"I can't do the little things I hold so dear. 'Cause it's all those little things that I fear."

[justbeingaqueen]

Who: justbeingaqueen and couturejourno
What: Fashionistas Anonymous
Where: Kurt's apartment
When & Time: Morning after THIS
Rating: Open for now, likely swearing

Comments

[justbeingaqueen]

Kurt bit down on his lip a little harder this time, only just short of drawing blood. "No, I didn't keep up with his career at all. I knew he was famous and I knew he was a rockstar in England. That was it. I wasn't able to deal with anything to do with Blaine, so I didn't. I completely ignored his existence save for a couple of times where it made me fly off the deep end all over again. But that's beside the point. No, I didn't know about his charities, let alone why. I didn't know he was epileptic, and it's been extremely hard for me to cop with and understand."

"Husband? No, no... there has been no eloping. I turned down his proposal. Or I basically threw the ring at him and wanted him to bleed from it, but that's another story. Not Buzz clothes, he had Buzz pyjamas that he lived in when we dating in high school. At least, he lived in them when he didn't need to be out in public. They were his favourites, and they were so well-loved, they were all faded but... damn, they drove me wild. I used to give him crap for them, but secretly, I thought he was gorgeous in them. They sat so well in all the right places."

[couturejourno]

"Oh, wow... Kurt, I can't imagine what a shock that must've been. I mean, hell, seeing someone have a fit for the first time would be bad enough if you knew it was coming, but if you had no idea, and didn't expect it..." She shook her head, picking at the finger food on the dessert plate in front of her.

"Oh, shit!" Leslie said, slapping her hand over her mouth. That was not the word she'd meant to say, and she turned a bright pink shade as it hit her what she'd said. "I meant to say boyfriend, and husband came out... Please, ignore me..." Still, she couldn't help the small smile on her face at Kurt's memories of Blaine's Buzz Lightyear pajamas. "Sounds like you've remembered everything, sweets," Leslie finally said softly.

[justbeingaqueen]

Kurt hummed softly in agreement, though his face was mostly unreadable by this point. "Plus I was coming down from a major high that my system basically didn't cope with. I was withdrawing, hadn't had any sleep, and hadn't eaten. I never in my life could have had any way to prepare myself for seeing that happen to him. I thought he was dying. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Then he had another one the following morning and it was basically what completely flipped me out. I was atrocious. I left him there on the floor of the school corridor and just ran. After that, everything is extremely hazy. I hardly remember anything."

He pressed his lips together in a faint smile. "I haven't forgotten anything about Blaine. I've just locked it all away because it hurt beyond my capacity to remember. When we broke up, it was like I lost half of me. Some days now, it's hard for me to believe he's there. It's like I've imagined him or hallucinated him."

[couturejourno]

"Kurt..." was the soft reply from Leslie as she shook her head in disbelief. "You poor thing... That's... That's far too much for a reunion. It's no wonder things went so off in your head." Her hands rested flat on either side of her mug as she just looked at Kurt, eyes full of concern and heartache simply at knowing what her friend had gone through. She looked down into her tea quietly, unable to begin to wrap her mind around it all.

The love that Kurt still held onto for Blaine was obvious. It tugged at Leslie's heart, even, and she hadn't ever been much for love and committed relationships. She got all the love she needed from her friends, and the rest of her needs were purely of a non-committed physical nature. But she couldn't deny that there was something that touched her about how much Kurt clearly loved Blaine, and how long he'd had the memories, even if he'd ignored them. "That's... That's incredible," she admitted finally.

[justbeingaqueen]

Kurt just started to feel tired them. His head and eyes got heavy and he looked down at the table-top. It took a lot out of him to talk about this side things. It still ached inside and digging up pieces of his past he had buried so deeply took a lot of work. But his therapists encouraged him to with people he trusted, if he felt like he could. And Leslie had an interest in Blaine, she was Kurt's friends, and she had to understand Blaine was in Kurt's picture... with that needed to come a lot of understanding and being filled in on the backstory. It wasn't just a case of two celebrities hooking up after meeting on a red carpet.

"I'm still trying to figure out what it is. I'm still stuck in terrified mode. It's not so much that he's come back to me, it's trying to deal with everything that comes with what that means. Blaine's so... he's the most beautiful person in the world, inside and out. I have caused him a lot of pain, and I need to fix that. It's just hard when inside, I feel nothing but broken," he murmured.

[couturejourno]

"I think it's beautiful that the two of you still love each other, even if it's not the way you imagined back then," Leslie murmured before polishing off her cup of tea. "Thank you," she said softly, realizing that this couldn't be an easy thing for Kurt to do. "I mean for sharing with me. I know you didn't have to, but it means a lot to me."

Linking her fingers together, Leslie leaned forward, resting on her elbows. "Honey, you look exhausted... If you want to go back upstairs and cuddle up with your man, I can go and catch up with you later."

[justbeingaqueen]

Kurt just nudged the remainder of his tea aside with his forearm and nodded. He was getting overtired, and there was that niggly teary feeling starting to make itself known. "I think I might. I'm really sorry, darling. I haven't slept much and I know I'm not the best of company. Can I make it up to you when I get back? I'll be going away tomorrow for a little while. To the beach with Blaine. We need privacy and time alone. It's indefinite how long we'll be away for the moment. He needs to recuperate and... so do I. New York is too easy to engulf me right now."

[couturejourno]

Standing up and offering Kurt a smile, Leslie nodded slowly. "Sure thing, sweetheart... I'm always around, so we'll have ourselves a meet up again when you're feeling better. Take care of yourself, okay?" She leaned over to offer Kurt a gentle hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Call me if you need anything."