A letter I've been dying to get out
This particular RPer was my first and by FAR the worst. Then again, I was in what, maybe 6th grade and I found "him" on Neopets, so of course this would be my worst experience.
Dear "Joel",
I put your name in quotation marks because I know that wasn't really your name. I know for a fact that your "wife" was really you as you were always conveniently on her account whenever I tried to use her to get ahold of you about important things (like your account getting banned). I also know that you aren't an Asian British guy. How? Later on in life I saw the pictures that you showed me of you and your friend "Gavin" and, goodness me, it was a picture of a J-Rock band. I guess in the late nineties it was easy to get away with that as Japanese music wasn't as popular (or hell, even known) back then as it is now. Or maybe it was, but it definitely wasn't to me. That aside, I do have to thank you for doing absolutely everything wrong when it came to RPing, because it taught me to Never Do Those Things. A list shall we? Because lists are fun.
1) Getting angry, I mean REALLY angry at me whenever I had to step away from the computer. At the time we RPed it was the age of dial-up, this means that whenever I was online RPing with you, phone calls would not go through to the house nor go out. This was, quite obviously, A Problem. Some times I would have to disconnect for a bit. Sometimes you were okay with this.
It shouldn't have been just "sometimes". For whatever reason you refused to grasp that RL things, ANY RL thing could possibly be more urgent and important than RP. If it was a few minutes, you'd be fine. If it was longer than 5 or 10, you would spew molten passive agressive acid all over my face.
Every. Single. Time.
Dinner? I came back to you being a dick both IC and OOC (I'll get to that jewel later). Had to go to the store? I cam back to you ignoring me. Homework? I came back to you chewing me out for being gone so long. And as a child I was heart broken by your words. I wanted your approval, I wanted your friendship, and every single time you didn't get what you wanted, you took it away from me and replaced it with abuse. It still boggles me how verbally and emotionally abusive you were over fucking RP. You made me believe that the internet and RP were the Most Important Things In Life (a thought that took me until late late in high school to get out of my head, that's how deeply ingrained it was) and that if I didn't cater to what you wanted to do RIGHT THEN and didn't make time for YOU that I was the scum of the earth. My self-esteem has never been so battered by a total stranger and I wish to all the heavens in all universes that I could find you and make you feel my karmic fists.
(But I can't. And that's probably for the better. Because this letter will hopefully let me let it all go.)
2) Your double standards about the above. If I wanted to RP and you didn't, heaven FORBID I expressed even a tad bit of disappointment. The slightest expression of sadness on my end would send you into a FRENZIED RAGE about how I was being pushy and how fucking RUDE of me. And if you disappeared for an hour+ after a "oh be back in 5" and I asked "hey what happened, where were you?" I got torn apart for being nosey and impatient.
I was nothing but polite to you, I was nothing but understanding. I couldn't get an OUNCE of that from you in return.
3) Your misguided notion (see: fucking bullshit) that an RP partner who also cares about you is a punching bag. The more I think back on all this the more I realize that you had some Serious Problems. I can't fathom what, but they were definitely anger related. If you ever had a bad day? You took it out on Every Single One of your RP partners. I know this because we formed a little group to try and clean each others' wounds from all of your abuse. And from talking with them I know I got the worst of it, because I was the biggest sap, the biggest sucker, the biggest doormat. And somehow, you managed to make it so that I felt like your bad mood was All My Fault (perhaps it wasn't so hard considering I was a child pining for friendship and approval). Furthermore, not only did you take it out on me in regular conversation, but you also managed to drag your petty shit into RP. Which brings me to point 4.
4) You could never EVER separate OOC from IC. As aforementioned, if "Joel" had a bad day? The character would be a raging douchetool. If "Joel" had an issue with me? The character would have an issue with mine. You were positively incapable of separating how you felt from how your character felt. So even if I tried to lighten your mood by RPing with you, to take your mind off of your shitty day, it would just be the same abusive song and dance. I tried to help and got stuck with a double whammy. (Thankfully, towards the end of things I wised up and stopped doing that. And to this day I will not, under any circumstances, RP with someone I find to be in a terrible mood, nor will I RP if I am in a terrible mood. Call it being precautious.)
On a more lulzy (and also disturbing note), you would frequently replace my character's name with mine. Often during sexual scenes (Note: I was pretending to me much older than I was and by RPing sex scenes I was trying to be mature, judge me all you want, I was a preteen). Back then I felt flattered. Now? I feel dirty and vaguely concerned for the people you surround yourself with. And speaking of sexual scenes:
5) You ALWAYS wanted to RP them. Except when you didn't. Then you accused me of wanting to RP them too much and not actual plot. Again. Things were somehow always My Fault and never Yours. You were never accountable for anything. Not your words, your actions, nothing. I hope you never have children. And if you do, that you're not the one raising them.
6) You pit everyone who RPed with you against each other. And oh were you good at that (then again, you probably surrounded yourself with those types (see: kids/immature people) because that made it oh so easy). You played favorites so hard that nepotism is an understatement. You would shower one person and their character with so much attention and blatantly ignore the rest of us so that we would fight with the favorite (and every one else who wanted attention from you) and thus: give you and your character more attention. Yes it was suck on our part for getting jealous (and yes, I do know that there was a good deal of suck on my part for many things during these years, but at least all that could be chalked up to inexperience and not being a completely horrific human being), but who wouldn't? You were rather charismatic (again, back then, I don't think that now) and withdrew EVERYTHING, even OOC attention. People tend to fight for the attention of charismatic people.
So. That's the last of the points that I can think of. But a letter wouldn't be a letter without a witty closing remark so:
Hope You Get Fisted By Karma Without Lube,
Me.
Dear "Joel",
I put your name in quotation marks because I know that wasn't really your name. I know for a fact that your "wife" was really you as you were always conveniently on her account whenever I tried to use her to get ahold of you about important things (like your account getting banned). I also know that you aren't an Asian British guy. How? Later on in life I saw the pictures that you showed me of you and your friend "Gavin" and, goodness me, it was a picture of a J-Rock band. I guess in the late nineties it was easy to get away with that as Japanese music wasn't as popular (or hell, even known) back then as it is now. Or maybe it was, but it definitely wasn't to me. That aside, I do have to thank you for doing absolutely everything wrong when it came to RPing, because it taught me to Never Do Those Things. A list shall we? Because lists are fun.
1) Getting angry, I mean REALLY angry at me whenever I had to step away from the computer. At the time we RPed it was the age of dial-up, this means that whenever I was online RPing with you, phone calls would not go through to the house nor go out. This was, quite obviously, A Problem. Some times I would have to disconnect for a bit. Sometimes you were okay with this.
It shouldn't have been just "sometimes". For whatever reason you refused to grasp that RL things, ANY RL thing could possibly be more urgent and important than RP. If it was a few minutes, you'd be fine. If it was longer than 5 or 10, you would spew molten passive agressive acid all over my face.
Every. Single. Time.
Dinner? I came back to you being a dick both IC and OOC (I'll get to that jewel later). Had to go to the store? I cam back to you ignoring me. Homework? I came back to you chewing me out for being gone so long. And as a child I was heart broken by your words. I wanted your approval, I wanted your friendship, and every single time you didn't get what you wanted, you took it away from me and replaced it with abuse. It still boggles me how verbally and emotionally abusive you were over fucking RP. You made me believe that the internet and RP were the Most Important Things In Life (a thought that took me until late late in high school to get out of my head, that's how deeply ingrained it was) and that if I didn't cater to what you wanted to do RIGHT THEN and didn't make time for YOU that I was the scum of the earth. My self-esteem has never been so battered by a total stranger and I wish to all the heavens in all universes that I could find you and make you feel my karmic fists.
(But I can't. And that's probably for the better. Because this letter will hopefully let me let it all go.)
2) Your double standards about the above. If I wanted to RP and you didn't, heaven FORBID I expressed even a tad bit of disappointment. The slightest expression of sadness on my end would send you into a FRENZIED RAGE about how I was being pushy and how fucking RUDE of me. And if you disappeared for an hour+ after a "oh be back in 5" and I asked "hey what happened, where were you?" I got torn apart for being nosey and impatient.
I was nothing but polite to you, I was nothing but understanding. I couldn't get an OUNCE of that from you in return.
3) Your misguided notion (see: fucking bullshit) that an RP partner who also cares about you is a punching bag. The more I think back on all this the more I realize that you had some Serious Problems. I can't fathom what, but they were definitely anger related. If you ever had a bad day? You took it out on Every Single One of your RP partners. I know this because we formed a little group to try and clean each others' wounds from all of your abuse. And from talking with them I know I got the worst of it, because I was the biggest sap, the biggest sucker, the biggest doormat. And somehow, you managed to make it so that I felt like your bad mood was All My Fault (perhaps it wasn't so hard considering I was a child pining for friendship and approval). Furthermore, not only did you take it out on me in regular conversation, but you also managed to drag your petty shit into RP. Which brings me to point 4.
4) You could never EVER separate OOC from IC. As aforementioned, if "Joel" had a bad day? The character would be a raging douchetool. If "Joel" had an issue with me? The character would have an issue with mine. You were positively incapable of separating how you felt from how your character felt. So even if I tried to lighten your mood by RPing with you, to take your mind off of your shitty day, it would just be the same abusive song and dance. I tried to help and got stuck with a double whammy. (Thankfully, towards the end of things I wised up and stopped doing that. And to this day I will not, under any circumstances, RP with someone I find to be in a terrible mood, nor will I RP if I am in a terrible mood. Call it being precautious.)
On a more lulzy (and also disturbing note), you would frequently replace my character's name with mine. Often during sexual scenes (Note: I was pretending to me much older than I was and by RPing sex scenes I was trying to be mature, judge me all you want, I was a preteen). Back then I felt flattered. Now? I feel dirty and vaguely concerned for the people you surround yourself with. And speaking of sexual scenes:
5) You ALWAYS wanted to RP them. Except when you didn't. Then you accused me of wanting to RP them too much and not actual plot. Again. Things were somehow always My Fault and never Yours. You were never accountable for anything. Not your words, your actions, nothing. I hope you never have children. And if you do, that you're not the one raising them.
6) You pit everyone who RPed with you against each other. And oh were you good at that (then again, you probably surrounded yourself with those types (see: kids/immature people) because that made it oh so easy). You played favorites so hard that nepotism is an understatement. You would shower one person and their character with so much attention and blatantly ignore the rest of us so that we would fight with the favorite (and every one else who wanted attention from you) and thus: give you and your character more attention. Yes it was suck on our part for getting jealous (and yes, I do know that there was a good deal of suck on my part for many things during these years, but at least all that could be chalked up to inexperience and not being a completely horrific human being), but who wouldn't? You were rather charismatic (again, back then, I don't think that now) and withdrew EVERYTHING, even OOC attention. People tend to fight for the attention of charismatic people.
So. That's the last of the points that I can think of. But a letter wouldn't be a letter without a witty closing remark so:
Hope You Get Fisted By Karma Without Lube,
Me.