bitches brew

[badasscatholic]

depravity and desolance reign once again inside my turbulent brain. i had assumed that the writing institute would have helped, and it did, but now that i'm back here i can't help being sad about people. i can't help feeling as if i'm alone in everything. I can't help but imagine my life as a negative slope, where every previous point is higher up than te present one. according to my irrational mind, everybody hates me. i, of course, know this isn't true, but such a suppressed obsession will always become a full-fledged phobia, with all of the recurring mannerisms and re-assurances to prove it. no matter what i'm doing i feel as if it's not enough, as if there's a higher standard i must reach. i need to not worry, but to do such a thing is a feat itself, and to sustain lack-of-worry for long enough to ingrain this new habbit indelibly in the mind is nearly impossible. even in the summer.
goddamn summer for being so great, because when it isn't i am a failure. no more inside jokes, no more chats, no more friends. that's how i feel right now.