Repetition: The Story of My Life.
Well, I have been attempting to post an entry virtually all of yesterday and today, but I seem to have been distracted in a different way each time.
It has been roughly a month and a half since Bellwood became a part of my past. I feel as though so much more time has passed than that. This never ceases to lead me to the ever-popular time rant. However, I will stop myself before I start this time.
I try so hard to be nice. It is more or less the basis of my being. I feel responsible for the happiness, well-being, and decisions of everyone. And for what reason? Do I even get so much as the same in return? No. Do I get appreciation? No. A thank you? Acknowledgement? No; no. Is it simply the warm feeling of helping out another being? Hardly. What is it? I wish I knew.
Things are feeling shaky in every aspect of my life at the time being. Everything is so hot or cold; up and down; back and forth. I have fallen victim to apathy yet again, but only to a point. If I could just cross the line, everything would be okay. So many aspects of my personality, itself, are contrasting that it is inevitable for something to conflict.
Nearly everyone is bothering me. The majority of people just disgust me. It is as simple as that. Honestly. This is real life; wake up. Though I cannot say that I don't wish I was in a coma from time to time. However, I am not and neither are you ("you" here refers to the majority of people that disgust me) so as I said, wake up.
I will never understand why I cannot have what I want, or why things will not always be the way that I want them to be. I am okay with the possibility that I could one day be of countless people who "go crazy" trying to find the answers to these questions. I could also find the so-called key to happiness. To my happiness, that is. Not necessarily yours or the next person's. In fact, I think I may have just stumbled upon something right there. And with that...
It has been roughly a month and a half since Bellwood became a part of my past. I feel as though so much more time has passed than that. This never ceases to lead me to the ever-popular time rant. However, I will stop myself before I start this time.
I try so hard to be nice. It is more or less the basis of my being. I feel responsible for the happiness, well-being, and decisions of everyone. And for what reason? Do I even get so much as the same in return? No. Do I get appreciation? No. A thank you? Acknowledgement? No; no. Is it simply the warm feeling of helping out another being? Hardly. What is it? I wish I knew.
Things are feeling shaky in every aspect of my life at the time being. Everything is so hot or cold; up and down; back and forth. I have fallen victim to apathy yet again, but only to a point. If I could just cross the line, everything would be okay. So many aspects of my personality, itself, are contrasting that it is inevitable for something to conflict.
Nearly everyone is bothering me. The majority of people just disgust me. It is as simple as that. Honestly. This is real life; wake up. Though I cannot say that I don't wish I was in a coma from time to time. However, I am not and neither are you ("you" here refers to the majority of people that disgust me) so as I said, wake up.
I will never understand why I cannot have what I want, or why things will not always be the way that I want them to be. I am okay with the possibility that I could one day be of countless people who "go crazy" trying to find the answers to these questions. I could also find the so-called key to happiness. To my happiness, that is. Not necessarily yours or the next person's. In fact, I think I may have just stumbled upon something right there. And with that...