(no subject)
i'm the queen of poise and rationality, when i want to be, and that includes right now. I even have the posture, and the smile.
but the truth is, i want to shake you, make you open your eyes, have you see the morbid malice like thoughts in the back of my mind. Not even towards anyone, just myself, peoples depression, my actions, and the world. It sort of makes me feel like im back in the lunch room of EHS.
But thats when i bounce back to the poise, and common sense that i do hold strongly to. Im brillant if i act upon my own thoughts. And i'll sit here long after final words are said, or not said, and i'll wait until words overflow onto paper. And when cd's start to skip, and songs grow old, i promise that i still will not be able to listen to that one song, the one song. number 6. I fell in love to it, and now i cant physically bring myself to listen to it, unless im surrounded by people. Oh and how we blared it on vacation. I'm sure if the walls could talk, and that grandfather clock could talk, they could recall it all word for word. I know I can.
Binders and covers eventually overflow with inside jokes, and memories, sheets never cleaned hold scents, but even those fade with time. pain, happiness, morbid thoughts, depression, love, memories, echoing words, freeze frame photos in your mind. They all fade and blurr with time. It will be far away thoughts, a smile retraced. The only thing i can name that doesnt fade, or at least not for me, is knowing how i felt in a moment. Give me something an object, article of clothing, a scent, i'll give you a memory, or tell you how i felt. From the burning in my stomache, to the rush to my head, or things digging into my skin, i can't forget those, none of us can.
Likely im preaching to a dead crowd. The thing is, it's not how you think it is. Upset, no. Mortified, no. Scarred for life, no. Regreteful, no. But what i am is sorry for how the story untold, unfolded. I'll admit it, i dont like being alone. "Lonliness is worse" (Worse then what? I have no idea, but thats just how the lyric goes.) Truthfully, im happy for everything and everyone, from blue lipped kisses, to super hero relationships. I'll be here forever, i listen, i talk, i dont judge, and i'm always here for the people who have been there for me, which comes to a whopping total of about 7.
Life is short, and we are young, we mine as well bask in these short fantasy stories while we can. It's never to late to change, especially now, which is why im getting my pieces together.
but the truth is, i want to shake you, make you open your eyes, have you see the morbid malice like thoughts in the back of my mind. Not even towards anyone, just myself, peoples depression, my actions, and the world. It sort of makes me feel like im back in the lunch room of EHS.
But thats when i bounce back to the poise, and common sense that i do hold strongly to. Im brillant if i act upon my own thoughts. And i'll sit here long after final words are said, or not said, and i'll wait until words overflow onto paper. And when cd's start to skip, and songs grow old, i promise that i still will not be able to listen to that one song, the one song. number 6. I fell in love to it, and now i cant physically bring myself to listen to it, unless im surrounded by people. Oh and how we blared it on vacation. I'm sure if the walls could talk, and that grandfather clock could talk, they could recall it all word for word. I know I can.
Binders and covers eventually overflow with inside jokes, and memories, sheets never cleaned hold scents, but even those fade with time. pain, happiness, morbid thoughts, depression, love, memories, echoing words, freeze frame photos in your mind. They all fade and blurr with time. It will be far away thoughts, a smile retraced. The only thing i can name that doesnt fade, or at least not for me, is knowing how i felt in a moment. Give me something an object, article of clothing, a scent, i'll give you a memory, or tell you how i felt. From the burning in my stomache, to the rush to my head, or things digging into my skin, i can't forget those, none of us can.
Likely im preaching to a dead crowd. The thing is, it's not how you think it is. Upset, no. Mortified, no. Scarred for life, no. Regreteful, no. But what i am is sorry for how the story untold, unfolded. I'll admit it, i dont like being alone. "Lonliness is worse" (Worse then what? I have no idea, but thats just how the lyric goes.) Truthfully, im happy for everything and everyone, from blue lipped kisses, to super hero relationships. I'll be here forever, i listen, i talk, i dont judge, and i'm always here for the people who have been there for me, which comes to a whopping total of about 7.
Life is short, and we are young, we mine as well bask in these short fantasy stories while we can. It's never to late to change, especially now, which is why im getting my pieces together.