my own remembrances
the morning glory that blooms for an hour
differs not at heart
from the giant pine
that lives for a thousand years.
-- zen proverb.
i memorized this through my pregnancy with jonah, & spoke it what must have been a million times during labor, delivery, & the hours, days following birth. i find myself going to it less, but still i hold it in my heart. i had such a heaviness on my heart with jonah, when i was carrying him, that something was Wrong. the bleedings i had didn't help, even though i knew that it's quite normal for a woman to bleed throughout her pregnancy. i felt like i had to Fight for him, for his life, for his breath, from the beginning. when i birthed jonah, he started crying already when only his head was out. he is seemingly perfect in every way. he Is perfect in every way, both he & noah. but, i am constantly reminded that all of this, this life here, it's just a blink, it's just a breath in & a breath out. their souls have been born & in my belief, they will live forever. & i was the luckiest woman alive to carry these two amazing, sparkly, delightful little boys in my belly. i carried their hearts & their souls & their bodies. & i will carry their hearts & their souls forever.
"Your children are not your children; they are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you, but they are not from you, and though they are with you, they belong not to you. You can give them your love, but not your thoughts; for they have their own thoughts. You can house their bodies, but not their souls, for their souls dwell in a place of tomorrow, which you cannot visit-not even in your dreams…"
-Kahlil Gibran
differs not at heart
from the giant pine
that lives for a thousand years.
-- zen proverb.
i memorized this through my pregnancy with jonah, & spoke it what must have been a million times during labor, delivery, & the hours, days following birth. i find myself going to it less, but still i hold it in my heart. i had such a heaviness on my heart with jonah, when i was carrying him, that something was Wrong. the bleedings i had didn't help, even though i knew that it's quite normal for a woman to bleed throughout her pregnancy. i felt like i had to Fight for him, for his life, for his breath, from the beginning. when i birthed jonah, he started crying already when only his head was out. he is seemingly perfect in every way. he Is perfect in every way, both he & noah. but, i am constantly reminded that all of this, this life here, it's just a blink, it's just a breath in & a breath out. their souls have been born & in my belief, they will live forever. & i was the luckiest woman alive to carry these two amazing, sparkly, delightful little boys in my belly. i carried their hearts & their souls & their bodies. & i will carry their hearts & their souls forever.
"Your children are not your children; they are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you, but they are not from you, and though they are with you, they belong not to you. You can give them your love, but not your thoughts; for they have their own thoughts. You can house their bodies, but not their souls, for their souls dwell in a place of tomorrow, which you cannot visit-not even in your dreams…"
-Kahlil Gibran