(no subject)
I haven't really been in the "journal mood" much lately. Maybe I'm too lazy, what with school starting back up again. I AM really tired. I wish I could sleep, but I'm home alone, and I don't know if I'm one of the only people like this, but I get freaked out and start imagining that I'm hearing things when I'm not. It sucks.
So I'm waiting until my mom and brother get back from his stupid club meeting. I was talking about it today, and I'm constantly getting compared to him. Yeah, he's a pure brainiac/geek/loser/dork/nerd/kidwithnofriends. Yeah, he'll go to an AMAZING college and be really successful in life. But does that mean he's happy? Personally, I don't think so. My friends are what make me happy, and honestly, he just straight up doesn't have many. Don't get me wrong. My brother is one of the coolest people on earth when he wants to be, when he's not discussing geography or playing video games all fucking day long. I'm just thinking about what I would do without all those special people in my life, where I would be, and what I'd be doing. What would be my "video game?" My passions ARE my friendships with everyone I love. Call me lame, but whatever. It's true. AND BECAUSE it's true, I get the sort of reputation of being the "bad kid," out doing bad things. Ugh. That's not what I fucking do anymore, and I wish I could get that impression out of everyone's minds. I wish I could show everyone what I'm like NOW, but then again, no one takes the time to recognize you when you're brother's a fucking maniac genius.
Yeah, call it hypocritical but you have no fucking idea what you're talking about. I need a cigarette.
So like I mentioned, I got my schedule changed yesterday. Had my classes today. They're not bad. I'm sort of regretting changing them though. Whatever. What's done is done. School is so annoying. I can tell this is going to be the worst year ever, even worse than last year. I'll actually have to do work, study, whatever everyone else was mumbling about the past couple years. And back to what I was saying, I used to be so smart. UNBELIEVABLY SMART. Then I got caught up with the wrong things, NOT PEOPLE. I can't blame anyone for the shit I did, all the shit I pulled. I would never turn my back on my friends like that. WHATS DONE IS FUCKING DONE. But all my brain cells sort of demolished one another. It's depressing, in a sense. But junior year, ugh. 'Nuff said.
This weekend should take my mind off things though.
<3SARAH
So I'm waiting until my mom and brother get back from his stupid club meeting. I was talking about it today, and I'm constantly getting compared to him. Yeah, he's a pure brainiac/geek/loser/dork/nerd/kidwithnofriends. Yeah, he'll go to an AMAZING college and be really successful in life. But does that mean he's happy? Personally, I don't think so. My friends are what make me happy, and honestly, he just straight up doesn't have many. Don't get me wrong. My brother is one of the coolest people on earth when he wants to be, when he's not discussing geography or playing video games all fucking day long. I'm just thinking about what I would do without all those special people in my life, where I would be, and what I'd be doing. What would be my "video game?" My passions ARE my friendships with everyone I love. Call me lame, but whatever. It's true. AND BECAUSE it's true, I get the sort of reputation of being the "bad kid," out doing bad things. Ugh. That's not what I fucking do anymore, and I wish I could get that impression out of everyone's minds. I wish I could show everyone what I'm like NOW, but then again, no one takes the time to recognize you when you're brother's a fucking maniac genius.
Yeah, call it hypocritical but you have no fucking idea what you're talking about. I need a cigarette.
So like I mentioned, I got my schedule changed yesterday. Had my classes today. They're not bad. I'm sort of regretting changing them though. Whatever. What's done is done. School is so annoying. I can tell this is going to be the worst year ever, even worse than last year. I'll actually have to do work, study, whatever everyone else was mumbling about the past couple years. And back to what I was saying, I used to be so smart. UNBELIEVABLY SMART. Then I got caught up with the wrong things, NOT PEOPLE. I can't blame anyone for the shit I did, all the shit I pulled. I would never turn my back on my friends like that. WHATS DONE IS FUCKING DONE. But all my brain cells sort of demolished one another. It's depressing, in a sense. But junior year, ugh. 'Nuff said.
This weekend should take my mind off things though.
<3SARAH