"I can't do the little things I hold so dear. 'Cause it's all those little things that I fear."

[justbeingaqueen]

Who: justbeingaqueen and couturejourno
What: Fashionistas Anonymous
Where: Kurt's apartment
When & Time: Morning after THIS
Rating: Open for now, likely swearing

Comments

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine felt his way down the glass staircase that led into the foyer of Kurt's expansive apartment, his cow-slippered feet (not the best match with his Superman pyjamas) not making any noise on the marble tiles as he shuffled along. He was cold and still half-asleep, the curls on his head all unruly and bed-mussed. He yawned, having to pause to cover his mouth when it was one of those that made your face feel like it was turning inside out. His bladder had been what woke him up, but he was thirsty and he didn't want water. A quick trip to the kitchen for some juice before he climbed back into the cosy cocoon of Kurt's luxurious bed was on the menu.

That was when he padded into the kitchen from the opposite side to where the dining table was and without realising he wasn't even alone, pulled the fridge door open and stood there staring into it, pretty much forgetting why he was even there when his eyes drooped closed again. He rested his head against the door of the fridge with another yawn and then finally reached in to grab a bottle of apple juice.

It was only then that he spotted Kurt as he nudged the fridge door shut with his elbow because of the bright purple cast with kid drawings of lovehearts, suns and flowers all over it. His face broke into a sleeping grin seeing him and he came over to wrap his arm around Kurt's neck and gave him a soft kiss. "Mmm... miss you," he murmured and nuzzled at Kurt's temple with his nose. "Gotta go back to bed, though. So sleepy." He stole another quick kiss from Kurt, and then when he turned, notice Kurt wasn't sitting alone. He shot the visitor a friendly, tired smile with a greeting of, "Hey," and then was leaving the room again, no questions asked in his hazy, sleepy state.

[justbeingaqueen]

Right before Blaine even appeared, Kurt was giving a dismissive but small flick of his finger tips at her comments and smirked. "Darling, I'm a designer. I have probably seen more bare tits and pussy than you have. I would certainly be able to tell a cup size just from a mere glance better than any lesbian, and I don't even need to touch. It's all indifferent to me. Whatever makes my designs look fabulous, and that happens to be the female form in all its glory."

He didn't even have a chance to get to the subject of why he was in London when said subject suddenly appeared looking very much not like anything a high-class fashion designer of the world would be seen dead in public with. But all Kurt could do was watch Blaine with fond amusement, loving every single inch of the short, ruffled form Blaine currently was. It all happened pretty quickly, though, and even if there was a bolt of panic flaring up in Kurt that Leslie was pretty much getting in the flesh confirmation of everything the tabloids had been scrounging for, there was no way to avert the crisis. He just had to go with it.

As Blaine left, he drew his lower lip in between his teeth, biting down on it before he twisted hips lips wryly to the side and raised his eyebrows a little. "So, all that? Off the record..." he stated, trying to light casualness but he could see the look on Leslie's face already.

[couturejourno]

"You have a point... But you don't do all that much looking at the tits and pussy I'd be looking at anyway, or else I'd be jealous of your job," she teased. "Kurt, you're so talented I think you could put your designs on a fucking pillow and they'd look fabulous."

Leslie looked up quickly as a guy who looked for all the world like Blaine Anderson walked into the kitchen. But it couldn't actually be Blaine, right? Because if it were Blaine, she would be fangirling like a boss, and probably make a total fool of herself. But, holy shit, if her gay fail really was right here in Kurt's kitchen, surely...

No... But that was when he looked up with a sleepy greeting before disappearing right back down the hall, and by the time she'd thought to wave at him he was already gone. "K... Kurt!" she stammered, her eyes widening like saucers. "You're... You and... That was Blaine Anderson!"

[justbeingaqueen]

Kurt nodded as he watched her. "Yes. Yes, it was... oh my god, don't tell me you're a fangirl," he responded with a small gasp coupled with an accusatory gazed locked on her. It was strange to Kurt that his own success had just built up around him to the point he adjusted and got used to the lifestyle and being a celebrity. It became second nature, he got accustomed to that style and level of living. He appreciated the roots he came from and all the hard work his dad did to raise him and take care of him, but he was the epitome of a upper class celeb now and it was just who he was.

But he still had a lot of trouble wrapping his head around the fact Blaine - his Blaine - was a famous celebrity too. He was successful, he was extremely popular and sort-after. In Kurt's heart and head, Blaine was just still the sweet, beautiful person he fell in love with in school who was a dorky dag in his spare time and let it all hang out. He and Blaine had seen each other through their worst. They had been sick together, peed in front of each other, shared al levels of bodily fluids. It was just Blaine. To see fangirling like this in the flesh was faintly amusing to start with, but it was hard for Kurt to process. "You... really are his fangirl? Seriously?"

[couturejourno]

She was fine. She was totally and completely fine and not starstruck at all. Or so she told herself. Every single day in Leslie's job was an opportunity to interview one fashion designer or another, meet this celebrity or that on a red carpet somewhere, but this was the Blaine Anderson. And it was all a big lie. She wasn't cool and collected, she was freaking out with excitement. It was Blaine. "You're dating Blaine!" she exclaimed in shock.

Looking up at Kurt, she forced herself back under control and shook her head solemnly. "No... I'm not a fangirl... I just really appreciate his work. He's a brilliant artist." Oh, lies. She was so very bad with lies. "Okay, maybe... Just a little bit of a fangirl. Not too much..."

[justbeingaqueen]

Kurt drew in a quick, sharp breath then and held it for a few moments before it came back out in a rush. "I'm serious here, darling. Anything I say regarding what you just saw it absolutely one hundred percent off the record. And not just that, I expect my privacy on the whole thing. The tabloids and paparazzi have already been after it like vultures, but it's not as simple as it seems. We're not... a celebrity couple."

Okay, so maybe they were, but in Kurt's mind and heart, they weren't. They were just Kurt and Blaine who had been together long before the rest of the world even knew who they were. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that if the public got their claws into their relationship as it stood now, it would crash and burn. Kurt desperately needed his privacy right now, and he desperately needed alone time with Blaine. They would have to figure out the rest of it all later down the track, and whether they wanted to come out together a couple would be one of them. Right now, he needed to not be public property. "It's not what it looks like... I need to know I have your confidence on this, or I will ruin you." There, in one sentence, it was blatantly obvious that Blaine was serious business. Very, very serious business. Kurt would actually ruin anyone, and publicly, who risked any of this right now.

[couturejourno]

Leslie put her hands up in front of her quickly to stop Kurt. "Honey, no..." she said, shaking her head. "This is not a fashion journalist visiting a fashion designer to get the inside scoop for an article. This is a meeting of two fabulous people to have tea and catch up on life. Nothing is on the record, here. Nothing."

Kurt's threat left no question that he was dead serious, and Leslie nodded, reaching out to run her finger along the rim of her cup. "I'm not in the habit of giving relentless bitches such as yourself a reason to ruin me, doll," she said, her tone playful but her words quite serious. "Don't you worry about that. Trust me, love, we've all got things we'd rather keep to ourselves."

[justbeingaqueen]

Kurt's eyes were on her in quiet analysis for a few long passing moments, contemplating how much he could actually trust her. They were friends, and had known each other years, but like just about everyone else around him beyond Amelia, she didn't know much about him personally beyond his fabulous fashionista persona he so wonderfully honed. To most people, he was the fabulous gay queen who was friendly and schmoozy and produced amazing lines people couldn't get enough of. But that was, and always had been, his mask. His whole life was a masquerade of some sort and now he just had to decide how much he wanted to let slip.

He did know, though, that if he was serious about this fresh start with Blaine, Blaine was going to be a constant and driving presence in his life, so his friends needed to know the lay of the land so they could understand what they were protecting in his threats for privacy. "Blaine... was my high school sweetheart," he began. "I started dating him when I was seventeen and both of us had seen through a lot of painful times. When we came together, it was for comfort through that. And we... thrived. When he transferred to my school, we pretty much ended up a power couple. Then when graduation him, my friends and I, including him, all had this huge, fiery argument and every single friendship and relationship crashed and burned. Blaine and me had aggravating circumstances, but he was everything to me at the time. When I lost him, my world fell apart, and even though I built another perfect world around me to substitute, that's all it was. A substitute."

[couturejourno]

Leslie could almost feel Kurt's gaze, as if it were boring into her soul to make sure that she wasn't lying to him. It was intense, and she knew full well how damn important this must be to Kurt for him to be so serious. Granted, until Kurt had revealed his addiction and suicide attempts to her, she'd been just as much under the belief that his disguise was the real him as anyone else.

But now, she saw it all... The chinks in the carefully constructed armor, the heart and soul of the man she'd called her friend for so long, everything was wrapped up in Blaine... In who he was, and what he meant to Kurt. "Everyone just... fell apart?" she asked, raising her eyes to look at Kurt. "I can't even wrap my mind around how that must've felt. And so now that you have him back, you'll stop at nothing to get that chance to work it all out?" She smiled faintly. "Maybe that silliness about the fairy tail wasn't so silly after all, sweetheart."

[justbeingaqueen]

"Um..." Kurt began, but then had to give a small shrug. "I couldn't honestly tell you accurately how anyone else coped in the wake of it. We were all called to our ten year reunion back in Ohio, and I sometimes think that I should never have fucking gone to it. But if I hadn't, I wouldn't have had any avenue for Blaine to get up in my face and make me see just how deluded I had become about my feelings for him. It's far from a fairy tale, though. Far, far from it. It's been an extremely difficult time for many people and I was a complete mess after it. I encountered things at the reunion I just couldn't cope with, which you probably wouldn't even believe if I told you. My recovery hasn't been easy and it's been slow."

His forehead creased a little as he wet his lips and stared down into his tea. "I had to go to London because I made a stupid mistake, I fell off the wagon I wasn't stably on when I refused to go back to hospital. I hurt Blaine extremely badly and he went back home to London. So, after I got over the initial mess of what I did, I got on a plane to go after him. After I got there, though, he became really ill and ended up in hospital himself."

[couturejourno]

"Well, I'm glad you found each other again," Leslie offered gently. "And not just so I can fangirl your boyfriend all up close and personal like, because, Jesus Christ, he's even beautiful in mismatched PJs and cow slippers. But I think what they always leave out in the fairy tale is how fucking hard the prince and princess or whatever have to work to get their happy ever after." She turned a warm and comforting smile on Kurt. "Just take your time, sweetie. Day by day, isn't that what they say at AA meetings?"

"Oh, God... Kurt, what did he say when you got there?" She paused, taking a sip of her tea. Details were going to a necessity here. She needed to know as much as she could about her gay fail serving as her friend's true love a la the dark, twisted, and heartbreaking version of some Disney movie. "He took you back?"

[justbeingaqueen]

There was a slight shrug as he, too, went back for another sip of his tea, even if it was more of an effort for her to even get the mug into his hands. He had gotten used to taking things slow and had learnt the hard and frustrated anger-fuelling way not to rush or he would spill it all over himself. "Honestly wouldn't know. No one has ever been able to talk me into group therapy, nor will they ever. AA can blow it out their ass for all I care." That was a hint of the old Kurt coming out, and also the diva bitch in him. No matter how broken he was, he was still stubborn and determined in his ways. His ways just differed a hell of a lot these days to what they used to be.

"He... wanted me to hold him. I haven't really been the most snuggly of Care Bears recently. It's taken me a lot to learn to accept affection again and trust anyone to get close to be. But Blaine's... fuck, he's relentless. Like you wouldn't believe. He lays his heart on the line and doesn't care if a freight train speeds over the top of it. That's just who he is. He tries for these big grand gestures and always screws up." A flicker of a fond smile twitched at the corners of Kurt's lips and he dipped his head, looking down at his hands with something akin to uncharacteristic bashfulness. "It took time. It's still taking a lot of time. I'm still sick, it still pounces and gets its claws right into me when I don't even realise. Blaine's not well either. He has epilepsy. I don't know if you knew that. It's why he's an ambassador for their foundation. He had a string of seizures on New Year's Day, and the last couple were massive. It's how he broke his arm. This Blaine has a lot of things about him that he didn't have when we dated, and that's taking a lot for me to get my head around... but I guess that's a two-way street for him too. When we dated, we were just two lost gay guys in homophobic-ridden Ohio just... searching. It's a different universe now, we're different people. But he... I never really got over him."

[couturejourno]

"Fair enough, sweetness," Leslie replied with a firm nod. "Don't let the man get you down... Or... whatever." It was lame, and she realized it, but shot Kurt a half-way smirk. "You know, you'd think after all this time of being a journalist, I'd be better with words in conversation."

"You're far less disturbing than a Care Bear anyway, babe," she offered lightly with a little shrug. "He really is the anti-rock star, isn't he? He's too busy loving people to spend all his time partying and fucking groupies." Taking a sip of tea, she let the warmth of the liquid spread through her, giving a contented sigh. "You always have the best tea. Ever." It was a brief change of subject before she went back on topic again. "I think it's kind of incredible," she offered, tracing her finger over the delicate pattern of her cup. "I mean, I'm not the love someone forever kind, but it sounds to me like the real deal for you. If you've got it, babe, hang onto it. I think there's a reason you never got over him... I don't think there's ever a love you hold onto like that if there's not a damn good reason."

[justbeingaqueen]

Kurt just blinked and then his nose scrunched up a little with a telltale 'judging you' look complete with his lips forming a tight line when he really wasn't sure what to answer that with. "Weren't we talking about AA, or did I just take a power nap and miss part of the conversation?"

"Blaine's just Blaine. No other labels fit. He's snippets of a lot of things without really conforming to being anything but just himself. He did a lot of conforming when he was younger and paid a very heavy price for it. He had to learn the hard way to be himself. I... guess a lot of us did. And a lot of us still don't like the person we really are. He was my guardian angel, he saved me when I thought I was drowning, and he would always take my breath away by just how amazing he was. I always thought I would marry him, that we would grow old together. Then it was all ripped away from me. I didn't forgive him for a mistake I should have... it was like I couldn't. It's sort of hazy for me these days. My may shrinks think I could have been sick as young as nine when my mom died, but I don't know. I just know Blaine used to light up my world, and when he hurt me, it was like someone cut the power and it never came back."

[couturejourno]

"Fuck it, I don't even know what I'm saying," Leslie replied, with an apologetically embarrassed gaze at Kurt. "Chalk it up to a late night last night finishing the piece on your award."

Leslie seriously couldn't imagine what Kurt was facing. She'd never had a relationship end badly, and honestly, she'd never had a relationship that felt like it meant that much to her, either. To imagine someone being the light in the darkness of a very fucked up world, and then having them ripped away by circumstance? Well, that really sucked, and that much, Leslie knew full well. "But now that it is, it just feels like you're waiting for it to go out again?" she guessed. Her fangirling was quickly forgotten in talking to her friend and realizing just how deep things had gotten for him.

[justbeingaqueen]

Kurt just shook his head dismissively. "Not really judging. I'm in no position for that. It's only been very recently I've had the ability to strong coherent sentences together. Some days, I'm still a lot cause. I'm lucky I'm not brain damaged. My brother saved my life. He gave me CPR and kept me alive until the medics got here. Which is... probably a miracle, considering he's wheelchair bound. The coma and the drugs have left certain things in a bit of a grey area."

"More like the light that is there is still very dim for me," he elaborated. "Therapy and drugs can only do so much. Especially when I keep falling off the wagon. It's been extremely hard for me to deal with Blaine as a father and also as an epileptic. Two main things in his life that weren't there in the past when we dated. Plus, I have a shit load of other people planted firmly back in my life now who I haven't had anything to do with in a really long time."