Musings
Been having lots of thoughts - just self searching in many areas.
Guess one of them is with work. Right now I'm designing an iPad app to help with inventory of electronic components, and helping to set up the inventory system. As much as I want to design and write an app, I don't know if I'd consider it as substantive work. I kinda wrestled with that, I wanted to do real bad ass engineering work, and writing app for work is kinda ... pansy lol. There's two trains of thoughts I'm wrestling with - work is scarce, I need to do an attitude change - at least I'm on a project and I have work. Or I shouldn't settle on some random work, look for something - which may not even be an option. I'm not typically one to settle on something. Though I've wanted to write an app - for a hobby. So I'm a little conflicted.
I led bible study this past Friday with Amanda. In the past months, I've been teaching jr. high Sunday school, now I'm leading bible study in the recent weeks. So basically right now I'm feeling really exhausted in a leading capacity - at least there's an end after this week. Today had a mini-meeting with Amanda and Priscilla over the feedback we got. I did mention that I get really self conscientious when I lead, like I'll stumble over words, and I get flustered easily. It's embarrassing - I have no control over it when it does happen, I just shorten what I have to say so I don't have to feel worst about myself. At times, I know I have moments where I'm just not good at expressing myself with words, never really been my friend. One comment Priscilla made was that I view things from a really simplistic view, and some people may have trouble with that. That wasn't exactly shocking, but I was surprised to hear it from her - it's something I'm pretty aware of, I thought about it awhile ago though I haven't thought about it recently. I've wrestled with it in the past, I feel recently it's coming back to haunt me again. It wasn't in a leading bible study sense before, it was pertaining to school and work. Some words my dad has said in the past, is the most powerful to me ... that there's no wrong in thinking, only different, when I totally thought there was something wrong with me.
I'm thinking of applying for the Osielle ambassador program. Right now I'd like to do it - I won't get my hopes up, but it looks interesting. I think I'm getting a better grip on my self confidence right now, it just plummeted after the new year, I really don't know why.
Guess one of them is with work. Right now I'm designing an iPad app to help with inventory of electronic components, and helping to set up the inventory system. As much as I want to design and write an app, I don't know if I'd consider it as substantive work. I kinda wrestled with that, I wanted to do real bad ass engineering work, and writing app for work is kinda ... pansy lol. There's two trains of thoughts I'm wrestling with - work is scarce, I need to do an attitude change - at least I'm on a project and I have work. Or I shouldn't settle on some random work, look for something - which may not even be an option. I'm not typically one to settle on something. Though I've wanted to write an app - for a hobby. So I'm a little conflicted.
I led bible study this past Friday with Amanda. In the past months, I've been teaching jr. high Sunday school, now I'm leading bible study in the recent weeks. So basically right now I'm feeling really exhausted in a leading capacity - at least there's an end after this week. Today had a mini-meeting with Amanda and Priscilla over the feedback we got. I did mention that I get really self conscientious when I lead, like I'll stumble over words, and I get flustered easily. It's embarrassing - I have no control over it when it does happen, I just shorten what I have to say so I don't have to feel worst about myself. At times, I know I have moments where I'm just not good at expressing myself with words, never really been my friend. One comment Priscilla made was that I view things from a really simplistic view, and some people may have trouble with that. That wasn't exactly shocking, but I was surprised to hear it from her - it's something I'm pretty aware of, I thought about it awhile ago though I haven't thought about it recently. I've wrestled with it in the past, I feel recently it's coming back to haunt me again. It wasn't in a leading bible study sense before, it was pertaining to school and work. Some words my dad has said in the past, is the most powerful to me ... that there's no wrong in thinking, only different, when I totally thought there was something wrong with me.
I'm thinking of applying for the Osielle ambassador program. Right now I'd like to do it - I won't get my hopes up, but it looks interesting. I think I'm getting a better grip on my self confidence right now, it just plummeted after the new year, I really don't know why.