Ive been a fool to ever open up my heart to all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule...
Uncertainty breeds mistrust and mistrust is how i'll lose you...but more importantly it's how i'll lose me.
At what point is the uncertainty so great to bare that i'd rather end up with regrets than with hurt feelings? How much of me do you put up with before you realize what you've done? Before you realize that I'm not pretty enough, i'm not smart enough and i'm certainly nothing special. Confidence is only as good as the show you put on and i'm tired of putting on shows.
"I'm never getting married. You want an absolute? Well, there it is. Stacy Price, spinster. I mean, what's the point? Sure there's the initial primal drive. Ride it out. Better yet, ignore it. Sooner or later the people you love let you down..."
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I can't write anymore. I loathe every sentimental statement, every polished phrase. Before the ink ever touches the page I'm crossing out the words. It was so much easier to find words in experiences that hadn't taken place. I used to paint pictures of hurt, but that was before I'd ever felt it. I was willing to be exposed. I'm so much younger now.
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I need to start posting these. I let livejournal save them in hopes that I'll return, read what i had previously written, scoff and hold down the backspace button. That hasn't been the case yet.
For so long I've been staring contentment in the face, but all the while i'm glancing over my shoulder. Putting every word, every action under a microscope just hoping to catch disappointment before it catches me.
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I'm lucky.
Yes, I most likely will be hurt, left out and talked about. That's life. But just as certain as I'll be hurt, I'll also be loved, adored and honored.
More importantly, I'll learn every step of the way.
At what point is the uncertainty so great to bare that i'd rather end up with regrets than with hurt feelings? How much of me do you put up with before you realize what you've done? Before you realize that I'm not pretty enough, i'm not smart enough and i'm certainly nothing special. Confidence is only as good as the show you put on and i'm tired of putting on shows.
"I'm never getting married. You want an absolute? Well, there it is. Stacy Price, spinster. I mean, what's the point? Sure there's the initial primal drive. Ride it out. Better yet, ignore it. Sooner or later the people you love let you down..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I can't write anymore. I loathe every sentimental statement, every polished phrase. Before the ink ever touches the page I'm crossing out the words. It was so much easier to find words in experiences that hadn't taken place. I used to paint pictures of hurt, but that was before I'd ever felt it. I was willing to be exposed. I'm so much younger now.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I need to start posting these. I let livejournal save them in hopes that I'll return, read what i had previously written, scoff and hold down the backspace button. That hasn't been the case yet.
For so long I've been staring contentment in the face, but all the while i'm glancing over my shoulder. Putting every word, every action under a microscope just hoping to catch disappointment before it catches me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm lucky.
Yes, I most likely will be hurt, left out and talked about. That's life. But just as certain as I'll be hurt, I'll also be loved, adored and honored.
More importantly, I'll learn every step of the way.