them, heard all of their stories, whether it was good or bad, helped them, and I always gave what they wanted. I always tried to respond and act like they wanted me to.
And they liked me. They were glad to be friends with me. But if I always gave what they wanted, then who would give what I wanted?
xXxXxXx
His shadow walked toward him. Why he was lost control of himself? He regretted it, really. His other self grabbed his hands, smirked, and chuckled a little.
“Oh, Souji? Why you close your ears? Even you can’t hear me with your ears - you still can hear me in your heart.”
His eyes opened wide, face shocked with horror. He was trembling, scared of his other self. He tried not to shed tears. His shadow laughed, then his eyes met with the other, shorten the distance between their face.
“You need someone to hear you, right? Someone that can understand you.”
xXxXxXx
And I was tired, really tired. I wasn’t tired because I gave what they wanted, or because they depended on me. It was because I wanted to be understood. But, I knew it wouldn’t be happen. They expected too much from me, they overestimated me. No one would realize that inside, I was same. I needed to be given, heard, and understood. But no one would understand me.
No one, except myself.
xXxXxXx
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Souji knew it was right, too right to be denied. He was still trembling. He couldn’t get his composure like he always did, not in front of himself. His shadow touched his chin, lifted his head up, and smirked at him.
“Are you afraid? Why, I won’t hurt you. It’s not what I want, not what YOU want.”
His breath was heavy. He didn’t know how to react. Should he angry? Scared? Calm? Cold-headed? No, he didn’t know. His other self released him, made Souji unbalanced. His shadow stared at him with cold eyes.
And surprisingly, the shadow patted his head.
xXxXxXx
If there was someone who could comfort me, it was myself. It was the only one who could understand me, give what I wanted. I knew I wasn’t a lonely man. I knew the others tried to pay me back, acted all kindly, and helped me in battle. But I needed more than that. I needed someone, or something that could accept my weakness, my not-all-tough self.
I needed someone who could let me showed my weakness.
xXxXxXx
“…why?”
It was an only word spoken from Souji’s lips. His face showed his unbelief. His shadow smiled at him, yes, smiled, not smirked. Its hand touched his face, his glasses, his cheek, his lips - before embraced him tightly.
“Because it’s what you want.”
Souji had done this before. He had hugged his friends before - to comfort them, but he never received it from others. Never, until now. Well, not really others, since it was himself.
“You want this, Souji. You need this.”
He couldn’t do this. No. It made him felt weak - something he didn’t need to be the perfect leader.
“You can show it to me, Souji, since I’m you.”
No.
“You can show your weakness.”
And he didn’t realize when tears fell down from his cheek.
xXxXxXx
It wasn’t like I never cried. But to think about it, boys never cried - or acted like they never - so I didn’t remember when the last time I cried. It wasn’t important, though. Well, I was wondering.
Why I cried from the first time?
xXxXxXx
He didn’t believe he shed tears. Why? His shadow moved its hand, traced its thumb on his cheek before it took off his glasses, licked his tears, slowly, made Souji shivers a little.
“Don’t reject me, Souji. You know it’s what you want - someone who comfort you, someone who treat you like ordinary person, someone who hear you, someone who understand you.”
He sobbed, Souji Seta, the perfect leader who could do anything and had many friends, sobbed.
“You can cry and say your true feeling. I will hear you, Souji. I will give you what you want.”
“I… I’m tired.”
“I know.”
“I-I’m not perfect.”
“Yes, you aren’t.”
“I’m tired to do like they expect, to always give them what they want. I’m tired to fulfill their selfish wish!”
“…”
“I… I…!”
He cried, hugged his shadow tightly. He couldn’t see well, thanks for his tears and his taken glasses. His shadow embraced him didn’t say a word. It patted his head, like trying to calm him down. He didn’t know how long he cried. 5 minutes? 30 minutes? 1 hour? Like he would care about it.
He could feel someone’s sigh. A hand placed on his chin, lifted his head up. Once again, their eyes met. Souji couldn’t see him well. His eyes were watery and he still sobbed. A light kiss placed on his forehead, his cheek, his eye, and the last, his lips.
xXxXxXx
I DID want someone touched me. It was true I had a girlfriend or/and boyfriend, but I was the one who touched them, served them, gave them. I wanted someone, in his own intention, hugged and touched me even I didn’t ask for it, aven I didn’t do anything about that. I was tired to act as someone who always gave.
I wanted to be given.
xXxXxXx
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Lips kissed his neck before it was nibbling a little. He moaned, unbalanced because he jerked unconsciously. His act made both of them fell down- with his shadow above him.
xXxXxXx
I wasn’t perfect.
I had weakness, but I didn’t have chance to show it. They never let me. I didn’t want to break their expectation. So, yeah, I could pretend.
But if someone let me to, I would show all my weakness.
xXxXxXx
Souji didn’t know why it led to this. He didn’t know why his shadow stripped his coat, opened his shirt button, and hand everywhere of his body. He didn’t realized when his pants half-opened and a hand touched his thigh - tubbed it.
He moaned in pleasure, breathing heavily. Sweats fell down from his forehead, eyes half-lidded. His legs were divided, fingers traced down his legs. He closed his eyes, tried to bear a pain when a finger entered him - before it became two, three fingers.
And tears ran down his cheek, scream escaped from his lips, when something, something MUCH bigger replaced those fingers.
xXxXxXx
But I knew it was near impossible for happening. I knew no one could understand me. I knew no one expected me to be so weak and selfish. I knew I wasn’t live alone, but what could an extraordinary - in people’s view - boy do about that?
But if that happened, if there was someone, someone who met the criteria to be like that, to be myspecial comeone, I would…
xXxXxXx
His body fell on the ground. Body sweated, heavy breath, he was looking so fragile like that. And his shadow stared at him, face expressionless.
“Do you accept me?”
Souji shook his head, weakly. He tried to calm down, steadied his breath, eyes opened and closed, breathed - exhaled and inhaled.
“Why? You still don’t accept that I’m you?”
Once again, he shook his head. He tried to sit, hand grabbed his shadow’s hand before he looked straight to his other self’s eyes.
“Because if I do that, you will disappear.”
xXxXxXx
I wouldn’t let him gone.
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