No sleep yet....
After typing the last entry, I sat outside and watched the few snow flakes flutter to the ground. After loosing feeling in my arms and legs, I crawled into bed with B. I layed there for 2 hours thinking.
* Why I am still here and not in my own bed?
* I'm glad I found all this out after 3months instead of 3years.
* Wow, he really his like his ex and I really am like him.
* Can I cry any more?
* I'm kinda hungry.
* Even though he needed to vent, should I have stoped him from talking about the things that hurt?
* How much more can he push me away?
* Why am I STILL here?!
* How could I have not seen it coming?
* Will this new years be like all the others?
* I'm still here! I suck!
* Where do I draw the line, if I should even draw one...
Thats pretty much it. As I sit here looking at the photo that he told me the story of (his frist trip of many with Mary to see one of his friends in Boston) should I be angry at him or me? I should have known something was gonna happen when his family called me Mary. I dont know. I want to continue doing what we have been but in a way, I want to look for someone who is going to love me back. On the other hand, I dont want to be alone. But I also dont want to be used. I just hope that B. realizes how much he is being like Mary was. As he was leaving this morning, he once again asked if he could read my journal. I said only if I was there when he read it so I could explain. Is that a good idea? There are public posts but he has respected my original wish of him not looking. I really should sleep, I cant seem to produce any more tears......
* Why I am still here and not in my own bed?
* I'm glad I found all this out after 3months instead of 3years.
* Wow, he really his like his ex and I really am like him.
* Can I cry any more?
* I'm kinda hungry.
* Even though he needed to vent, should I have stoped him from talking about the things that hurt?
* How much more can he push me away?
* Why am I STILL here?!
* How could I have not seen it coming?
* Will this new years be like all the others?
* I'm still here! I suck!
* Where do I draw the line, if I should even draw one...
Thats pretty much it. As I sit here looking at the photo that he told me the story of (his frist trip of many with Mary to see one of his friends in Boston) should I be angry at him or me? I should have known something was gonna happen when his family called me Mary. I dont know. I want to continue doing what we have been but in a way, I want to look for someone who is going to love me back. On the other hand, I dont want to be alone. But I also dont want to be used. I just hope that B. realizes how much he is being like Mary was. As he was leaving this morning, he once again asked if he could read my journal. I said only if I was there when he read it so I could explain. Is that a good idea? There are public posts but he has respected my original wish of him not looking. I really should sleep, I cant seem to produce any more tears......