"elderly foolishness" feels a little self-conscious. By that point age is already clear, though getting a stronger indication of it earlier might be nice.
"I'd never expected this turn in our lives," could probably be replaced with something stronger. Of course the turn wasn't expected, but getting a sense of what was expected might illustrate that emotion more effectively.
I really like the whole treatment with Lou Gehrig. It's a very believable and interesting reaction to the situation, and crams a lot of information in very neatly.
Either getting Amy's name earlier, or cutting it entirely from the last line would be better. Where it is it feels like a revelation, but it shouldn't be - it's not important. (Unless it is and I'm missing something huge, in which case you should ignore me)
The name is also in the fourth paragraph, but the font is tiny and the formatting didn't transfer well from Word (sorry!), so it's not weird that you didn't see it.
Thanks for the comments. I'm really pleased that people liked the Lou Gehrig part so much. Gives me a little confidence in my writing abilities. ^_^
Bravo, Bravo...... the disease you describe is in need of a brilliant writer. Coping with ALS you could join my awareness team without question. Keep in touch, you could turn heads to see this horror.
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"I'd never expected this turn in our lives," could probably be replaced with something stronger. Of course the turn wasn't expected, but getting a sense of what was expected might illustrate that emotion more effectively.
I really like the whole treatment with Lou Gehrig. It's a very believable and interesting reaction to the situation, and crams a lot of information in very neatly.
Either getting Amy's name earlier, or cutting it entirely from the last line would be better. Where it is it feels like a revelation, but it shouldn't be - it's not important. (Unless it is and I'm missing something huge, in which case you should ignore me)
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Thanks for the comments. I'm really pleased that people liked the Lou Gehrig part so much. Gives me a little confidence in my writing abilities. ^_^
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