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Stars and garters above! Isn't it time for a new post? The last one is just so... big now, isn't it? I don't know if even I could take it... ♥
SHIN MEGAMI TENSEI: PERSONA 4 KINK MEME
PART FIVEAs all you charming little anonymous know, in this very post of mine, you can comment anonymously with any pairing from Persona 4 and whatever astoundingly ( Read more... )
SHIN MEGAMI TENSEI: PERSONA 4 KINK MEME
PART FIVEAs all you charming little anonymous know, in this very post of mine, you can comment anonymously with any pairing from Persona 4 and whatever astoundingly ( Read more... )
The worst of their fights had been the first one.
Not their first one ever - if you didn’t include their punching match alongside the river, their first one ever had been their bitter standoff in the hospital all those years ago. Bad, but all said and done, easily resolved once the truth of their mistakes had come out.
Not their first fight since they’d started dating, either. That one had been in college, when Souji had gone to a party with his classmates and had come home utterly wasted and hanging off a stranger who had turned out to be his ex-boyfriend. But the fallout had withstood only a few days of Souji’s profuse apologies and sincere declarations - it was over between them and nothing had happened and his ex had just been making sure he arrived home safely after drinking so much, and his overindulgence had been his method of dealing with being in the same room with him for the first time since their breakup - until eventually Yosuke caved and forgave him. In those cases and in others like them, they’d made up and moved on, endured the normal turbulence experienced in friendship and in love and in the mixture of the two that defined their relationship, and otherwise got along as well as they always had.
Their first fight after he’d lost Susano-O, however, had been different. It was also the first of many Yosuke didn’t really remember having.
He blinks, and suddenly he’s standing in the kitchen, his head throbbing and his heart pounding and his throat strung tight like he’s been screaming, or trying not to cry, or both. Souji’s got him by the collar of his shirt, the fabric twisted tight between the fingers of his curled fists, pinning him against the counter and preventing his escape. And Souji’s face, always so passive and placid, is rippling like the Samegawa - this close, he can see the muscles working around his mouth as he clenches his teeth, around his eyes as they dart back and forth wildly between Yosuke’s, in his neck as he swallows thickly. He’s shaking, from head to toe. Yosuke’s shaking too, partly on his own, and partly from absorbing the tremors in Souji’s hands.
His eyes dart sideways. Nanako’s frozen in the doorway, a hand pressed over her mouth, eyes wide and streaming tears as she watches them.
Souji’s voice, when he speaks, isn’t anything louder than a strained whisper - but one Yosuke could have heard from clear across the room. Hoarsely, he says, “I think you should leave,” and it is not one bit a polite suggestion.
Yosuke swallows. Nods. Doesn’t really know if he’s leaving for a minute or an hour or a day or a week, or what will happen if he comes back earlier or later than he should. Souji’s fingers slacken around the fabric of his shirt, and Yosuke steps away, onto a broken shard of a glass he doesn’t remember holding or breaking (except now that he’s calming down, he does remember, remembers dropping it when Souji seized him, after he’d said -)
He doesn’t stay an extra minute to pack a bag. Doesn’t apologize yet. He wants to get it all straight in his head first, what happened, and it’s still taking its time coming together. It’s raining outside, cold and foggy, and his coat is draped across the back of a chair. He just grabs it and goes.
He stays with Chie for three days. She spends long hours at work, which is also what he does when he’s not holed up on her couch well into the night, trying to convince himself he really does remember everything, despite feeling like he doesn’t. There’s a fine distinction there that he can’t quite explain to Chie when she asks. He remembers breaking the glass. He remembers it because it happened, because there’s irrefutable evidence that he’d done it. It’s a memory like a snapshot of you after your fifth or sixth drink is a memory; he remembers that it happened - he just doesn’t remember doing it.
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Souji doesn’t take him back right away. They’ve argued before, but they’ve never been physically violent with each other, and he tells him it’s not something he takes lightly, especially not with Nanako in the house. Yosuke says he understands. Doesn’t try to explain that he didn’t mean to do it. He’s pretty sure that’s what they all say.
In the end, though, Yosuke apologizes, and Souji forgives him, and he returns home. All their past arguments had been followed by euphoric, reconciliatory periods of joking and affection and almost-worth-it make-up sex, but not this one. This one, they recover from slowly, circling around each other like injured animals, too concerned at first with tending their own wounds to see to the other’s. But eventually things fall back into place, like they’re starting from the beginning: affectionate words and smiles, then guarded touches and testing kisses, and when they finally work their way towards sex it’s a rebuilding of trust all over again.
That trust between them is something Yosuke is sure he can’t live without. He just wishes he knew why, then, he feels so compelled to sabotage it.
Compared to that, the dispute that followed the next day was a stroll in the park.
“-not what you said last night-“
“That was before you told me you blanked out, Yosuke-“
“-always do this, you always try to keep me locked up like some kind of helpless-“
“-don’t be ridiculous, I’m not doing anything like that. If you would just calm down-“
“I’m calm, okay?!”
“You’re yelling.”
“No I’m not!”
Souji’s sharp sigh and glare didn’t seem to cut as deeply as they used to; either he was getting sloppy and not putting the effort in anymore, or Yosuke was simply acclimatizing to being on the receiving end of that look. “I have to go to work,” he said, walking through the kitchen and toward the door with Yosuke on his heels. “Take it easy today, and think things through. We’ll talk later.”
Brushed off, just like that. Yosuke glared furiously at Souji’s back as he stooped in the porch to slip on his shoes. Why was he always the one who had to calm down, think, be reasonable, be wrong? Souji wasn’t perfect, no matter how hard he tried to look the part. He was just as capable of being wrong as anybody else, and if he was going to try and shut Yosuke down at every turn, then he intended to let him know that. “No,” Yosuke spat. “I’m not wrong on this one. God dammit, Souji, you need to let me do this!”
“Why?”
“What do you mean, ‘why’? Because we’re equals, remember? Or at least we’re supposed to be...”
Souji straightened up then, and faced him. “No, not that. I mean why do I need to ‘let’ you do this? You don’t need my permission. Ask Kanji or Chie or Yukiko to take you into the TV, if you’re so damn sure this is what you want. You don’t need my approval.”
Yosuke threw up his hands and floundered for words, and couldn’t find them. “Because… I-“
“Because my approval is what you want, right?” asked Souji, as he took a step closer. “You want to show me you can still fight, and that’s all you care about. You want to prove me wrong. You don’t care about what happens when you’re just a second too late or too slow or too fast, and then I’m the one who has to…“
“Has to what?” Yosuke prompted with a sneer. “Make up for me? Pick up the slack? Go on, say it!”
“Come back alone.”
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Souji sighed again - softer this time, signalling the end of a fight rather than the beginning of one - and the tension between them dissipated. Technically, Yosuke supposed, he’d lost the argument, but he wasn’t even sure anymore that it was one he’d wanted to have in the first place. “We are equals, Yosuke,” Souji insisted. “And we’re going to work together. You’re going to get Susano-O back, and I’m going to help you. Concentrate on that. Leave the fighting to me.”
Yosuke struggled to swallow the lump in his throat. It didn’t go down easy. This wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted it to be like old times, when Souji was his leader and he was the trusted second and they fought side by side instead of face to face. This wasn’t what he wanted at all. “But that’s not-“
“There’s more to this than killing shadows, okay? I can handle that. But you’re the only one who can handle this.” Souji tapped Yosuke’s temples lightly with two fingers on each side. “Throwing yourself into danger isn’t going to bring your Persona back, Yosuke. You need to do some hard thinking and figure this out. You want to help Teddie, and Nanako-chan? Then take care of this first, so that you’ll be ready when we really need to count on you.”
God damn Souji. Even when they fought, he always knew exactly what to say.
Souji leaned the last couple of inches toward him and bumped their foreheads together. It was a display of affection he had taken to lately, after they were done growling and spitting at each other, when things were too tense for a kiss but they still needed to know that they were okay. “Partners. Got it?”
“Yeah,” sighed Yosuke, closing his eyes and accepting, at least for the moment, that this was the way it had to be. “Got it.”
“Good.” Souji pecked him on the cheek, and then retrieved his briefcase from the table. “Now I really have to go. Kashiwagi likes to slip, um… pictures of herself into my desk when I’m late.”
Yosuke chuckled, despite not really wanting to. “Must be tough being the hottest and least crazy teacher in the whole school.”
“Least crazy, right. As long as we don’t talk about TV worlds and magical creatures living inside my head, I get to pretend that’s true. I’ll give you hottest, though.”
“Of course.”
Souji grinned. “See you tonight. Don’t forget to call the others - make sure they’re free to meet tonight so we can figure out what to do about finding Teddie.”
Yosuke said that he would, waved him off, and stood there alone in the kitchen for a minute after he was gone.
Let Souji do the fighting. Could he do that?
Yesterday’s ambush inside the TV proved that time and lack of use hadn’t diminished Souji’s battle skills in the slightest. He was still as sharp as his blade, his attacks both effortless and powerful, his movements quick and sure and graceful. On top of that, his Personas had leapt to his aid as soon as he’d called for them. He had so many other selves, too many for Yosuke to keep track of them all, but he knew everything about each of their strengths and weaknesses and could call upon just the right ones at just the right time. Yosuke was in awe of him, like he had been when they were kids - and maybe jealous of him just like he had been then, too.
He wanted so badly to help Souji fight. But the truth was that Souji simply didn’t need his help anymore.
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He reached out to push her door open, paused, and then drew his hand back without touching it, deciding it best not to disturb her. Nanako was all grown up, now. He still remembered when she’d barely stood up to his hips, all huge eyes and pigtails, and bright laughter that had faded into deep sadness after she’d lost her father. She used to need him, too, he thought. Maybe not as much as she’d needed Souji, but he’d still been there for her, especially when Souji couldn’t be. Now she was ready to leave home, go off to college, find a job, marry some kid, raise one of her own. Maybe. Admittedly, he hadn’t exactly followed through with those plans himself, but in a way, he supposed he had.
And now she was leaving. He’d done his job, as best as he could manage, and now she didn’t need him anymore.
It seemed like he wasn’t needed anywhere.
“Yosuke-nii, you’re being creepy.”
Suddenly remembering that he was still hovering outside her room, Yosuke pushed Nanako’s door open and grinned at her. “Yeah, well, that’s me.”
“What were you doing?”
He shrugged. “Just… thinking. You need a hand with anything?”
“Not really. You can come keep my floor warm, though.”
She patted the scant space on the floor next to her that wasn’t covered in things that had been torn out of their comfortable spaces in closets and shelves and dressers. He gingerly stepped over her belongings, managing to knock down only one of the piles before settling down cross-legged in the tiny bare spot, his back resting against the wall. It reminded him of Souji’s old room at Dojima’s house, right before he’d returned to the city: ordered chaos, like a well-mannered tornado had dropped by for a visit. Yosuke remembered the way his gut had twisted when he’d seen all those boxes and all that empty space, remembered the way he hadn’t known at the time what that feeling really meant. He knew better, now.
“Those boxes I stacked in the closet are for charity,” said Nanako. “Just in case big bro forgets. The ones under the window are books and stuff I can’t take with me and want to keep here.”
“You’re getting rid of a lot of stuff, huh?”
She shrugged, and smiled. “It seemed like a good time to clear some things out. And now if you guys want to move to another place, you won’t have to worry as much about what to do with my things.”
“Why would we want to move? I like it here.”
She glanced at him, and then went back to arranging the items in her box as tightly as possible for the most efficient use of space. He wanted to whip out his phone and take a picture of it and send it to Souji, who would be so very proud of her. “No reason,” she said airily. “You were staying in Inaba for me, really, so I just figured you might want to go somewhere else now that you can.”
“Haven’t really thought about it,” he lied.
She continued to scrounge for things to pack into what little space was left, and then asked him to pass her the scissors and packing tape. In an effort to make himself useful, Yosuke started peeling off pieces of tape and handing them to her as she needed them. They worked together in silence for a few minutes, before Nanako said quietly, “Yosuke-nii?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you and big bro… going to break up?”
Yosuke flinched, and pretended like he was surprised to hear the question. “What?”
“Sorry. Sometimes you don’t seem very happy together anymore. I was just wondering.”
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But in the end, in his mind, the only thing worse than what he was going through was to go through it without them, and he knew that leaving was not an option. He just hoped that Souji felt the same way.
“I don’t want to,” he answered at last. “And I don’t think Souji wants to either. We’re just… having a hard time right now, Nanako-chan. Lots of people do after they’ve been together for a while.”
“Yeah,” said Nanako. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I heard you fighting again this morning, so I got a little worried. And I was wondering if you even still wanted to be here or not.”
His chest seemed to tighten with every word out of her mouth. Why did he have to be so stupid? Why did he have to get so angry over nothing? How many arguments had she overheard, and how many times had he made her worry needlessly? “Nanako-chan… of course I do. Look, I know things seem bad right now, but I promise: I love Souji, okay? I’m not going to give up, no matter how bad it gets. This is my fault, and I have to fix it.”
Her blunt silence indicated her agreement with that assessment. Yosuke tried not to be hurt by it, and continued.
“We’ve been through worse before and gotten through, so don’t worry about us. You’re gonna have enough to think about when you get to school, y’know? I’ll fix this somehow.”
Nanako smiled. “Dad used to say that all the time. I’ll fix this somehow. I’ll make it up to you. I’ll make it better.”
Yosuke grimaced. He always seemed to trigger those sorts of memories without ever meaning to. “Sorry, Nanako-chan, I didn’t mean-“
“No, it’s okay. It just made me think. Even if it took him a while to learn how, he really did try to make things better. Little things, in his own way. He’d bring home dinner, or carry me on his shoulders, or read me a story when he got home from work.” She smiled up at him. “Big bro would probably like that, too.”
“He’s a bit big to carry on my shoulders. He’d probably like a story, though.”
“Yosuke-nii!”
“I get it,” Yosuke chuckled. “You’re saying I should make it up to him if I’m feeling so awful about it?”
“It can’t hurt to try.”
“Any suggestions?”
She bit her lower lip and looked around, searching among the sealed boxes and old belongings for inspiration. She suddenly gasped and dove for one of the open cartons, producing from it a raggedy-looking stuffed cat, which she thrust toward him.
“…You want me to give him Nyaoya?” Yosuke guessed uncertainly.
“No!” she exclaimed, clutching the poor bedraggled thing close to her chest. “Mai-chan’s cat had kittens a while ago. Now that I won’t be here to sneeze my face off, you should get one for him.”
“Hey, that’s… actually not a bad idea. Maybe he’ll stop feeding the neighbourhood strays if he’s got one of his own.”
“Well, I wouldn’t count on that…”
“…Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“So should I let Mai-chan know you want one?”
Yosuke shook his head. “Not yet. Let’s go to Junes first and pick up some cat food or something, just to give Souji the idea. He’ll kill me if he doesn’t get to pick the thing out himself.”
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“Anything we’re forgetting?” Yosuke asked. “What else do cats like?”
“Cats don’t like anything. I think we’re okay.”
“Thanks for this, Nanako-chan,” said Yosuke. She tilted her head curiously, so he elaborated. “I know you don’t like to see us argue, so I’ll try harder to make things better… Or we’ll have a dozen cats by the time you get back, either one.”
“Don’t joke about that. We already do. We really need to stop him from feeding those feral ones, they’re getting big enough to take on the shrine foxes…”
As they headed for the checkout, a commotion rose up near the customer service desk. A small crowd of people were gathered there, surrounding something in a semi-circle and whispering excitedly to each other. Curious, they made a detour to see what was happening, and as they drew closer to the group, Yosuke thought he caught sight of a startlingly familiar blue and red outfit.
“Is that…?” he whispered.
“Teddie!” Nanako squeaked, dropping the bag of litter she’d been holding and shoving her way through the crowd to get to him. Yosuke threw his own armload of supplies down and followed through the gap she’d created in the throng, but the initial rush of joy at finding Teddie safe was short-lived, lasting only until he laid eyes upon him.
Teddie’s suit was frayed and singed, dirty and tattered all over. The customers were chattering to him and about him, as it was his first appearance in Junes in over a year, but instead of soaking up the attention and adoration with his usual lack of modesty, Teddie was almost doubled over, barely seeming to notice any of them were there.
“Ted?” Yosuke asked, his wide grin shrinking into a frown. “Are you okay?”
When Teddie turned toward the sound of Yosuke’s voice, he lost his already precarious balance and stumbled, and Yosuke was barely able to catch him before he hit the floor.
“Something’s wrong!” Nanako gasped as she moved to help Yosuke support him.
“Let’s get him outside.”
They hurried him down to the lobby and then out onto the sidewalk, away from the crowd of onlookers. When Teddie was safely sitting on the ground and propped against the building, Yosuke fumbled for the zipper securing the head of his mascot costume to the body and pulled.
Nanako yelped, and covered her mouth with her hands.
“Holy shit… Ted!” Yosuke tossed the costume head aside and reached for Teddie, who was almost unable to stay upright inside the suit. His body was as battered as his costume - blood was everywhere, streaming down his face and matting his hair and soaking into the fabric. His head lolled onto his shoulder when Yosuke moved him; he was conscious, but just barely. “Ted, wake up! Teddie!”
Nanako called an ambulance before Yosuke was even over his shock, before he could even figure out if calling one was the right thing to do, but it still took too long to arrive. He texted everyone he could think of on the way to the hospital, hoping that somebody could make it and they wouldn’t have to face the hospital staff’s uncomfortable questions alone.
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10:52
found ted in junes, hurt bad, come 2 hospital
Replies trickled in as the minutes unfolded.
Tatsumi_Kanji
12:08
on my way
Matsushita_Rise
12:15
omg, is he ok???? Im in Tokyo, coming to Okina next week.
Txt me as soon as u know what’s up!!!!
Shirogane_Naoto
12:18
b there tomorrow. inform if ne thing changes
Satonaka_Chie
12: 32
TED?! omg be right there!!! getting yukiko!!!
“Yosuke-nii, you didn’t have to send it to me, I’m sitting right here,” said Nanako, when she checked her phone more than two hours later.
“Oh - yeah, I just… mass texted everyone. Sorry.” Yosuke’s phone buzzed in his hand, signalling an incoming message. He flipped it open immediately, and breathed a sigh of relief to see who it was from.
Seta_Souji
13:09
Stay calm. I’ll be right there.
______
A part of me died inside when that text from Naoto arrived before Christmas Eve. Even ace detectives think proper spelling and grammar are for chumps.
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Naoto's text killed me too T.T Not all people text like they have allergies to grammar and spelling, Atlus.
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SRSLY. I've always assumed Souji would do it properly, but if Naoto's not safe from textfail, then who is?
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Man, as always, you're just amazing, anon. You do such a good job of portraying a strained relationship, but still showing the love there. It's the little things.
Teddie! T.T
I try to tell myself that she's just being efficient, rather than it being fail.
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And oh no, Teddie! Evil cliffhanger T_T
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The S/Y moment was endearing and yet sharp. It felt like my heart was stabbed like WHOA when Souji said "Come back alone" DDDDDD: I am a hardcore Yosuke-fan and I tend to take his side whenever I read a fic, but for this once.. I don't know. Oh, why do I have the feeling this is going to be hard on both Souji and Yosuke? I mean, of course it's going to be, but~~ arr. I don't know, I don't even. Anon, this is just brilliant, the building mysteries and suspense and the atmosphere of serenity and yet it feels like something really, really bad is going to happen, and. Fffffff, anon, I can't wait for the next installment~~~
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come back to us sometime, and take care meanwhile. ♥
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