All We Can Give Is Our Will...What He Gives Back is His to Give
"Some writers use the word charity to describe not only Christian love between human beings, but also God's love for man and man's love for God. About the second of these two, people are often worried. They are told they ought to love God. They cannot find any such feelings in themselves. What are they to do?
The answer is...Act as if you did. Do not sit trying to manufacture feelings. Ask yourself, 'If I were sure that I loved God, what would I do?' When you have found the answer, go and do it.
On the whole, God's love for us is a much safer subject to think about than our love for Him. Nobody can always have devout feelings: and even if we could, feelings are not what God principally cares about.
Christian Love, either towards God or towards man, is an affair of the will. If we are trying to do His will we are obeying the commandment, 'Thou shalt love the Lord thy God.' He will give us feelings of love if He pleases. We cannot create them for ourselves, and we must not demand them as a right.
But the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not. It is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; and, therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him." C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
A woman read this quote last night in our class. It was like pieces of a puzzle coming together for me. I have learned parts of these truths but never understood them so clearly before. Charity is a gift from Christ. We don't earn it. We can't aspire to it. He gives it when He desires to give it to us. When you are a person who is guilt-based like I am, it is so important to understand what you can achieve and what is not under your control. (And like King Benjamin explains, everything comes from Him.) Like all of His gifts, He issues it to us when we are ready.
My patriarchal blessing says that to fulfill my positions of responsibility I will be given "wisdom and understanding, and a great measure of love..." It is so easy for me to feel love, especially for others that I am serving in my area of stewardship. But there are people in my life who don't feel love as easily, and I have felt guilty before that the loving is so easy for me. What a blessing it is for me to realize that the gift of charity is not something I achieved but rather a tool that is specifically for the purpose "...that you may guide and help and lift those you are called to serve."
"Do not try to sit and manufacture feelings...Nobody can always have devout feelings: and even if we could, feelings are not what God principally cares about..." Wow...that is really important. I know the answer is to just go and do it is right. If I don't feel it, do it anyway. Act as if I loved God, even during the times when the feelings aren't there. Why is this such an inspired thought for me? Because Satan trips me out about my feelings. He tells me that I am evil if I don't feel constant love for God. The truth is, we have agency, and part of our test in life is to see how we act when we are in the "dead zones" that were talked about in Conference. We aren't going to feel constant zeal. The Spirit is not going to testify to us 24-7. We are left at times to see what we will do on our own.
Alma 32: 27 "...yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe..."
Alma 37: 46 "...do not let us be slothful because of the easiness of the way..."
Alma 42: 30 "...let the justice of God, and his mercy, and his long-suffering have full sway in your heart; and let it bring you down to the dust in humility..."
Humility is the key. It's about me...but it's not about what I can achieve. It is all about Him. He has given me everything. It's not about what I owe. It's very simply about a request to go and do what He has asked, because that request, fulfilled, will bring me all He has to give me, which is everything he has.