Ready, set.
Sari says that everyone develops a set crush, usually after someone has done something particularly cute or embarrassing. I told her that Terry clearly has a set crush on me, and she laughed. "You should hook up with him!"
"Terry? No... not interested. No."
She said, "Yeah, he wouldn't be my first choice either."
Her first choice is Theo. I must agree that he is a good choice. I would choose him if it were my decision. And swoon, he speaks french, and swoon, he has a sharp tongue (so to speak), and swoon, that musculature, and final swoon: his resemblance to a certain swoon-laden waste-of-my-time. But better.
My ego brain tells me that I should leave Sari's set crush alone. God forbid I somehow manage (as I have been known) to screw things up and make things complicated and have my supervisor despise me because I stole her set crush. Bad Idea.
My id nudges me along, nonetheless. And it pushes to playing it cool around the lovely sexy Theo. I have avoided talking to him or looking at him, but stay in his periphery. Every so often, there is prolonged eye contact. It feels prolonged to me. Certainly it feels longing (but hopefully he doesn't see that desperate side I've been suffocating under the pillow of determined confidence). I get the impression that he is, as my reading describes, one of those "bad boy" types, who knows his effect on the girlflocks, and I am outwardly resisting his charms to pique interest. This is all today, incidentally. Yet also the future. I'm developing my strategies and standards. The rules are sharpening in my sight.
But then there's another one, from Spain.
Maybe I do want that secret competition, though without the confrontation... I want to win what everyone is fighting for. So Id wants to steal set crushes from Sari and Samara, and beat them for attention. But then there's the other one, the one who appears to be unspoken for. Maybe I like him. I think I do, really. This is conjecture, but it is honest.
I went to the bar down the street to see if crew kids were there, and they were. And he was. We talked and he gave me cigarettes and I like accents and people who are different and interesting and he planned to take the bus home and that would have been very, very complicated and long and unnecessary. So he finished the beer I had bought at last call, and I drove him home in the production vehicle. He seemed tipsy, and I asked him what sort of music he liked, and he turned the radio to jazz, or something. He sat in the car for a few minutes after we got to his place, and I thought he might kiss me, so I didn't look at him too much. I like him, and I like the way he looks, and I would probably like kissing him, but that would be a pretty Bad Idea... at this point, at least. So I didn't look at him too much. When we said goodnight, he said, "the Spanish way - two kisses." And he kissed me on each cheek and I did the same in unison. My words, as usual, popped in to diffuse any tension whatsoever, my mouth on standard autopilot: "Yes, good, I've been meaning to start doing that all the time, I think it's good."
I'm slowly teaching myself to shut up and make people uncomfortable sometimes. It gives you power.
With that, without the intention of making you uncomfortable, I should shut up. I'll have four point five hours of sleep, if I reset my alarm to 9:30, and that is approximately three full sleep cycles.
Sweet, sweet dreams to me.
(I hope you sleep well as well.)
"Terry? No... not interested. No."
She said, "Yeah, he wouldn't be my first choice either."
Her first choice is Theo. I must agree that he is a good choice. I would choose him if it were my decision. And swoon, he speaks french, and swoon, he has a sharp tongue (so to speak), and swoon, that musculature, and final swoon: his resemblance to a certain swoon-laden waste-of-my-time. But better.
My ego brain tells me that I should leave Sari's set crush alone. God forbid I somehow manage (as I have been known) to screw things up and make things complicated and have my supervisor despise me because I stole her set crush. Bad Idea.
My id nudges me along, nonetheless. And it pushes to playing it cool around the lovely sexy Theo. I have avoided talking to him or looking at him, but stay in his periphery. Every so often, there is prolonged eye contact. It feels prolonged to me. Certainly it feels longing (but hopefully he doesn't see that desperate side I've been suffocating under the pillow of determined confidence). I get the impression that he is, as my reading describes, one of those "bad boy" types, who knows his effect on the girlflocks, and I am outwardly resisting his charms to pique interest. This is all today, incidentally. Yet also the future. I'm developing my strategies and standards. The rules are sharpening in my sight.
But then there's another one, from Spain.
Maybe I do want that secret competition, though without the confrontation... I want to win what everyone is fighting for. So Id wants to steal set crushes from Sari and Samara, and beat them for attention. But then there's the other one, the one who appears to be unspoken for. Maybe I like him. I think I do, really. This is conjecture, but it is honest.
I went to the bar down the street to see if crew kids were there, and they were. And he was. We talked and he gave me cigarettes and I like accents and people who are different and interesting and he planned to take the bus home and that would have been very, very complicated and long and unnecessary. So he finished the beer I had bought at last call, and I drove him home in the production vehicle. He seemed tipsy, and I asked him what sort of music he liked, and he turned the radio to jazz, or something. He sat in the car for a few minutes after we got to his place, and I thought he might kiss me, so I didn't look at him too much. I like him, and I like the way he looks, and I would probably like kissing him, but that would be a pretty Bad Idea... at this point, at least. So I didn't look at him too much. When we said goodnight, he said, "the Spanish way - two kisses." And he kissed me on each cheek and I did the same in unison. My words, as usual, popped in to diffuse any tension whatsoever, my mouth on standard autopilot: "Yes, good, I've been meaning to start doing that all the time, I think it's good."
I'm slowly teaching myself to shut up and make people uncomfortable sometimes. It gives you power.
With that, without the intention of making you uncomfortable, I should shut up. I'll have four point five hours of sleep, if I reset my alarm to 9:30, and that is approximately three full sleep cycles.
Sweet, sweet dreams to me.
(I hope you sleep well as well.)