(no subject)
Dear journal:
1. I'm going to approach you differently.
2. I'm going to stop hiding things from you and myself. *(You may not like what you read.)
3. I don't know what else for now.?
Now that we know this lets begin with I guess monday (bc I don't feel like trying to recall back any further for now. When I speak of times before this I will inform you.) Nothing too exciting. I wake up next to chris every morning, it is wonderful. He gets up and goes off to work. I stay in bed at his house. Eventually get up and watch some tv, watch youtube vids, myspace, facebook, lj. Not fun at all really. I clean up some things starting to make his room look messy and get dressed. Do some stretches and exercises. At some point speak with chris on his cigarette and meal breaks when he calls. Avoid leaving his room bc his dad works in the next room over and i just find it awkward passing him in the hallway. I don't think he likes me. Chris tells me otherwise. I usually always think people hate me when they don't. Chris comes home and we chill out for and hour or two.
Later on we take a trip to kevin and ted's out in "lindenhurst" to hangout. Kevin is working so its just going to be me chris n ted.
Ok, so on the way southern state parkway is apparantly delayed further up according to the big sign. Me and chris decide lets take a different way so we don't get stuck in traffic. So he tells me to turn at the 1st exit which was wrong and I ended up freaking out. Cuz that's just me. Bc of this I am immediately in a terrible mood. For the next 45 minutes we yell at eachother about where to go and how we are lost and what to do. Its a HUGE fight, over nothing. I end up having a sort of panic attack and pulling over on some side street in brentwood. I freak out on him. Yelling, crying, banging my fists on the steering wheel. He consoles me the whole time. Says he's sorry, everything will be ok, to let him drive. After the outburst I realize I'm stressed and just taking it out on him. My thoughts at time of fight: saw nana yesterday she's weak but kept her smile on, saw dad he's sort of zombie like has a beard now and I can see in his eyes he hates this rehab place so much, I just want to get high and forget this, I hate my life, I hate my body, etc. So, we switched seats and made our way to the apt. We smoke a blunt and some bowls. Watch some scrubs, family guy, the usual. Its gets late and we go back to chris'. We change into our pjs and cuddle in bed until we (usually he) fall asleep.
So tuesday, wake up next to chris. No work til 5pm so we sleep in. We grab our pjs and replace them and sit at his computer desk with mary or rudy (bong and bowl). We watch some stupid television shows. Lay in bed some more. Chris works. I sit in the car on my sidekick. I surf the web for hours, listen to all of our cd's and really listen to every part, chain smoke my marlboro lights, sometimes switch my cigs for some hits from rudy, then chris comes out for break. He eats. I smoke. We talk. We smoke. We sit. We hug. We kiss. He goes back to work. I smoke. Alright finally end of the night comes we drive home get into our pjs, then bed and well you know from there.
Ill catch up on this later journal, I don't feel like typing anymore. See ya.
1. I'm going to approach you differently.
2. I'm going to stop hiding things from you and myself. *(You may not like what you read.)
3. I don't know what else for now.?
Now that we know this lets begin with I guess monday (bc I don't feel like trying to recall back any further for now. When I speak of times before this I will inform you.) Nothing too exciting. I wake up next to chris every morning, it is wonderful. He gets up and goes off to work. I stay in bed at his house. Eventually get up and watch some tv, watch youtube vids, myspace, facebook, lj. Not fun at all really. I clean up some things starting to make his room look messy and get dressed. Do some stretches and exercises. At some point speak with chris on his cigarette and meal breaks when he calls. Avoid leaving his room bc his dad works in the next room over and i just find it awkward passing him in the hallway. I don't think he likes me. Chris tells me otherwise. I usually always think people hate me when they don't. Chris comes home and we chill out for and hour or two.
Later on we take a trip to kevin and ted's out in "lindenhurst" to hangout. Kevin is working so its just going to be me chris n ted.
Ok, so on the way southern state parkway is apparantly delayed further up according to the big sign. Me and chris decide lets take a different way so we don't get stuck in traffic. So he tells me to turn at the 1st exit which was wrong and I ended up freaking out. Cuz that's just me. Bc of this I am immediately in a terrible mood. For the next 45 minutes we yell at eachother about where to go and how we are lost and what to do. Its a HUGE fight, over nothing. I end up having a sort of panic attack and pulling over on some side street in brentwood. I freak out on him. Yelling, crying, banging my fists on the steering wheel. He consoles me the whole time. Says he's sorry, everything will be ok, to let him drive. After the outburst I realize I'm stressed and just taking it out on him. My thoughts at time of fight: saw nana yesterday she's weak but kept her smile on, saw dad he's sort of zombie like has a beard now and I can see in his eyes he hates this rehab place so much, I just want to get high and forget this, I hate my life, I hate my body, etc. So, we switched seats and made our way to the apt. We smoke a blunt and some bowls. Watch some scrubs, family guy, the usual. Its gets late and we go back to chris'. We change into our pjs and cuddle in bed until we (usually he) fall asleep.
So tuesday, wake up next to chris. No work til 5pm so we sleep in. We grab our pjs and replace them and sit at his computer desk with mary or rudy (bong and bowl). We watch some stupid television shows. Lay in bed some more. Chris works. I sit in the car on my sidekick. I surf the web for hours, listen to all of our cd's and really listen to every part, chain smoke my marlboro lights, sometimes switch my cigs for some hits from rudy, then chris comes out for break. He eats. I smoke. We talk. We smoke. We sit. We hug. We kiss. He goes back to work. I smoke. Alright finally end of the night comes we drive home get into our pjs, then bed and well you know from there.
Ill catch up on this later journal, I don't feel like typing anymore. See ya.