chapter 56 in which she welcomes the new year
so i guess that it is my turn to follow suit and post in my livejournal, although it fails to hold the same sense of accomplishment and relief for me. im excited for the new year, last year seemed to be horrific for me and everyone i surround myself with. hopefully this year will meet its expectations. i have few for the actual year 2007, the early 2006 was actually quite wonderful. however, it was the second that i turned 21 that the year began to sour, and so i have few hopes for the early 2007 wishing instead to be 22. then, i have convinced myself, my life will truely begin and it will be fun and exciting and i will learn and do many things and above all, be happy. hopefully my 22nd year will also cause the others that were affected in the year that i have been 21 to also turn their lives around.
this year however has already started pretty well. I have reconnected with old friends, people that i missed, people that keep me together. they fill the gaps that they left, they are the people that helped, during those tentative teenage years, to help me become the person that i am and the people that i can say anything to and be anyone to. they continue to help me grow every time that i am with them and they are some of the few people that make me feel like i am indeed someone and that the person that i am is important, is independant, and is appreciated. They listen to me, they remember things from long ago, things that happened, things we said games we played. and i, with my intense love of nostalgia appreciate it more than they could ever know.
There are a few bumps in this road that i have put myself on, but i have found that it is nothing that i cannot handle. in fact i have discovered that there is not very much that i cannot handle even though i do not give myself credit and have a tendency to back down immediately. But i am extremely self-sufficient and i am well adjusted. i can transition through various routines and although i long for the familiar ones, there are times when i need a new one just for a while. i can go seamlessly through them, bouncing from one to another. from one social circle to another. and i dont have to do the things that i dont want to. i have figured out that even though not doing something may cause me to miss out on the thing i really want to do, or the person that i really want to see does not prevent me from having fun in another activity. i hurt myself more than necessary if only due to the fact that i expect others to hurt me. maybe if i hurt myself first i can better deal with it. i will forever forgive myself for whatever i do but i cannot always extend that graciousness to anyone living outside of my own body.
im going to make this year, by myself, for myself. i have learned many things along the way about myself and about other people and i think that the most important lessons that i could learn at this point in my life are enough for now. i can ride the years out until the next bug learning experience.
welcome to 2007.
this year however has already started pretty well. I have reconnected with old friends, people that i missed, people that keep me together. they fill the gaps that they left, they are the people that helped, during those tentative teenage years, to help me become the person that i am and the people that i can say anything to and be anyone to. they continue to help me grow every time that i am with them and they are some of the few people that make me feel like i am indeed someone and that the person that i am is important, is independant, and is appreciated. They listen to me, they remember things from long ago, things that happened, things we said games we played. and i, with my intense love of nostalgia appreciate it more than they could ever know.
There are a few bumps in this road that i have put myself on, but i have found that it is nothing that i cannot handle. in fact i have discovered that there is not very much that i cannot handle even though i do not give myself credit and have a tendency to back down immediately. But i am extremely self-sufficient and i am well adjusted. i can transition through various routines and although i long for the familiar ones, there are times when i need a new one just for a while. i can go seamlessly through them, bouncing from one to another. from one social circle to another. and i dont have to do the things that i dont want to. i have figured out that even though not doing something may cause me to miss out on the thing i really want to do, or the person that i really want to see does not prevent me from having fun in another activity. i hurt myself more than necessary if only due to the fact that i expect others to hurt me. maybe if i hurt myself first i can better deal with it. i will forever forgive myself for whatever i do but i cannot always extend that graciousness to anyone living outside of my own body.
im going to make this year, by myself, for myself. i have learned many things along the way about myself and about other people and i think that the most important lessons that i could learn at this point in my life are enough for now. i can ride the years out until the next bug learning experience.
welcome to 2007.