(no subject)

[bad_diary_dayz]

Starting where I left off I suppose... mom called. My Nana (grandma) is gone. I still can't believe it. Friday I went to my Nana and Pop-Pops house with the rest of the family. We cried, we cleaned, they ate, we talked, we cried, we hugged, and we drank. Saturday we meet at the funeral home and all walk in together and see how beautiful Nana looks. There are MILLIONS of flowers and photos. Its just our family for this viewing. I don't know what to do. So I look at the pictures and make my way around to all my cousins, aunts, uncles, and others. My Pop-pop is taking things very bad. Evry few minutes he mumbles how there is no reason for him to live anymore and what did he do to God. He cries and says he needs to go kiss his beautiful bride again. Sunday comes with more viewing. My family walks in with tired, baggy eyes. We greet everyone who comes with thank you's and stories about Nana. Monday. St patricks day. My Nana's favorite day (she was adopted from ireland) every year we went to the parades. But today would not be the same. We all said our final goodbyes at the funeral parlor. We went to the church where there was someone playing bagpipes for her and we cried and held eachother. After the mass we followed nana through great river down nearby the water. She chose to be buried there so she could look out at the water on the beautiful spring and summer days. I placed a flower on her casket and told her how much I loved her and went over to hug my mother. We left and spent the rest of the day at pop pops. Everyone eating and drinking. I cannot begin to tell you how much I miss her.

On another subject, not one of my "friends" has said anything. I think that makes you all fucking assholes. When death comes to your family maybe no one will be there for you either.

Also, this week = lots of drugs. They temporarily made me feel better.