What is his problem again? If he really needed to have it in his app that his is has a huge dick then I am sure there would be another part where he could have added that with out being offending.
It's a fandom meme that's rather popular (not specifically "male because [length]", just "he has [length]") - but yeah, there might've been other fields for it. And honestly, I'm tired of the joke.
It was merely a joke quoting a meme from the fandom. As stated on another comment, I couldn't care less about penis sizes OOC. It never crossed my mind anyone would get offended by that meme, if I knew it would I certainly wouldn't use it. But I need a bit more of an explanation than what was first stated to really get what I did bad there, since once again I never considered it to be potentially offensive, especially not to transgendered people.
I'd rather have an explanation on why it's offensive. If I told you that your icon was offensive to me without giving a real reason, would you really remove it without asking? It's mostly what happened here. I asked for an explanation on the offensive nature of it, and then it became some kind of big misunderstanding. Now that I know just why it offended her, since she did explain afterward, I'll know to be more careful with it, and know just why I'm doing it. And may avoid other situations of the like.
Wouldn't you remove it and then ask for clarification? If you're so worried about not offending people like your previous comment suggested, why leave it up there if there's a chance it is?
I can't fault you on not understanding or wanting an explanation, that's perfectly reasonable. But digging your heels in and refusing to take it down out of sheer spite because you're bothered about being called on transphobic language is ridiculous and childish.
I also explained on some other comment that in this specific case removing it would lead to more bother afterward somehow. And in that case, to me, it looked more like one person didn't like the meme and found a good excuse to take it down, instead of being really offended by it, at least at first. Now that we talked about it a bit more, she explained, I apologized for offending her, and the misunderstanding is coming close to being solved.
(And yes, I realize you may not have said those exact words but from what both of you have said in comments to this post it looks closer to option 2 than option 1 in spirit)
I won't deny it is closer to the option two. Since as I stated it, it really looked more like she disliked the meme somehow, and wanted it taken away. Now you're allowed I'm being a jerk for it, I know I'm trying not to be one and managed to be really polite all along our exchange and really was asking what was really wrong with it since I genuinely didn't think it'd be offensive to anyone to begin with. What I'll admit is the fact I am stubborn, but I said before I was wrong too on that point.
Hahaha, so it does! And yeah, that's what it's supposed to be. I do a lot of ( ._.)-based smileys (picked the habit up from a friend who calls them "beens" after a pet tarantula), so I'm used to them, but you're right, totes Kirby
I'm glad it's being resolved. However, I do disagree with you talking about it "being more bother". I assume you're talking about taking it out, joining, and then leaving because you might disagree? I don't see how removing it and then asking for clarification would be any more work for you than refusing to remove it and still asking for clarification.
In future it might do you good not to jump down someone's throat if they call you on privileged language. Anyone can trip up and say something stupid, but the real measure is if you can check yourself, apologize and learn from it.
It would be more of a bother to everyone, I think. Members who see a character they'd like to rp with (it's canon characters, so some of them are canonly related and may be wanting that specific character to appear) and being disappointed by said character joining to quit, the admins who have to sort out thing to make sure the character appear in the game really (in this case they have dorms and classes, it's not long to change it but still somewhat of a bother to do it for nothing) and for me to create an account, verify it, then delete it.
And I didn't jump at her throat per say, I really just asked for more informations and once again it led to a misunderstanding. I also apologized, more than once, when it was said it really wasn't just her disliking a meme and being really offended.
As a mod, I'd honestly rather have an apper cause me a bit of extra paperwork than sass me and challenge me right off the bat on something offensive that's personal to me. I can't speak for the OP, but that's my personal take on it, and it sounds like a pretty weak excuse.
Is this a panfandom game? If it is, what gave you the impression that the mod would even know what the meme was? Regardless, a meme can still be offensive and a mod has every right to call a player on privileged language and behavior. I've done it myself, I had to ask a very sweet player to stop using the word "fag" over our Wiki. The fact that she didn't intend to offend our LGBT players didn't come into it; she did, and so she was asked to stop. She apologized profusely and removed all occurrences immediately. That's how you should deal with being called on offensive language.
Oh god, I am so fucking guilty of overusing the word "fag". I don't find it personally offensive to myself, but the instant somebody else says they're offended by it I apologize and stop saying it around them. My usage of it is partly because I've spent time on *chans, where, for instance, an artist is a "drawfag" and an author is a "writefag" and so on - this ends with me being used to using it in a way that actually doesn't mean "gay person and being gay is bad" - but I completely recognize that to a hell of a lot of people that's exactly what it means, and I try to be sensitive to that. Actually, I try not to say it around people I don't already know to begin with, because it can make them get the wrong impression of me. The folks I'm close to know how I mean it and don't mind it, because we are close to each other and understand each other - which is something I can't and shouldn't count on with strangers
( ... )
What is his problem again? If he really needed to have it in his app that his is has a huge dick then I am sure there would be another part where he could have added that with out being offending.
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What?
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Wouldn't you remove it and then ask for clarification? If you're so worried about not offending people like your previous comment suggested, why leave it up there if there's a chance it is?
I can't fault you on not understanding or wanting an explanation, that's perfectly reasonable. But digging your heels in and refusing to take it down out of sheer spite because you're bothered about being called on transphobic language is ridiculous and childish.
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And in that case, to me, it looked more like one person didn't like the meme and found a good excuse to take it down, instead of being really offended by it, at least at first.
Now that we talked about it a bit more, she explained, I apologized for offending her, and the misunderstanding is coming close to being solved.
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OPTION 1
A: i find this offensive
B: oh I'M SORRY let me take that out but could you also explain why so i don't offend you again?
OPTION 2
A: i find this offensive
B: well i'm not going to take it out until you explain why <(._.)>
one of these is being a nice person who is sensitive to others' feelings and the other one makes you kind of look like a jerk honestly
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In future it might do you good not to jump down someone's throat if they call you on privileged language. Anyone can trip up and say something stupid, but the real measure is if you can check yourself, apologize and learn from it.
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And I didn't jump at her throat per say, I really just asked for more informations and once again it led to a misunderstanding. I also apologized, more than once, when it was said it really wasn't just her disliking a meme and being really offended.
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Is this a panfandom game? If it is, what gave you the impression that the mod would even know what the meme was? Regardless, a meme can still be offensive and a mod has every right to call a player on privileged language and behavior. I've done it myself, I had to ask a very sweet player to stop using the word "fag" over our Wiki. The fact that she didn't intend to offend our LGBT players didn't come into it; she did, and so she was asked to stop. She apologized profusely and removed all occurrences immediately. That's how you should deal with being called on offensive language.
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