The Artful Dodger's Recipe for Looking & Acting "Emo"
In light of the fact that I was told I am an apparent expert on the subject of being "emo", I am preparing a CNN worthy report on the status of what it means to look emo and play the part so that you too can be "emo".... what ever that effing means...
GIRLS
1. Black hair dye is a must. Emo's do not have cutsie blonde hair. The darker you can go without looking dead, the better. While we are on the subject of hair here are a few more helpful hints... bangs are your friend, the straighter the better, shags are not just for boys and washing should not occur more than it needs to.
2. Polo shirts are the first part of your uniform. Or clever sloganed old school style vintage shirts, or tiny warm up jackets. Add tweed into the mix with a splash of courduroy and you've got yourself a nice get up.
3.Now on to pants. Jeans should be slightly flared, distressed, dark or dirty wash, cuffs are appropriate. Corduroy should fit like a second skin. Tweed can be thrown into the mix occasionally for variation, but they should be boyish cut pants or pencil skirts. Tights are worn with all skirts.
4. Shoes. Now this is where I tend to break from the grain of the emo school of thought. Most would say chunky shoes complete any emo ensemble. I think they look trashy. I favor either flat mary janes, ballet flats, Golla style boots, colourful stilettos (pointy or rounded toes). Dare to be different, I say...
5. Accessories. Gummy bracelets, charm bracelets, big watches, thumb rings, clark kent glasses, books by Sylvia Plath or some other american poetess, news boy hats, long scarves, dark nail polish, white teeth, black rimmed eyes, a blog, a male side kick, social activism, verbose vocab.
Boys
1. If nothing else, remember this one key mantra, shaggy hair is your best friend. The shaggier the better. And five oclock shadow is highly reccomended if you can make it look unkempt in a neat way. Otherwise over compinsate for the lack of facial hair with an even longer, more voluminous shag. Wash your hair no more than every other day.
2. Apparel is quite similar to that of your female counterparts. Fitting is key though. Small is good. no tee shirt or polo should come below your belt line. Throw in some Mr. Rogers-esque sweaters and your golden.
3. Be inventive with your jeans. Paint stains and wear & tear are both innovative and suggested. Attatch your keys to a belt loop. Wear large buckle belts or old ratty looking leather ones. Only bust out the studded belt as a last resort.
4. Shoes should be old school style trainers, near the point of falling apart. The more stripes, the better. Even if you skate (which you should have done in your youth) you know better to leave the skate shoes to the kiddies. If you do want to do the dress shoe thing on occasion I have two words... square toes. I rest my case.
5. Accessories... middle finger rings, red socks, a slighly quirky but cute girlfriend, an ascot on occassion, highway trooper glasses, clove ciggarettes, shoulder bag, a band, vinyl collection, loose change in your pocket, ratty old wallet (preferably duck tapped together), a website for your band, tattoos.
SOME ADDITIONAL HELPFUL HINTS
1. Since emo is centralized around music. Strive to know more about music than anyone else you know at all times. Work in an indie record store, intern at a label, be in or date someone in a band, and listen to the most obscure music you can find. You always want to be the person who's bringing unknown records to your friend's houses for listening sessions. By the time everyone has hear of a band you like, move on to something new.
2. For the advanced students of emo, you need to engender the following qualities... geeky coolness, shy confidence, brilliant inarticulateness, unfunny humor, and pessimistic optimism. It's not nearly as hard as it sounds.
3. Pick an icon, any icon. Worship this icon. Strive to be this icon. But never admitt that you strive to be this person. For girls, since there are still very few good emo role models out there, you can either go retro and be a Debbie Harry or Patti Smith, or you can gender bend a little and model yourself after a male emo icon. Guys can even choose to emulate the emo icon of their group of friends, which can provide more down to earth inspiration.
4. Try being anti-anti-establishment... by this I mean, be a conformist to protest the conformity of counter culture. Don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs. But only for a few months at a time. Be cyclical in your approach to life.
5. Convey your deepest emotions in everything you do. If you don't have any, make some up.
And so that is The Artful Dodger's Recipe for Looking and Acting "Emo"
I'll be back next week with The Artful Dodger's Emo Advice Column... so email me at cristifraser@yahoo.ca with your emo problems and I'll fix you all up...
Viva El Vinegar
Saffi
GIRLS
1. Black hair dye is a must. Emo's do not have cutsie blonde hair. The darker you can go without looking dead, the better. While we are on the subject of hair here are a few more helpful hints... bangs are your friend, the straighter the better, shags are not just for boys and washing should not occur more than it needs to.
2. Polo shirts are the first part of your uniform. Or clever sloganed old school style vintage shirts, or tiny warm up jackets. Add tweed into the mix with a splash of courduroy and you've got yourself a nice get up.
3.Now on to pants. Jeans should be slightly flared, distressed, dark or dirty wash, cuffs are appropriate. Corduroy should fit like a second skin. Tweed can be thrown into the mix occasionally for variation, but they should be boyish cut pants or pencil skirts. Tights are worn with all skirts.
4. Shoes. Now this is where I tend to break from the grain of the emo school of thought. Most would say chunky shoes complete any emo ensemble. I think they look trashy. I favor either flat mary janes, ballet flats, Golla style boots, colourful stilettos (pointy or rounded toes). Dare to be different, I say...
5. Accessories. Gummy bracelets, charm bracelets, big watches, thumb rings, clark kent glasses, books by Sylvia Plath or some other american poetess, news boy hats, long scarves, dark nail polish, white teeth, black rimmed eyes, a blog, a male side kick, social activism, verbose vocab.
Boys
1. If nothing else, remember this one key mantra, shaggy hair is your best friend. The shaggier the better. And five oclock shadow is highly reccomended if you can make it look unkempt in a neat way. Otherwise over compinsate for the lack of facial hair with an even longer, more voluminous shag. Wash your hair no more than every other day.
2. Apparel is quite similar to that of your female counterparts. Fitting is key though. Small is good. no tee shirt or polo should come below your belt line. Throw in some Mr. Rogers-esque sweaters and your golden.
3. Be inventive with your jeans. Paint stains and wear & tear are both innovative and suggested. Attatch your keys to a belt loop. Wear large buckle belts or old ratty looking leather ones. Only bust out the studded belt as a last resort.
4. Shoes should be old school style trainers, near the point of falling apart. The more stripes, the better. Even if you skate (which you should have done in your youth) you know better to leave the skate shoes to the kiddies. If you do want to do the dress shoe thing on occasion I have two words... square toes. I rest my case.
5. Accessories... middle finger rings, red socks, a slighly quirky but cute girlfriend, an ascot on occassion, highway trooper glasses, clove ciggarettes, shoulder bag, a band, vinyl collection, loose change in your pocket, ratty old wallet (preferably duck tapped together), a website for your band, tattoos.
SOME ADDITIONAL HELPFUL HINTS
1. Since emo is centralized around music. Strive to know more about music than anyone else you know at all times. Work in an indie record store, intern at a label, be in or date someone in a band, and listen to the most obscure music you can find. You always want to be the person who's bringing unknown records to your friend's houses for listening sessions. By the time everyone has hear of a band you like, move on to something new.
2. For the advanced students of emo, you need to engender the following qualities... geeky coolness, shy confidence, brilliant inarticulateness, unfunny humor, and pessimistic optimism. It's not nearly as hard as it sounds.
3. Pick an icon, any icon. Worship this icon. Strive to be this icon. But never admitt that you strive to be this person. For girls, since there are still very few good emo role models out there, you can either go retro and be a Debbie Harry or Patti Smith, or you can gender bend a little and model yourself after a male emo icon. Guys can even choose to emulate the emo icon of their group of friends, which can provide more down to earth inspiration.
4. Try being anti-anti-establishment... by this I mean, be a conformist to protest the conformity of counter culture. Don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs. But only for a few months at a time. Be cyclical in your approach to life.
5. Convey your deepest emotions in everything you do. If you don't have any, make some up.
And so that is The Artful Dodger's Recipe for Looking and Acting "Emo"
I'll be back next week with The Artful Dodger's Emo Advice Column... so email me at cristifraser@yahoo.ca with your emo problems and I'll fix you all up...
Viva El Vinegar
Saffi