"The lost art of keeping a secret."

[justbeingaqueen]

Who: justbeingaqueen and meandmyrockstar
What: Sprung!
Where: Kurt (and now Blaine's) beach house, Fire Island
When & Time: Three days after Valentine's Day
Rating: There will be swears

Comments

[meandmyrockstar]

Mandy had spent a brief amount of time the night before texting Blaine while Kurt was napping. He'd made the comment that she should come pay them a visit sometime in the next few days. She'd told Blaine she would come over the next day, and he'd agreed excitedly. Their group had always been close. It had been a hell of a struggle for Mandy to step back from her role a little. She was still Blaine's PA and still kept up with him as best she could, but it was a learning curve moving aside a bit so that Kurt could step up as Blaine's first go-to person.

Mrs. Martin had let her in when she arrived and explained that Kurt and Blaine were sleeping in, but she was welcome to stay and wait on Blaine if she wanted. Mandy had assured her that would be no problem, and was now sitting comfortably in the kitchen with a cup of tea (Thank God Kurt and Blaine were both fans of Irish Breakfast Tea) and chatting with Mrs. Martin. She straightened up from her leisurely posture, smiling over at Kurt. "Hello, Kurt," she replied setting aside her tea. "I came to see Blaine, but Mrs. Martin here told me you two were still sleeping..."

[justbeingaqueen]

"He still is," Kurt explained with a few more steps over towards the counter where she was sitting. Oh hell, why didn't he think to at least put clothes on? He had a robe, and that was it, with bed hair. It was the notion of bed hair, however, that led him to worrying he might actually had a five o'clock shadow... something he was okay with Blaine seeing, and Amelia had seen it, probably some of his family when he wasn't feeling his best, but Blaine's PA didn't quite fall into those realms yet.

It was only when his hand had already flown up to his face that he realised, however - and in horror - that he was still wearing his wedding ring, the diamond mate of Blaine's stoneless one. There was no hiding it, it was bling to the max, and his stomach felt like it had shot up into his throat. Now, Mandy hardly knew him, and probably wouldn't immediately realise what jewellery he liked to wear because the only time she had seen him, he had been severely sick in hospital. It would have been the fact he immediately looked at it and them tried to hide it that did the damage. The tiniest of whimpers fell from his lips when he realised what he had done. How had could he have been so stupid?

[meandmyrockstar]

"It's okay," Mandy replied with a shrug. "It's good that he's getting the rest he needs." That was when Kurt's hand came up to his face and Mandy caught the glint of the epic bling on his hand. At first it hit her as nothing unusual, until Kurt's face showed panic, and it hit Mandy what he was reacting to.

"Kurt, is that... what I think it is?" she asked, shock and disbelief written all over her face. The look on Kurt's face was that of someone who wished he could literally rewind time. Oh, shit, this was bad.

And why the hell hadn't Blaine told her? Had he told his friends from McKinley? Did Elliot know? She shook her head again, trying not to get upset yet. Not until she knew what was going on.

[justbeingaqueen]

Kurt felt sick. Plain sick. He wasn't sure there was any other adequate way to describe it. His ears were ringing, there was a heat - and not a good one - that engulfed his whole body, he felt faintly woozy and his heart was pounding at a mile a minute in his chest. Should he lie? That would probably be the easiest knee-jerk reaction, but the shockwaves that could create with everyone made his head spin and was beyond his coping capacity.

He realised only after a few moments that he was standing there like a deer caught in headlights, probably looking as pale as he felt with his hand now lodged behind his back to try and conceal that ring. They hadn't been expecting anyone, and whilst they had the privacy and time together, they had been wearing their wedding rings as a way to help find their feet with this whole thing. Kurt couldn't deny it felt nice, and felt even nicer to see the matching one on Blaine's finger. "How am I supposed to answer that?" he finally asked when he found his voice... or a voice. It certainly wasn't his voice, just a hoarse, choked imitation of it.

[meandmyrockstar]

Mandy watched Kurt, realizing very quickly how upset he was by this whole thing, but unable to think of a single fucking thing to say, because her brain wouldn't keep up with the situation. It was too much to take in, and she just sat there staring at Kurt.

"I... Did you and Blaine get married?" Mandy asked finally, though she pretty much knew the answer already. "Kurt... Kurt, it's okay," she said softly, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I should've let you know I was coming, but Blaine knew, and I didn't..." She shook her head. Why hadn't she known this already? She was Blaine's PA. She knew everything... everything. Or at least... She had known everything before this went down.

[justbeingaqueen]

Kurt put his hand up to his mouth and swallowed when his throat felt like sandpaper. Even again, it was that hand with that ring and he seemed destined to stumble over the whole issue. He knew Blaine should have been the one to tell his own family and friends this, but he couldn't deny it. Not now that the question was out there. He didn't have the heart to lie. He was sick of lying and sick things tarnishing the sliver of happy he managed to claw back in his life right now. "Blaine's had things on his mind."

But there was a short, tiny nod of confirmation. "We got married on Valentine's Day," he revealed, and his voice was still sounding like he had borderline laryngitis or possibly been giving way too many deep-throated blow jobs. It was neither, even if Kurt was still feeling distinctly sick as the huge and special secret was forced out. His hand slipped down to his chest near his heart where the tattoo was hidden beneath the veil of the bathrobe. Don't let this create regrets, Kurt... let this be the one thing you don't regret... a silent inner voice begged him.

[meandmyrockstar]

As much as she wanted to be angry that Blaine hadn't told her, and probably still would be to some extent later, the overwhelming and underlying emotion right now was concern. Concern for Kurt, mostly, at this point, because there was an air of panic about him that was worrying. "I know," she replied. "There's been... a lot going on."

"That's fantastic!" was Mandy's reply, despite the fact that it killed her that no one in their group had known about it. She didn't know if the McKinleyites had been equally left out of the situation, and it had been kept private, or if they'd been invited because they were close to both parties, or what. Sure it was a selfish thought process, but Mandy was hurt.

But the look on Kurt's face told her quickly that he didn't need to hear her bitching, so she kept it to herself for now.

[justbeingaqueen]

Fantastic? Kurt wasn't stupid. He knew a forced response when he heard one. It was years honed of watching and analysing people in an extremely cutthroat industry. Hell, he had even done a lot of that back in school when it felt like it was him against the world before he met Blaine. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. If they wanted to tell anyone it should have been Blaine telling his family and friends, or at least both of them jointly. Words evaded him at first and he just stood there looking back at her with his left hand curled over against his chest. Should he explain or should he pull the diva act and tell her to mind her own business? Kurt had so many masks he could draw upon right now to protect and shield his true feelings, but was that the way to treat one of his new husband's closest friends?

"It was my idea," he finally revealed, but his tone was definitely masked, if only because he hardly knew her. Knowing that Blaine knew her wasn't enough, it was going to take time for him to adjust to Blaine entourage as being part of this whole package. "But we both wanted it kept quiet. Only three other people know."

[meandmyrockstar]

Mandy couldn't help but feel a bit bad for catching Kurt in a secret that he was trying to keep between him and Blaine. Clearly it was something that was meant to be kept between them for a while until they were ready to share it, and as much as it hurt Mandy that she hadn't been included, she didn't want to upset Kurt anymore than he was clearly already upset.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Kurt," she said, trying to be open and understanding of the fact that there would always be things between Blaine and his other half that didn't include all of their friends. It was something she'd have to get used to, though. "I'm sorry, Kurt. I didn't mean to barge in on it or anything. I thought Blaine would tell you I was coming anyway... It... I'm sorry."

[justbeingaqueen]

Kurt didn't even know what else to say to that. He was at a complete loss. If she said he didn't have to explain, fine. He wasn't going to explain and he even broke the eye contact, his protective barriers slamming down around him once again. It seemed he would only try right now to break through them if there was an absolute need, and maybe Blaine was the best one to discuss this whole thing with his friends anyway. The appetite he woke up with was suddenly zapped, especially considering his housekeeper didn't seem to be immediately present. She wasn't there to be at his beck and call, she had the freedom to come and go as she pleased, but he was grateful she had come to stay here at the beach house with him.

"Blaine's asleep. You can wait for him if you like. I don't know how long he'll be." His voice was quiet and his eyes still averted. "It's up to you."

[meandmyrockstar]

She could almost feel the shutdown from Kurt, and she didn't know how to stop it. This was the last thing she wanted... for there to be more reasons for Kurt to separate himself from Blaine's friends. It honestly scared her to death when she let herself linger on it.

"Kurt," she finally said, letting down all of her bull-at-a-gate gusto in favor of a much softer and gentler approach. Kurt was part of Blaine's life, and as such, was part of hers, too. "I'll wait on him. But... Do you think we could have a wee chat? If you don't want to, that's okay, but..." She took a deep breath before she spoke again. "I think we've gotten off on the wrong foot, and a lot of that is my fault. I know I'm kind of full on... And I'm sorry that I went dashing in half-cocked without respecting that you needed your space. It's sort of a learning curve for us... But I didn't mean to disrespect your needs, and I know that I did."

[justbeingaqueen]

Kurt was going to back away, tell her that it wasn't a good idea. What was the point anyway? What good was anything if Blaine's family and friends were going to constantly disapprove of his presence and the risk of what he might do to Blaine to bring his perfect life down? And maybe they were right. Just like Blaine's baby momma giving him a hard time at New Year about that stuff too. How could a clinically depressed and suicidal addict be anything good for a person as wonderful and amazing as Blaine? It could only ever lead to being hurt and tainted. Kurt could feel himself hovering at that panicked precipice again, where he hated himself and life felt like it would forever be shrouded in darkness. Even the burst of happiness he had tapped into in getting the courage to tell Blaine he wanted to be his husband was waning every time someone through him a roadblock like this. No one could just be happy or understanding. It all came with conditions because he was so innately broken, no one trusted him not to hurt Blaine.

But then his cell phone beeped in his pocket with a text message, and he took it out to read it. It was from Blaine, asking where he was, and clearly it was a freshly-woken, sleepy and barely awake message because it was riddled with typos where Blaine's fingers had slipped. Kurt just looked down at the screen. Blaine wanted him. Blaine loved him. Blaine had married him unconditionally despite the fact they still had a lot of issues to work through, and that was all that mattered. He typed in a quick reply, telling Blaine that he loved him and to go back to sleep, he would be back up soon.

Eventually, however, he looked back to Amanda and then sat down on one of the kitchen stools. He realised he wasn't wearing his usual fingerless gloves then, and yet another tiny panic flickered inside him and caused him to pull his hands up into the sleeves of the robe to hide his wrists. "You all have such an ownership complex over Blaine." His voice wasn't accusatory; instead just calm and tired. "You feel entitled to know every little thing, and maybe for a long time, Blaine didn't mind that. Maybe he even needed it. But I have entirely different values, and there are going to be things Blaine and me share that we don't want anyone else feeling entitled to have a piece of. I need to know there is still some pieces of Blaine left I don't have to share with anyone, and that might sound selfish, but for a long time it was just me and him, and the things that were just me and him were why we worked so well."

[meandmyrockstar]

Mandy couldn't read Kurt. Not really, and she was almost considering leaving for his sake until he finally spoke up. She wanted to protest, but when she really thought about it? She couldn't. If she gave any protest at all, she wouldn't have a leg to stand on. Kurt was right. Almost too right. As much and Mandy hated to admit it, she did always feel entitled to know everything when it came to Blaine, and that wasn't fair to Kurt. Blaine was his other half... His husband now... And Kurt had the right to have things that were just his and Blaine's.

"Kurt," she said softly. "I know. I know that I'm kind of... a little on the intense side... Max pulls the piss out of me about it all the time... Says I know when Blaine's last bowel movement was..." She paused, covering her mouth when she realized what she'd said, a slight flush spreading over her skin. "That was... too much. I'm sorry. Kurt, darling, you're right. He's your... husband, now, and there are things couples share that other people can't know. I understand that, love. I mean, not firsthand really, at least not in a long time. But I do know that, and I don't want to take that from you and Blaine. I'm sorry I made you feel like we didn't think you could make Blaine happy. Honestly, darling? With you? I think it's the first time I ever saw him truly happy. We only thought he'd had happy moments before... They're nothing compared to what he has with you."

[justbeingaqueen]

Kurt watched her and listened quietly while she spoke. Typically, his facial features never gave much away. Too many years of hiding behind masks, there were only a small handful of people he really showed himself to right now and he didn't even always realise how masked he was. It had become his norm a long, long time ago and only time would be able to tell if would ever have the ability to open himself up more once he recovered and began to claim little pieces of the old Kurt Hummel back he had been convinced were extinguished forever.

"I can't promise I won't hurt him. I wish I could. But I can promise to love him, and I do. Just because I spent years telling myself not to, doesn't mean it ever disappear. It was hidden away so I didn't need to feel the pain of its absence, and doing that just managed to cause me even more pain. It's taken me a long time to realise and remember that Blaine is my heart. And all I can say is that as long as you... anyone from his world... is sitting there expecting me to hurt him, or damage him, or tear him down, I'm not going to be able to trust you. I'm not going to want to let you near me if you're sitting there assuming his judgement with me is somehow skewed or hazy. It's not. I have given Blaine many, many opportunities and reasons to end this. But he has stuck by me, and he has listened when I wasn't even saying anything. He has made this choice, and I know it probably sucks for you guys, but made it all on his own. I need him. Ever since the moment I met him, I have needed him. And right now, I sometimes need him without anyone else because at times, he has been the only one I know how to help me when everything starts to slip out of my control. None of this is going to be easy for anyone, and as I try to fight this, I'm going to hurt him. He's going to hurt with me, which is what love is about. Why did we get married? Because it's the only thing that makes sense and it's a step for us to put right what we ruined in the past. I'm not trying to take him away from any of you, because I had him before any of you did. We are part of each other, and that's something we need all our family and friends to eventually understand. Just like we're trying to figure out how to reconnect all of this for us, those around us need to do the same."

[meandmyrockstar]

"Kurt, I'll admit that I was skeptical at first. I didn't know you, and on that note, I still don't really. But I want to. He loves you, darling, and you love him. It would take a fool not to be able to see that now. I wasn't sure how to take it at first, but in the end, it doesn't matter what I think nearly so much as it matters that you and Blaine have found what you need in each other, and as much as it may seem strange for those of us who've known Blaine all this time as a single man, it's what we wanted for him. He's missed you so much for so long, and now that he has you back in his life..." She gazed at Kurt out of eyes that betrayed her deep care and concern for not only Blaine, but also Kurt. "None of us would ever want him to lose that."

She was quiet for a long moment, wishing for all the world that she hadn't put Kurt into an uncomfortable situation, but also very grateful that it had finally brought them to this moment where maybe, just maybe, they could find some understanding and common ground instead of feeling like they were on opposite sides. "I'm happy you're married," she said finally. And it was true. She was happy for both of them. "Sure, I wish we'd all been able to be there, but you're right. You and Blaine have a life together now, and it's not public property. You deserve your shared things that no one else gets to be a part of, and I won't spite you those things. I... I won't tell anyone. I promise."

[justbeingaqueen]

Kurt closed his eyes briefly and wet his lips so he could maintain his emotions. He knew they could check out on him at any moment without warning, so lately he was working to try and control it as much as he it. It was easier now his medications were working with him actually taking it and not trying to sabotage his recovery. He wanted to get better for Blaine, so he wasn't a constant source of stress for him. Witnessing Blaine's terrible fits at New Years had seriously scared him beyond belief, especially knowing he was a lot of the cause of it. "Amanda, I... don't even know myself right now. I haven't known myself in an extremely long time. It takes a hell of a lot for me to connect to people and I think the only reason I am even where I am right now is because Blaine is like a dog with a bone. He's relentless. I had no choice but to respond to him, and I am eternally grateful to him for that," he murmured, putting his hand on his chest for emphasis.

"But none of any of this is with a premeditated view to remove Blaine from his family and friends. That's not my intention. I just need him so much right now. When I look at him, I feel happy for the first time in years. When he touches me, I don't hate myself like I used to. There is nothing conventional about our decision to get married, and there would probably be a lot of people who disapprove over the way we did it. But if we didn't do it like this, it would never have happened. I know Blaine values his privacy, and works tirelessly to ensure he can maintain that. But the person the public gets of me isn't me. There would have been no flashy wedding, no nothing, even if I make my living out of flashy. This was just a promise between us to hold on. To hold on fucking tight and not let go, no matter what. Just... like I should have done a decade ago," he finally said quietly, lowering his gaze.