Think of how a castrated horse feels...

[backtalker21]

Good news for people who love bad news... I dont understand anything anymore. I'm so tired of feeling this way but it seems I'm always going to be doomed to do so. Everything I've ever done for people and it gets me absolutely nowhere. All it ever got me was a broken heart and broken bones. I've tried so hard to help people out who were in need and now that my life has completely bottomed out do you know who has been there for me? No one. Not a soul. No one's ever seemed to care how shitty my life has been for the past year... health problems, miscarriages, failed marriage, failed everything, I've lost everything I ever cared about or thought was worthwhile... I have never failed to fail, or so it would seem. Over the years I've only grown more angry and afraid then I ever thought I could. I did not deserve this. I've been a good person, I never meant to hurt any one. But now I will not help anyone, or maybe I just feel like I can't. I have nothing left of myself to give. But what does it matter anymore, right? Take what you want from me, you deserve it all. But now I will no longer care anymore. If you ever need anything please dont hesitate to ask... someone else first. I'm done with everything as nothing is getting better and it's not going to no matter how much anyone tried to convince me of the contrary. When I was much younger, my mom, my therapist, they all said that my life had been a horriblee night mare up to that point due to how my childhood had turned out but it that everything would soon work itself out and get better. Well, it's almost ten years later and nothing's really changed. Well, I'm just done with everything. I'm tired of waking up every morning and thinking "well, I wonder what kind of shit hit the fan this time". No matter what, it's always raining in my head. It's not like I ever asked for much but I'm to the point where I just want everyone to suffer, suffer like I have all these years. I was born out of darkness, out of suffering, and ever since, chaos has been sown from my footsteps. But it won't bother me anymore, I'm past the point of wanting anything to improve and tired of effortlessly hoping that maybe, just maybe, I would have a good day at some point in my existence. My life is just a big stupid game anyway. That's right, it's a fucking joke. Don't tell me you're my friend, because you're not. Don't tell me you'll be there for me, because you won't. Don't tell me you'll never hurt me, because you will.

And I used to be such a nice guy.

My only known solution? My brother is moving back to Michigan in November/December for school, and I'm going with him. I have my own battles to fight and I'm choosing to do it somewhere else from now on. I don't want to die in Florida anyways, Detroit maybe, but not here. So only when I'm gone will I maybe again one day begin to think more optimistically, but for now, I have given up on life.

I am Milhouse's broken heart.