Mal-Susan dream.

[bad_in_latin]

Mal opens his eyes and he is riding faster than he ever remembers riding before. The split-rail fence is a whitewashed blur to his left, and he leans in closer to the gelding's neck. No reins and no restraints

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[sai_delgado]

The sound of returning hoofbeats carries through the air like the thunder of a summer storm. The gelding races back over the land towards Mal, running swiftly, its golden mane surprisingly bright in the evening light--

Golden mane?

The sound of delighted laughter is clear -- and as the horse swerves and soars into a leap over a low-lying cluster of rocks, its rider is suddenly clearly visible as well.

Susan Allgood, Susan Delgado-that-was, bends low over the gelding's neck and calls soft encouragement, guiding the horse toward the tree with its bright red leaves, and the man beneath it.

[bad_in_latin]

Mal peels his attention away from the star-studded shawl above him, looking to the horse and its new rider, a quiet smile growing and wrinkling the corners of Mal's eyes.

"I keep hopin' that you show up," he starts in lieu of a hello. "How you been, meimei?"

[sai_delgado]

The gelding minces slightly as he slows to a walk and then to a halt. Susan swings down from his back and murmurs into the horse's ear, then sends him on with a pat.

She stands there before Mal, her soft smile as bright as her hair, even in the starlight.

"I've been good, Mal, say true-- and thee?"

[bad_in_latin]

The question gives Mal pause, and he almost looks like he's not going to answer it, until:

"Been better. You don't want to hear about all o' that, though. Come on over, sit by me."

Mal pats the spot next to him against the wide treetrunk, smirking like he almost always...used to.

[sai_delgado]

"Thee silly," she scolds gently. "Of course I would."

Susan looks after the gelding for a moment and then takes the few steps necessary in order to drop to the ground beside Mal, throwing her arms around him in a hug as she settles.

"It's good to see ye."

[bad_in_latin]

Mal's arms go immediately around Susan's back and remain crossed there for a long time.

"'S good to see you too, Susan."

He does let go. Eventually. By the time he does, he's moved himself closer to Susan's side, looking upward through the branches of the tree and to the sky beyond them, never seeming interested in the image of his mother's house ahead of him in the distance.

"Susan, I...uhm. 'm a lil' bit lost, at the moment."

[sai_delgado]

She settles more comfortably beside him and tosses her hair back over her shoulder. Fog-gray eyes are open and direct and solemn as they were on a day by Milliways' lake, long ago.

"Nay," she says gently. "Ye're found, do'ee ken? I've found you, even here-- and ye'll find yerself, too, if ye but look."

[bad_in_latin]

Mal shakes his head no, almost violently in contrast to the ease of the rest of his demeanor from earlier.

"This whole thing with Kaylee, and Niska. And Red. I can't stay in Milliways and I can't stay on the ship."

Mal pulls his hands into his lap, and he makes a mild show out of staring at his cuticles, hands almost in fists.

"She said I was supposed to know better."

[sai_delgado]

"Shhh." Susan reaches up and places gentle fingers over his mouth, stopping the flow of words.

(all is silent in the halls)

The leaves overhead echo the soft whisper, as does the breeze that blows over the grass, pulling at her hair and at the edges of his shirt.

(ka like a wind)

Things are often strange in dreams, and this one is no different-- for Susan seems to know exactly what he's talking about, all of it, without question.

"Ye'll never leave Serenity, Mal. Ye've got to live within it, instead."

(dead friends haunt old soldiers)

She searches his face, adding almost whisper-soft, "I spoke so to my dinh before too, did'ee know? Roland. I loved him, though, even then, even after everything. I still do."

[bad_in_latin]

Mal's almost dumbstruck with Susan's touch, and her words that make his untucked shirttails flap in their breeze.

"She thinks I don't love them," he manages eventually. "I was trying to tell her that I understood her placin' her husband and sister before the rest o' the crew and it got so wrong -- "

[sai_delgado]

And oh, but her smile is sweet and knowing, innocent and yet strangely wise. She's the girl Mal knew and remembers still, oh aye-- Susan Delgado, ever and always the lovely girl at the window, memory and dream and mayhap something more besides, here in this strange world betwixt and between.

"Love stumbles," Susan says softly. Not her words in life, but ka is strange and truth is stranger, and what is remembered in love lives on and echoes through time.

"I kennit. She'll learn, and knows already deep down, I wot. Of course thee love them-- it's why thee hurt so."

[bad_in_latin]

I ain't strong enough for this.

"She wants me to be perfect. Ain't ever gonna be, and I wouldn't want to be, besides. Perfect is for the black and riding horses. Not menfolk."

An almost-laugh. "Y'know I ain't even told 'Nara about anything of this? Why does Kaylee bother me about this more 'n my own wife?"

[sai_delgado]

"Ye're her dinh." Susan shrugs, smiling at him. "Leader, father, brother-- nay, not perfect, but some things are hard to see when we look to those we love."

(my fondest wish)

"Inara already knows."

She glances up, through the red leaves spread high above them like a shelter, looking to the stars beyond.

"There's time still. It's a face on the water here too." Gently, now, as she looks back at him, fog-gray eyes meeting his. "It'll come right."

[bad_in_latin]

Susan's eyes seem to confuse Mal; they're the only almost-dulled color in the entire landscape, yet they're the brightest things Mal can concentrate on at the moment.

Look for the man with the stars in his eyes

A smile, his eyes close and his forehead meets Susan's shoulder with a gentle thunk, light chortling directed...at himself, at the situation, at all the things he doesn't know how to change.

[sai_delgado]

(when you are old and grey and full of sleep)

She puts both her arms around him, holding him close and murmuring soft aimless words of comfort.

(take down this book ... and dream of the soft look)

"It'll come right, gē ge, say true." Softly, oh, so softly, and there's gentle laughter in her voice as well.

(your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep)

She was never Dream's, and even now she's not precisely the gift of the star-eyed Endless, although a dream she is here. Wanted and hoped for, this young woman whose presence and company is missed --

(How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true;)

-- and now once again by Mal's side, brought through vivid memory and wistful, wishful longing.

(And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how love fled)

She was ever Desire's, after all.

(And paced upon the mountains overhead,
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars)

"Oh, Mal. Thee very dear. It's not easy, I kennit -- but it'll be all right."

[bad_in_latin]

It's an easy change from forehead-meets-shoulder to temple-meets-shoulder, making it easier for Mal to speak to Susan without sounding muffled. Not that he's sure the normal rules of volume and talking and anything really apply here, but the rules he's used to are all that he can act by.

"It's always easier when you're about. Why is that, exactly?"