(no subject)
No, you cannot be a magic, abandoned dragon princess who was raised by dragons. For no apparent reason. Oh, wait, I forgot you took extra levels in DM's Girlfriend. Who needs rules? Hell, just make her go from annoyingly stupid and naive to sage-like and informed at the drop of a hat. Did you already do that? Sweet, knife-sighting Shiva, it's like you took levels in Psychic too!
If you ever claim that Princess can smell that Lady is undead when she has enough charms and magic items to pretty up an entire kingdom, I will slap you. If Princess ever claims that she can smell "when someone's heart isn't beating" again, my archer will personally take Princess out back and re-enact Old Yeller with her.
Archer will not do some stupid little dance to summon powers just so you can pretend our game is a JRPG, DM Cloud. Stop trying to make it Final Fantasy: D&D Edition. I don't care how fucked we are against your overpowered monsters. I don't care if we've killed the last true king of Fuckeddom, split up the land, and now all rule equal shares. He doesn't double as Sailor Archer. Knock it off.
Lion is a tiger. Yes, I know he's named after another animal. This is mostly because Archer sucks at names and it makes me laugh. Now, Lion is a pretty mellow big cat, and yes, Lady gets to sit next to him, pet him, and use him as a pillow. Lion is occasionally told to babysit Shadow and keep him from moving. Do you know why Princess isn't allowed around Lion? It's not because he's an extremely dangerous animal that might attack poor, little Princess. It's because Princess tried to feed him seagull corpses and dead monsters. Stop narrating like Archer is trying to protect your goddamn Princess when he pulls Lion away. He's protecting Lion.
Openly stating that RP is worthless without romance makes me nervous about playing with you. Especially when you keep drawing our characters together. Or talking about hypothetical pairings. Pairings that will never happen because no one cares about romance but you.
Cloud, if you wanted our characters to meet their gods, why not tell us earlier so we could write it in their histories? Randomly informing us that their gods all dropped in to say hi, even to those characters that just worship out of habit or don't believe, is kind of annoying.
What is the point of being level 20 when everyone on this stupid island is at least level 20? Shadow can't even charm a shopkeeper and got arrested immediately when he cast an illusion because he got pissed. His punishment? He was promptly sentenced to death. Valhalla Island is not a fun place to play. Stop the campaign, Cloud, I want to get off.
Elf Nam was an OOC joke. The actual war, the one that gave my character a lovely case of PTSD? Not called Elf Nam. It has also never been mentioned in the game. The only one who even knows about that war is Shadow, because he's from the same kingdom that Archer is. Shadow's brother was in the same war. His player discussed it with me out of character, he has permission to bring it up and he will, because he's the fucking bard. Your character? Miss Isolated-I-Was-Raised-By-Dragons-Secret-Warrior-Princess? She would have no fucking idea about a recent Elf-Orc conflict. It's been over for five years, so it's not exactly making scroll headlines anymore. So, Princess, if you ever randomly bring Elf Nam up again, or godmode my character having notches in his ears from the conflict, Archer will put an arrow between your stupid sapphire eyes.
Hey, Cloud. Remember at the beginning of this little adventure when you had us add up all these misc. numbers? You said lower was better. Archer and Lady scored the lowest. According to you and your magical point system, that meant we should be getting more experience and screwed over less. Yet, somehow, mysteriously, your girlfriend keeps getting the most experience and the best loot. See, that's kind of strange, because for the last...all of the encounters, Lady and Archer have been the ONLY ones doing damage. Shadow's a healer, not a fighter, but Princess has magical katanas. Even forgetting your stupid point system, we should be getting more experience than Princess, who stands around and waits until things attack her.
And despite all of this, we were going to give the game another shot. We were willing to play the part of bright-eyed, annoying optimists and then dearest Cloud sent us all a message on facebook. This message informed us we’re not allowed to joke OOC about the campaign. No jokes. At all. Not during the campaign, not after it.
Do you hear that? That’s what it sounds like when an entire party quits simultaneously.
If you ever claim that Princess can smell that Lady is undead when she has enough charms and magic items to pretty up an entire kingdom, I will slap you. If Princess ever claims that she can smell "when someone's heart isn't beating" again, my archer will personally take Princess out back and re-enact Old Yeller with her.
Archer will not do some stupid little dance to summon powers just so you can pretend our game is a JRPG, DM Cloud. Stop trying to make it Final Fantasy: D&D Edition. I don't care how fucked we are against your overpowered monsters. I don't care if we've killed the last true king of Fuckeddom, split up the land, and now all rule equal shares. He doesn't double as Sailor Archer. Knock it off.
Lion is a tiger. Yes, I know he's named after another animal. This is mostly because Archer sucks at names and it makes me laugh. Now, Lion is a pretty mellow big cat, and yes, Lady gets to sit next to him, pet him, and use him as a pillow. Lion is occasionally told to babysit Shadow and keep him from moving. Do you know why Princess isn't allowed around Lion? It's not because he's an extremely dangerous animal that might attack poor, little Princess. It's because Princess tried to feed him seagull corpses and dead monsters. Stop narrating like Archer is trying to protect your goddamn Princess when he pulls Lion away. He's protecting Lion.
Openly stating that RP is worthless without romance makes me nervous about playing with you. Especially when you keep drawing our characters together. Or talking about hypothetical pairings. Pairings that will never happen because no one cares about romance but you.
Cloud, if you wanted our characters to meet their gods, why not tell us earlier so we could write it in their histories? Randomly informing us that their gods all dropped in to say hi, even to those characters that just worship out of habit or don't believe, is kind of annoying.
What is the point of being level 20 when everyone on this stupid island is at least level 20? Shadow can't even charm a shopkeeper and got arrested immediately when he cast an illusion because he got pissed. His punishment? He was promptly sentenced to death. Valhalla Island is not a fun place to play. Stop the campaign, Cloud, I want to get off.
Elf Nam was an OOC joke. The actual war, the one that gave my character a lovely case of PTSD? Not called Elf Nam. It has also never been mentioned in the game. The only one who even knows about that war is Shadow, because he's from the same kingdom that Archer is. Shadow's brother was in the same war. His player discussed it with me out of character, he has permission to bring it up and he will, because he's the fucking bard. Your character? Miss Isolated-I-Was-Raised-By-Dragons-Secret-Warrior-Princess? She would have no fucking idea about a recent Elf-Orc conflict. It's been over for five years, so it's not exactly making scroll headlines anymore. So, Princess, if you ever randomly bring Elf Nam up again, or godmode my character having notches in his ears from the conflict, Archer will put an arrow between your stupid sapphire eyes.
Hey, Cloud. Remember at the beginning of this little adventure when you had us add up all these misc. numbers? You said lower was better. Archer and Lady scored the lowest. According to you and your magical point system, that meant we should be getting more experience and screwed over less. Yet, somehow, mysteriously, your girlfriend keeps getting the most experience and the best loot. See, that's kind of strange, because for the last...all of the encounters, Lady and Archer have been the ONLY ones doing damage. Shadow's a healer, not a fighter, but Princess has magical katanas. Even forgetting your stupid point system, we should be getting more experience than Princess, who stands around and waits until things attack her.
And despite all of this, we were going to give the game another shot. We were willing to play the part of bright-eyed, annoying optimists and then dearest Cloud sent us all a message on facebook. This message informed us we’re not allowed to joke OOC about the campaign. No jokes. At all. Not during the campaign, not after it.
Do you hear that? That’s what it sounds like when an entire party quits simultaneously.